Why Do You Stare?
by Ninde Annare
Summary: I stand on the threshold of something great and terrifying; something I've never encountered in all my immortal years....a shadow stands before me...a guide?...Remus, is that you?
1. chapter 1

Disclaimer: Neither the characters (with exception to Kaida) nor the places belong to me, they are all products of J.K. Rowlings imagination and are thus hers.

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A/N: Hi Everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic! This is my second fanfic and since I'm still new to this it would be great if I could get some reviews and comments. Tell me what you like, what you don't like and what I can improve on. Any and all comments are welcome:) Thanks again.

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_Why do you stare?_

_Is it my pale, alabaster skin?_

_My sapphire eyes?_

_My black hair?_

_Or perhaps it is because I feast on blood?_

Vampires have been regarded as vicious monsters-incapable of love, sadness or regret- for countless centuries. Perhaps it is because we feast on blood-but what makes blood so much more grotesque then what you mortals feast upon? Do you not feast on flesh? Whereas, we merely feast on that which sustains it you feed on the creatures very being-yet we are the ones that suffer your persecution.

Persecution is what has driven me to take refuge at Hogwarts. I was mortal when I attended the school; in fact I was head girl-the school's "golden girl", in a matter of speaking. I won contests and tournaments in the name of Hogwarts, in the hopes that perhaps through honouring Hogwarts' good name I could share in its reflected glory. It was the summer of my graduation when it happened-when it all changed…when I changed.

A vampire's existence is doomed to loneliness-for many this is a fate worse then death, for me it is life, as I have always known it. I've always had antisocial tendencies, after my transformation it simply intensified. I never knew my mother, she died during my birth; my father was stricken with grief. In his eyes I was not his daughter, I was the cause-the cause of his wife's death, the cause of his loneliness, the cause of his misery. He hated everything about me-I was my mother's complete opposite. She was blond, perky, polite, and "ever-so-friendly". I, on the other hand, am black-haired, quiet, reserved and, as I said earlier, antisocial. It was his hatred for me that drove me to run away from home; it was him that drove me into the arms of a vampire…

As a vampire, I had nowhere to go, no one dare offer me refuge. I wandered the streets for days trying to find shelter. I knew nothing of the dark vampire arts; I was starving, lost and cold. In desperation, I returned to Hogwarts. I had planned to live in the Forbidden Forests, where perhaps I might find others of my kind-strange, after all these years it still sounds odd, _my kind…_it was then that Hagrid found me. I had lost all consciousness; had I been mortal I would have been on deaths door. Hagrid recognized me instantly. He knew what I was, what I had become…and yet he helped me.

In the cover of darkness, he took me to Dumbledore. It was Dumbledore that took me in when no one else would. It was he who managed to concoct a potion that I could drink in place of blood. It tastes like mud…but it sustains me and renders me safe to those around me. Dumbledore allowed me to live in the school. I have free reign of it in the evenings. It was Dumbledore's hope that someday I would teach "The Defence Against the Dark Arts"-for I had always done well in this class, I always had top marks (and no, the irony does not escape me). But for the time, I content myself to wander the halls in the silence of the night. It is too soon for me to return to the mortal world…to mingle among the living…far too soon.


	2. chapter 2

I've wandered these halls for years.  My name has been lost and I am merely a legend now.  I believe they call me "The Dark Geisha".  When I first learned of this I was deeply offended-honestly, me a geisha!  Do I look like a whore?  A Japanese prostitute?  I became obsessed with learning all I could about what it meant to be a Geisha. 

The word Geisha means "artist".  Geishas dedicated their lives to studying the arts.  They used what they had learned to entertain at social events.  They were not whores but women of the arts!  Some how through the centuries their livelihood was twisted and reshaped to produce something full of dishonour and shame.  I embraced my new name-for I truly was "The Dark Artist".  I spent countless evenings studying the Dark Arts and how to defend others against it-it was too late for me, but others need not suffer.  Some evenings, I would leave Professor Dumbledore notes scribbled in haste on discoveries or hypotheses I had about some new technique, potion or method that I had found or created (all these years and I still call him Professor).  I wanted others to know, to be prepared.  Tonight Dumbledore will come to see me.  My heart is beating so quickly now; my stomach is full of knots of fear and anxiety.  I know that no harm can come to me-I'm dead for Merlin's sake!  And yet, I'm still riddled with apprehension. 

"Miss. Nox?  May I enter?" 

"Yes, please do.  And Headmaster, please call me Kaida"

"Well Kaida, I know that your time is valuable and that you would much rather spend it in the library, so I will be quick.  We will have a new professor for the Defence Against the Dark Arts class.  Remus Lupin has kindly offered his services to the school-I believe that he was in your year, was he not?"

"Yes, Headmaster, I believe so…"

"Kaida, I'll be frank, I had intended on giving the position of professor of the Defence Against the Dark Arts to you-your findings are quite inspiring and you have so much to offer the students not to mention the wizarding world…"

"Headmaster, you're too kind…but we have discussed this…"

"Yes, I know, you do not feel ready…but it is my hope that you will humour this old wizard and make Remus feel welcomed.  It would please me greatly if you and Remus were to work something out so that your findings and knowledge can be shared with the students."

"But Headmaster, I don't think it will be wise for him to know what I am…he might not understand…"

"Believe me Kaida, he will.  Lemon Sherbert?"


	3. chapter 3

Remus Lupin.  I remember him.  He and I were both prefects in my last mortal year.  Funny…I don't really remember anything about him.  We worked so closely and yet I knew nothing about him.  Different circles I guess. 

It's odd that I feel so much anxiety towards his arrival.  I never knew him when I was mortal; so I shouldn't fear what he will think of my new form…. and yet...I do. 

Summer has crept up on me.  In a matter of weeks the school will reopen and Professor Lupin will arrive.  I've spent many a sleepless day in my coffin contemplating what will happen when we meet.  Why do I even care?  I can just leave notes on his desk the way I would for the Headmaster…I don't need to actually talk to him…to be near him… 

Morning. 


	4. chapter 4

Echoes of feet on stone floors, then a gentle knocking on a wooden door

"Kaida?"

"Professor Snape…please enter"

"I've brought the potion.  I've added bog-gleaner milk.  It should make the potion more palatable."

"Bog-gleaner milk?  Professor, it was really unnecessary; an ingredient so rare as this…it would be a pity to waste it on my palate."

"Non-sense.  Drink."

"Thank you"

I can smell the heavy metallic fragrance of the potion.  The normally watery, brown-coloured potion has thickened-coagulated, into a rich black liquor.  I drink in the pungent ebony elixir, deeply- practically drowning in its flavour.  It's been so long since I've tasted blood.  For years I've sustained myself on this potion-baring the taste of mud.  But tonight the bog-gleaner's milk has brought me closer to the sensual taste of blood then I have been in decades.  I drain the goblet of its contents and lick my lips, not wanting to waste a single drop-it will be another month before I feed again. 

"I'll take the goblet, now that you are done with it…"

"Thank you, Prof…."

"Severus"

"Right, Severus.  I appreciate the trouble you have gone to, to make my potion."

"No trouble at all.  It was my pleasure."

There's always an awkward silence about now.  Perhaps I should just smile.  Hunh.  Nothing.  No wait; a flicker of a smile.

"I won't waste anymore of your time, Kaida.  Good Night."

"Good Night, Severus."

Echoes of feet on stone floors, then the sound of a door being gingerly closed


	5. chatper 5

The day has come…he arrives today.  Silence blankets my crypt, laced with the slow steady beating of my heart keeping in time with the rhythm of the void.  The beating of my heart has become a novelty; it could stop beating and I would be none the worse for the wear.  It serves only to circulate my icy immortal blood…possibly an evolutionary ploy to keep it from becoming stagnant.

I can feel the coolness of fear mingling with anticipation snaking over me.  It grips me with its coils causing my heart to quicken its pace.  The fear is making my heart tremble and my skin cool but it is the anticipation that makes the day drag on forever.  It feels like night will never come…a blessed curse.  It is an interesting sensation to want something and to not want it at the same time.  It is a sensual pain that encompasses ones very being, the knowledge that pleasure lies in the waiting.  It is only during the chase that the hunter experiences a symphony of emotions; the mounting pressure of pleasure, the catch is simply the release…and at this point I'm too enthralled in the chase.

Sleepless have the days been in my crypt.  Wasted away on thoughts of the coming evening…of our meeting.  He will be the first mortal-besides the Headmaster, Hagrid and Professor Snape-to see me fully since my change.  What if he is disgusted by my appearance or my lack of…life as it were?  What if he refuses to work with me as a result?  What if he tells the ministry?!  What will happen to the headmaster?  What will happen to my beloved Hogwarts?!

Calm yourself Kaida.  Why do you fear a mortal man?  Why does your mind race for a stranger?

_I…I don't know…_

_Could it be that it is this unknown that makes your vampire blood want to burst from their icy grave?  Or could it be that you've just finally lost it?_

_Okay, Kaida.  Just breathe…breathe…_

I can't believe I still tell myself to do that!  I can't even remember the last time I felt the crisp air fill my lungs…no…wait…I do.  It was the night I changed…my last mortal breath…it had been perfumed with the heavy aroma of blood…my blood…  It still sends chills down my spine reliving that moment…I remember feeling the blood drain out of me…the numbing bliss of deaths grip upon my throat…I wait for death to take me but it never did…it was only an instant but it seemed to last an eternity…not unlike this one.

Knocking

"The headmaster wishes to see you now, Kaida"


	6. chapter 6

Remember: He is only a mortal.  It doesn't matter what he thinks of you…you don't need to be his friend, you just need to work with him.  So relax…collect your thoughts…be yourself…

"Kaida?  Is something the matter?"

Professor Snapes voice draws me back from my silent oration.  I look at his tired face and had I not known better, I would have sworn that he had a look of concern in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Professor, I must still be half asleep… Will you give me a moment to get ready?"

"Of course.  I will wait for you outside…"

Honestly, there isn't much that needs to be done on my part to get ready.  I just need to change my robes-they're a tad crumpled from being slept on.  I suppose that is one benefit to being a vampire.  You see the vampire largely uses their aesthetic appeal to ensnare their prey; so logically vampires would have to be quite attractive.  Even the most comely of mortals is transformed into a dark Adonis.  It is essential for a vampire to look their best at all times, for they never know when they will catch the eye of their next meal and that is why evolution graced the vampire race with the gift of perfection.  I could be caught in a storm, be drenched to my very bones and still look serene and alluring.  Which in my case is definitely an advantage, as I never learned how to properly "primp" as most girls do.

The puddle of candlelight that usually pools at the base of my crypts door has evaporated.  Professor Snape must have taken the liberty to extinguish the candles in the corridor.  He knows how I prefer to walk in the shadows.  I open the door gingerly, to see Professor Snapes form on my doorstep.

"Shall we go, Professor?"

"Before we go, Kaida, may I ask you for a favour?"

"Of course, Professor…"

"If it won't be too troublesome on your part, would you please guide me through the corridor?  I'm afraid I can't see too well in the dark…and please call me Severus…"

I smile at him and then realize that he can't see me. 

"It is no trouble at all, Severus." 

He offers me the crook of his arm in response.  I rest my hand on his forearm.  It quivers at my touch-must be due to my cold skin.  As we walk down the all-to-familiar corridor I hear his heart quicken.  You must think it unusual for one to be able to hear another's heart beat but when your very existence is dependant on that person you make it your business to notice any change in them. 

I can see perfectly in the darkness-it is to me as bright as daylight is to you and although Professor Snape is mortal, through my experience he is able to see quite well in the dark.  It is odd that I did not detect his loss of his night vision prior to this evening.  I can usually sense things of that nature-that's more women's intuition then a dark vampire gift.  It is definitely odd.

 His footsteps echo through the halls while mine make nary a sound.  I've always wondered why vampires were always associated with bats.  If anything vampires are more like cats.  We are swift-footed and silent.  We see perfectly at night.  And although we are not as strong as other creatures of the night, we are agile.  Another mortal misconception, I guess.

"Watch your step there, Severus…" Huh, he seemed to have shifted slightly to his left before I could warn him.  But then again, that's not exactly surprising-we've walked these corridors countless times in the past, he must have remembered that the carpet curled slightly here.  Or perhaps he sensed it.  I remember reading somewhere that when one loses their sense of sight the other senses become more acute and compensate for the loss of vision.  Amazing things, mortals are.

"We've arrived, Severus"

"Kaida, I believe the Headmaster would like to speak to you alone…"

"Will you be alright on your own, Severus?"

"I will fine, Kaida…"

As I remove my hand from his right forearm, I can see the other slowly moving towards my retreating hand.  Is he trying to hold my hand?  Perhaps not.  It's funny how mortals think that the darkness will protect them when they make themselves so vulnerable with intimate gestures.  I'm sure the professor just wanted to provide me with solace.  Perhaps he can sense my apprehension….

Ah, I see the Headmaster has been so kind as to light black candles.  Their blue flames cast an aura of illuminating darkness onto the walls of the circular office.

"Thank you for coming so quickly Kaida." His eyes twinkle as he smiles.  "As you may know, Professor Lupin arrived earlier this evening.  I'm sure you have much to discuss with him so I have arranged for you to meet him in his office to review and possibly revise his lesson plan for tomorrow."

"Yes, Headmaster…"

"Oh, and Kaida, before you go, I realize you are no longer a student and that you may do as you wish but I strongly advise you to stay indoors this school year.  As a result of Sirius Blacks escape from Azkaban, the ministry has posted Dementors at every door and I doubt even your wit or beauty could warrant any pity from them…"

 "I will keep that in mind, Headmaster…"


	7. chapter 7

Hello Again Everyone!

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to review my stories: lilyfan, EyesofEmerald, charles weatherby, Siriusly-Nluv, FAIRYPRINCESS13, GoGriffindor, Romulus5, TheFluffyPuppy, Pixe89, bluebird161221, kiwaussi, browneyedgirl2004, Chantal J, poopsie101, BlackKat99, The Grim, Riaelfgirl, danfan14, jonouchi-kaiba-mokie, Aerlalaith, Chicklahoma, The Parrot has ceased to be, Ra and Isis, Dark Vampiresss, PaarsKonijn and Aerandir. I can't tell you how much these reviews mean to me.

I do have a request though...Mind you, I'm very thankful that you all have been so kind as to read and review "Why Do You Stare?" but "The Serpent's Shadow" looks so forlorned...it is my first fanfic and it does mean a lot to me...so if you could possibly stop by and read it and leave me a little review I would truly be thankful.

Ninde Annare

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Chapter 7:

Just down this corridor lies Professor Lupin's office. I slow the pace of my walk to compensate for the racing of my numbed heart. I make sure that my steps are muted, carefully I walk as silently as I can, so as not to draw him out of his office prematurely-I need this time to calm myself. The corridors are beautiful in the illuminating glow of moonlight. They pour through the slits of the windows like white thread on ebony velvet. The crisp scent of the night calms my excited heart bringing it out of its furious pace and back to its slow rhythmic beating. I meander through the corridor like a moth in the night. I can see the warm glow of candlelight on the cool threshold of his office door-and like a moth drawn to a flame I move towards it, fascinated but its glow.

I reach out to touch the cold brass doorknob when suddenly the heavy wooden door opens. A blinding brilliance escapes from the room and engulfs me; instinctively I draw myself back into the shadows of the corridors. As I stand under the welcoming darkness of a nearby statue, a man comes rushing out. My eyes still burn from the sudden bombardment of light and I blink dumbfounded, as he sprints by. I hear his voice echo slightly as his whispers quietly to himself.

"Damn it! Pull yourself together, Remus! You're forgetting everything!"

I hear his footsteps retreat out of the corridor. I suppose I should wait for him to return before entering his office. The door is flung open; I peer into the blinding glow of the room-my eyes finally adjusting to the sudden burst of brightness, to find shelves of books. Beautifully leather-bound books, lined lovingly on rickety wooden-excuses-for shelves, fill the room. Perhaps he won't mind if I were to just take a quick look at his collection.

As I enter I notice that there is only one offending candelabra the bathes the room in luminescence. I make short work of the candles and extinguish all but two, just enough light so as not to render Professor Lupin completely blind. The centre of the room remains well lit, while the corners of the room are blurred with shadowy darkness. I am drawn to the darkest corner of his office-which also happens to have been lined with book-filled-shelves that tower to the ceiling. I reach out and gingerly pull a book from the tired shelf-it groans in response to the lifted weight. The book is very old; I cradle it in my arms, as gently as possible without letting it slip from my grasp. Like a childless-mother feasting her eyes on another's child, I browse through the beautifully detailed pages. It is written in a dead tongue: Latin. It appears to be about werewolves.

Werewolves are such sad and misunderstood creatures. Vampires and werewolves are very much a like. We are hated for what is in our nature. But we hunt to survive; we only kill when it is necessary; whereas, the mortal race destroy one another for the trivialities of material wealth. Werewolves and vampires truly are kindred spirits. _Kindred spirits_…a luxury I will never be afforded.

The gentle clattering of metal and ceramics echo in the hallway followed by gentle footsteps

With great difficulty, I shut the book and place it on the shelf; I run my index finger longingly down its spine, carefully memorizing its title before pushing it into its niche. I turn in time to find a man bustling into the room. His hair is the colour of rosewood with embers of grey interspersed amongst his dishevelled coiffure. With a brass teakettle in one hand, and a small stack of teacups and saucers (none of which seemed to match one another) in the other, he seems unaware of my presence. The pockets of his tattered robes seemed to have been stuffed full of things as well. After carefully placing the teakettle and fragile stack of porcelain on a chair, he turned his attention to his desk-which had been over run with books and rolls of parchment paper. With one fluid motion of his arm he hastily swept them into the drawer of his desk. He then proceeded to set out his mismatched tea set; he unloaded his pockets revealing a jar of jam, a small box of biscuits, and some teabags. He smiled to himself and suddenly he looked to me like a boy of 7, happily admiring his treasures. Upon being sure that the desk was absolutely perfect, he rushed over to the door.

"What could be taking her? Perhaps she doesn't know the way to my office. I knew I should have just met her in Dumbledore's office…. Why is it so dark in here? The house elves must have thought that I had turned in for the evening. Lumos!"

The room was once again plunged into a blinding blaze of light. Turning my face away from the source of the offending glare, I covered my eyes with my hands determined to stop the glow from reaching them.

"Miss? I'm sorry if I frightened you, but shouldn't you be in bed?"

_'In bed?'_

He thinks I'm a student! In all the time that I've been immortal I had forgotten that I still retained the body of my 17 year-old mortal-self!

"I'm sorry Professor, but I believe you are mistaken." After making sure my eyes had fully adjusted to the glow of the candles, I turned to face him. His young face was marred with worry and weariness, but was all the same beautiful.

"Miss Nox?"

"That is correct and I presume you are Professor Lupin?"

"I'm sorry…I didn't realize it was you…please sit down…" With that he pulled out a chair at his desk. I sat down as he rushed around the other side of the desk to sit across from me. He proceeded to pour the hot water into the waiting teacups, over the crumpled bags of tea. His hands are shaking.

Is my appearance really that disturbing? It must be my eyes. Years of wandering the shadows has made them sensitive to light; the illumination of this room must have caused the pupils of my eyes to be consumed by the blue of my irises. Normally mortals are mesmerized by the jewel-like quality of vampiric eyes, but he seems to be repulsed by them-choosing instead to turn his stare from me.

The gentle clattering of porcelain lures me out of my rumination. He stretches across the desk to hand me a cup of tea. His hand shakes subtly at first but the jostling of the cup intensifies as his hand draws nearer to mine. I take hold of the saucer careful not to touch his hand-even briefly, for that might frighten him more so. Half the contents of the cup have spilt into the saucer by now, creating a moat of sorts. He offers me a biscuit; I simply smile and take one-resting it against the tea soaked saucer. I no longer consume mortal food, and I am only running through the motions of past tea parties now so as not to offend him. The smell of the tea is divinely earthy and alluring. I feel the warmth of the tea flow through the cup into my hand; it's a welcomed sensation to feel any sort of warmth against my chilled skin.

"Miss Nox? I don't know if you remember me, but I was a Griffindor prefect in our last year together." The gentlest whisper of pink, grace his pale skin.

I feel the apprehension slip from me, and the fear I had melt away. In its place stands a mélange of feelings. Memories of my mortal youth washed over me, as flashes sparked in the forgotten realms of my mind.

"Of course I remember you Professor Lupin. You spent countless evenings with me in the library, studying. You were always so studious."

"Oh…right…studious…very studious…" The faintest note of disappointment resounded in his voice. Had he hoped for more? More reminiscing? More small talk? Or perhaps he hoped that I would remember more about him? He smiles at me-a beautiful smile laced with disappointment. I wish I could remember more about my past…not so much for myself-I could care less if I remembered anything at all, but for him…his hazel eyes are just full of so much sadness…I can't stand to disappoint him more…

"It's getting late, Professor…perhaps we should continue this another night?"

Suddenly his expression seemed to shift; like clouds parting for the sun, a revelation of sorts must have dawned on him.

"Before you go, I have something for you…" He rises from his seat and walks towards a battered red trunk with brass metal work. He busily digs through the mass of items inside-socks, shirts, trousers and robes are soon sprawled in all the most unlikely of places.

"Here it is!" He says softly. In his hands he gingerly caresses a parcel. The paper is battered and torn in places. It is covered with faded images of unicorns amongst a thicket of golden leaves, a yellow satin ribbon graces its top. "I had planned on giving you this after our graduation ceremony…but I couldn't find you that day…you must have left early…" With trembling hands he hands it to me.

I remember that day…my father had dragged me off only moments after I received my certificate from the Headmaster…he hated these social events…he hated seeing me happy… That was the day I decided that I had had enough… I clutch his present to my heart, as if it could stop the pain.

_All these years…he had kept if for me, for all these years…_

I look up to meet his gaze.

"Here Kaida…I mean Nox...I mean…would you like to sit down?" I nod and smile. I look at the parcel in my hands. I study the wrapping paper closely; it is truly beautiful-despite all wear on its once glossy surface.

"I remember you told me one evening, while we were studying that as a child you adored unicorns…"

He remembered that? I can barely recall our evenings together, and yet he can still remember what transpired during the brief moments when we spoke?

I pull one delicate arm of the bowed ribbon; it gracefully unravels and falls into my lap. The paper unfolds as though it has been waiting all these years to be released. It unfurls to reveal a little cloth bound book, golden letters grace its simple cover-a layer of soot blankets it and its covers have been singed. I can feel the sting of unborn tears.

How can a little book mean so much to me?

"Remus…" I struggled with the words; trying to subdue the ones that would express my feelings best…but there were none to be found. I tear my gaze from my treasure to meet his eyes-they are full of concern and dread. I can feel his heart beat fast; I see his apprehension-it looms over him like a wraith.

"I've upset you, haven't I, Kaida?" His voice so gentle, I scarcely hear it-the sadness in his voice hanging in the air like the reverberations of a bell.

"No, Remus…I'm not upset…I'm simply at a loss right now…" I feel a burning in my throat-it feels like a lump of sorts. I try to steady my trembling voice, but the lump in my throat breaks the flow of my words like a rock in a stream.

"I'm sorry, Kaida…I'm sorry that I couldn't stop her from burning…I'm sorry you have to see it this way…I know how much it meant to you…I don't know what I was thinking…you were probably better off not knowing what happened to it…" His voice is heavy with regret and embarrassment. "I'm such a fool…" He whispers to himself.

"Remus…Do you honestly think that I care about the state this is in?" I cradle the book in my hands like I would a wounded bird. "Remus, don't you understand? You've given me something I thought I had lost forever. I am not at a loss because of its condition, I am at a loss because your gift has touched me so deeply!"

"Kaida, you're sweet to say those things but I can see the disappointment in your eyes…" He turns away from me; his regret blatant.

I reach over and catching the gentle curve of his chin-I am surprised by the silky warmth of his skin. I turn his face to me. "Is that what you think you see? Is that what you see in my eyes?" A sudden wickedness takes me and I look deeply into his eyes-forcing the gaze that he has denied me this evening. I hope-I pray that he can find the words that have eluded me. A silent parley of unborn words ties us. The uncertainty in his eyes fade, the beauty of their inner light more prominent then ever. I watch his handsome face as the worry and uncertainty that had enveloped him this evening fade into oblivion; I watch the years melt away and he is transformed into the Remus I remember.

He knows how I feel, and yet I've said nothing.

"You have such beautiful eyes…"

I feel my face begin to warm. In all my immortal years I've never experienced this sensation.

I'm blushing!

I break my gaze, attempting to hide my now pinking skin.

He manages to catch my eye again, and smiles coyly at me. His heart has slowed. I sense a growing boldness in him.

Damn mortal blushing! Must you plague me even in death!

I try to change the subject, hoping to draw his attention from my face. "How did you get it back? I thought she had burnt it…"

He flashes me a mischievously tooth smile-knowing that his comment had caught me off guard, and in a grandiose voice tells me, "Perhaps I will tell you one day, of my glorious rescue of the coveted journal; perhaps I shan't…If you promise to visit me tomorrow I may feel a bit more 'generous' with the details". I can't help but laugh. "So will you come again tomorrow?"

"How can I say no?" I giggle.

_Did I just giggle?! I don't think I've ever 'giggled' before! Not even as a young girl, but then again, I had very little reason to do so…_

"You can't"

"Alright, I will visit you tomorrow night"

"You promise?"

"I promise…"


	8. chapter 8

Chapter 8:

It has only been twenty minutes since I was in Remus' office…it has only been twenty minutes since I felt mortal again…only twenty minutes.  I left Remus with a promise that I will return tomorrow night. 

My journal has been returned to me, whole and unsullied.  I remember the first time I saw it-it was in the window of an antique store, its green cloth covers bidding me to touch them.  I wanted it…I wanted to record the happy moments of my life in its perfect white pages…I wanted happy moments.  A part of me had always known that someday I would escape my father's scornful glare, that someday I would be free…that someday I would be happy.  This journal was to log that momentous day, and the happy days that would surely come after.  I bought it the day I got my Hogwarts letter.  I remember running home with it, eager to record my feelings.  Its pristine pages wanted to be smeared with ink, to feel the scratch of my quill; but I resisted its allure, it was to be saved-squirreled away until my day of liberation.  And so it went for 7 years.  It never left my side-it was a constant reminder for me that there were better days to come…a promise of a brighter future.  But before those promises could be fulfilled it was taken from me.

It had been a week before graduation.  The days were sunny and free of the burdens of exams.  I had planned to spend the rest of my last few evenings at Hogwarts immortalizing the memory of the one place I had known happiness and safety.  It was a place where I could live vicariously through someone by means of words; beautiful words strung out in ink and paper. 

I only had to endure one more class before I could revel in the freedom that comes with the closing of another school year: Potions.  I had despised Potions class-you would think that odd, as I was quite capable in this class.  I only started to loathe it a few weeks earlier.  My Professor was a brilliant woman, who had dreams of grandeur.  She wanted to break off from Hogwarts and start her own school of potions.  But Gringotts has a very tight grip on their purse strings; they weren't about to invest thousands of galleons on a failure.  They wanted Professor Acacia to develop a potion that would secure her school's fame and prestige.  She worked tirelessly on a potion that would cure Lycanthropy (Lycanthropy being the ailment which causes a human to turn into an animal during the night, only to revert to human form upon sunrise; werewolves being an example of lycanthropy). She presented her findings to our class; beaming with pride over her ingenuity, it was only my great misfortune that I would be the on to find a fatal error in her concoction. 

It was a complex potion, with many steps; her list of ingredients was a menagerie of rarities.  Two of which included the tears of a Veela and a lock of Gorgon hair; although these two ingredients, separately, are the basis of only the most powerful medicinal potions, when combined they form a most deadly poison.

It is the hatred of the Gorgons that makes it deadly.  You see, Gorgons have the bodies of beautiful women, perfect in every imaginable way; their only flaw is their tress of snakes-which have the power to turn people to stone.  As a result, the wizarding community avoided Gorgons; Veelas, on the other hand, are one of the most beautiful magical creatures, and are adored and admired. That is why Gorgons will forever envy the Veela and it is this envy that fills her with hatred.  The two should never meet, even in the bottom of a cauldron. 

I asked her if this was true.  Being that it was, she told me I was correct.  It was then that she realized her folly.  She had to withdraw her proposal to Gringotts and once again allow her dreams to slip from her grasp.  It was then that she began to loath me.  It had suddenly become her life's mission to, as she said, "Return the favor".  She would try to torment me at every turn.  It was unfortunate for her that I was quite used to this sort of treatment; after all, my home had built on a foundation of abuse.  It became the bane of her existence that she could not make me suffer.  This would be her last chance to hurt me, for it was my last year at Hogwarts.  She strolled down between the rows of tables like she normally would and upon a fluke, picked up my journal.  She inspected it and noticing the look of alarm on my face, realized just what she had in her hand.  Finally, she had discovered my weakness, my Achilles' heel.  She confiscated it with a smug look of satisfaction across her face, telling me that I could retrieve it that night. 

I foolishly thought that she would return it to me.  Such stupidity.  That evening I stopped in the library to gaze upon it one last time.  Remus was there-as always.  He smiled weakly at me and asked me how my day went, as was the routine.  Upon hearing what Professor had done, he excused himself from my presence.  I had assumed that he had business elsewhere; without giving it another thought I proceeded to Professor Acacia's dungeon office.  She was sitting at her desk when I arrived.  My journal was nowhere to be found-little did I know that it was sitting in the mouth of her fireplace.  She smiled and rose to meet me at the doorway of her office but as she passed her fireplace she asked me if it felt cold in the dungeons.  Not thinking anything of it, I replied that it was-it was always cold in the dungeons.  With a sinister smile she asked me to start a fire for her.  Not wanting to be rude, I obliged.  I ask her for my journal and with a cruel curl of her lips she told me in a voice reeking with mock-concern, that she must have misplaced it in the fireplace.  I had unwittingly set my dreams aflame.  I could feel my tears well, my eyes stung with a feeling of foolishness and loss.  I couldn't stand being there any longer…I ran…her laughter filling the halls as I did. 

But fate has an odd sense of humour; who would have known that my journal would some day be returned to me and that I would be the one to find a potion that would alleviate the pains of Lycanthropy.  I had only created the Wolfsbane Potion recently but according to Dumbledore, it had proven quite successful.  The irony of it all.  It makes me wonder what else fate has in store for me…

Ah, I can see the door to my chambers.  Soon I will feel the blissful numbing of sleep.  A man haunts my door; what is he up to?  Could it be?  It looks like…


	9. chapter 9

Chapter 9:

"Professor Snape?  What are you doing up at this hour?"

"Kaida!  I thought you had already gone to bed…"

"No, Professor, I was just coming back from my meeting with Remus…"

"Remus?"  A scowl marks his face.

"Is something wrong, Professor?"

"No, no, nothings wrong, Kaida.  I only wanted to…to…uh…ask you about the Wolfsbane Potion…I'm a tad confused as to what needs to be done…"

"Surely you jest, Professor?  A man of your knowledge of potions, should not find it in the least bit confusing…"

"Oh, you give me far too much credit, Kaida…"

I am too tired to engage in this conversation.  My eyes are heavy with desire to sleep.  I can barely hear the Professor's voice. 

"Professor, I'm sorry to cut you short; but the sun is about to rise…could we not continue this conversation another night?"

"Oh! Of course, Kaida…  How about tomorrow night?  I will prepare your potion and you can answer my questions over dinner, as it were…"

"That will be fine, Severus…" My mind is numb from tiredness, I can scarcely remember where I am.  I must get to my coffin before the sun rises…so weary…so very weary…

"Tomorrow night, then!  I look forward to seeing you, Kaida!"  His exuberance and energy makes me all the more tired…I can barely remember what he said…I'm sure I'll remember tomorrow night…


	10. chapter 10

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A/N: 

Hello Everyone! I just wanted to thank: The Parrot has ceased to be, lilyfan, EyesofEmerald, Dark Vampiress, charlesweatherby, HolsyEvans, PaarsKonijn, and FAIRYPRINCESS13, for being kind enough to review chapter 8 and 9. I really appreciate the reviews! Please keep reviewing everyone! Just so I know there's still someone out there reading, and that my updates aren't in vain.

-Ninde Annare

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Chapter 10: 

Ah, sleep-so deliciously filling. I lift the cover of my coffin to find the room blanketed in a velvety blackness. The moon is full and I watch it wane slowly across the floor of my chamber. It drags across the cold stone leaving a trail of luminosity. My stomach throbs with knots of hunger. I breathe in the heavily perfumed night air-to think that all that separates me from humanity is the warmth of a body and the filling of my lungs. The scent of amaranths fill my coffin. I've taken to lining the silky interior of it with petals from the elusive flower. I have found comfort in its soft, puce petals-the feeling of another entity doomed to immortality, upon my skin. Their petals are so delicate and yet they are filled with boundless life; they will never know death…they will never wither…they will live on forever-for even when their very beings are crushed and destroyed their scent lingers-never to be forgotten. I select a blossom and secure it to my ebony tresses. It seems apropos for its dark immortal petals to be set a drift in the foreboding waves of my locks. As I prepare to leave my chambers, I glance into my coffin; a small clothed-corner has effloresced in my bed of amaranths. I brush the petals from its cover.

_Remus you have given more then a journal; you've given me hope-hope that someday I will fill these burnt pages with happy memories and moments. How befitting that you be my first entry-for our first meeting brought not only apprehension and fear into my life but also elation. This entry is of you._

I scribble down the events of the night before-the soft scratching of the quill on the pallid pages makes my skin tingle. The pages seem to drink in my words, immortalizing them in their fibers. I finish my entry and place the small book in the center of my coffin, burying it with petals before replacing the cover.

As I walk down the corridor to Remus' office I extinguish each candle in my path. The walk to his office seems to have taken no time at all, for before I can even comprehend what I am doing, I have already arrived at his door.

The lights are off. And the door is locked. A small envelope has been gently wedged in the door above the doorknob. The envelope is crumpled, spotted with ink, and addressed to me. In thin black letters it reads:

_**Forgive Me, Kaida**_

I open the envelope hastily to find a letter-it looks to have been written in quite a rush.

**_Dear Kaida, _**

**__**

**_I know that we were to meet tonight, but something urgent has come up and I 've been called away…I'm afraid I won't be back until tomorrow morning. Please forgive me Kaida. I'll make it up to you; I promise._** -**_Remus_**

I feel my heart sink a little; I was looking forward to seeing him tonight. I notice small dots of blood; lost amongst a sea of ink specks-the smell is subtle, but seductive. It's been a month since I last fed…I'm famished… I gently touch a spot of blood and without so much as a second thought, bring it to my lips-its metallic aura is unlike anything I've ever tasted…it's different…some how special.

_More…I want more…_

I ache with hunger. The knot in my stomach has come undone and now I hunger for this mysterious blood. The taste of this cursed mortal elixir has whet my appetite, I hunger for more…I've never felt such a need to feast before…the sadness I felt only moments ago seems to have vanished…all that stands is my desire to devour.

_Severus…I must find Severus…I must find him before I lose my mind!_

I move swiftly through the halls; carefully avoiding passersby-I can't risk running into someone like this… My hunger has surrounded me in a haze; even the bright glow of the well-lit corridors does not deter me from my course. I soon find myself at the foot of a dungeon door-it has been left ajar. I hear someone speak softly to themselves.

"You have to tell her! She deserves to know…it's the very least you can do…"

I burst into the room. My hunger has reached its peak…_I must feed!_

"Kaida? What is the matter? You're so pale and your breath is short…"

"Severus…the potion…I need the potion!" Without hesitation, Severus rushes over to a bubbling cauldron; he dips a goblet into the liquid and quickly brings it to me. I take the goblet and drink from it. I can feel it rushing through my veins-I can feel myself regain my consciousness as the hunger begins to subside. I drain the goblet of its contents only to find that it is not enough. Normally, a goblet is more then sufficient to curve my hunger…but not tonight…I want more…I need more…I walk swiftly over to the cauldron and fill another goblet, then another, then another…soon the cauldron is empty and my hunger, finally quenched.

"Kaida, I've never seen you so ravenous…" His voice is full of surprise and intrigue. I shudder slightly at the thought of him seeing me at my most base moment-when I gave into my vampiric nature. His aphotic eyes continue to watch me-I can feel them on me like the chill of twilight.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you, Serverus…something came over me…I couldn't stop myself…" I feel cold, and yet my skin beads with sweat…I feel the inside of my chest fill with an icy dread…it's almost feels like I'm drowning…

_It begins, Kaida…. you can feel it in your very bones can't you? The change…_

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A/N:

I will try my best to update before the week's end-a few reviews might inspire me to do so more quickly ; ) Thanks again for reading!

-Ninde Annare


	11. chapter 11

A/N: I'd like to just quickly thank _lilyfan, Neoma, EyesofEmerald, Yavannie, Aerlalaith, The Parrot has ceased to be, BlackKat99, Dark Vampiresss, _and _The Grim_ for reviewing chapter 10-you all definately inspired me enough to post chapter 11and I hope that you will all keep reading and reviewing, Why Do You Stare?

Ninde Annare

P.S. Remember everyone, the more responses I get to this chapter I more likely it is that I will update sooner! ; )

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Chapter 11:

"Perhaps you should rest a bit…we can do this another night…" His voice is heavy with trepidation.

_'Do this another night'?_

A prickling feeling of realization and guilt swarm my body; each prick penitence for my amnesic mind. I do my best to maintain my composure.

"No, it's alright, Severus…Let's begin…" With a look of concern, he takes out a yellowed piece of parchment. He carefully lays it down on the table, holding down its curling corners, as he puts his index finger down on a cluster of words.

"I have prepared most of the Wolfsbane potion; there is only this one passage that I can't seem to make out…" I lean in closer to read the passage-I can feel Severus' breath against my neck. I can feel its warmth upon my skin; I can feel him draw in my scent…

The words are smeared and difficult to decipher. But I know this potion well-it calls for my blood…

"Severus, would you be so kind as to bring me a sharp knife and a small phial?"

"But of course, Kaida…" He smiles at me, a spark of curiosity in his eyes.

I begin to roll up my sleeves; the slitting of wrists can be a most unfastidious task. Severus returns with a small glass vial and a sharp knife-they both twinkle in the candlelight with a most sinister sparkle, as though they know what is about to come.

"Here you go Kaida." He hands me the blade with its handle turned to me. The knife has some weight to it, which will make the process all the easier. He places the phial down on the table as I inspect the blade-it must be very keen if I am to make a good cut. I tilt my hand back to expose my wrists. I run the knife's edge along my wrist-the feel of the cold metal upon my skin…the feel of it against my veins…it burns with a hedonic agony. My blood pours from my wound; it drips down the sides of my wrists leaving a crimson trail. Suddenly I feel two warm hands upon my wrists, pulling away the numbing bite of the blade.

"Kaida! What are you doing?!" His eyes are wide with shock. His face is pale and devoid of all color.

"Severus, the potion requires vampire blood…" I said these words so calmly that it seemed to make him wince.

"But, Kaida, I've got bottles full in the back…you don't need to do this…" I shake my head in response.

"Severus stop…we need to use my blood…we can't use the blood you've got…it's not the same…Severus stop! Listen to me." His hands are clenched tightly around my wrists- I can see the white of his knuckles. He is holding on to them with such force that had I been mortal he would have surly crushed my arm. He pulls a white handkerchief from his pocket and hastily wraps it around the laceration, all the while applying pressure to my wound as though willing it to stop.

"Severus, the vampire blood you have in your stores was not given willingly…it is the blood of slaughtered vampires…it is of no use to the Wolfsbane potion!" I see his eye dart to a cloth-covered heap on the far end of the table. Breaking his hold of me I walk over to it and lift the rag-a cauldron of beryl sludge stands in its wake.

"You tried to use that vampire blood in this one didn't you? It doesn't work…does it?" I stare back at him; and slowly he nods. I pull off the makeshift bandage, allowing the blood to flow again. I allow two drops of my blood to fall into the viridian depths of the Wolfsbane potion. It fizzes and bubbles in response before turning into a beautiful shade of umber.

"It's ready now…" I try to refasten the handkerchief to my wrist but find that it is far more difficult than I had expected. Severus reaches out and with his thin, nimble fingers secures it to my arm. His hand lingers there-I feel the trembling of his hand upon mine. As though suddenly realizing what he is doing he pulls his hand away and rests it by his side, the rosiness to his cheeks returning. He seems embarrassed by this, and turns to face an adjacent wall.

"I don't understand the difference…they're the same…both blood from a vampire…" His voice carries notes of enmity…or frustration-I cannot tell. But it is not the timbre of his voice that makes me shudder; it is the way he says 'vampire' that sends waves through my core. He says it with such disregard, as though our blood is as common as mud. He speaks as though we are all the same…like we are all vermin.

"Of all people I thought you would understand…" My words are harsh and edged with anger. I feel it well inside me-how could he not know better? How could he not understand? I've never grown angry with Severus before but his indifference to others never seemed to radiate with all its flaws until now. I fight to keep my voice steady-I have no reason to be angry with him. He is not at fault for his ignorance. My anger begins to ebb away; now it is only disappointment. All these years I thought he understood me; saw me to be more then just a vampire. I guess I was wrong…but he shouldn't pay for my naivety.

As though suddenly realizing what he has said, he looks at me with his dark somber eyes; he holds my stare, searching my eyes for forgiveness. Finding none, he breaks his stare to gaze upon the always-sympathetic stone of the floors. Dejected, by my words I feel his heart ache…I feel him regret his words… it is only now that I begin to regret mine.

Why had I cut this man so deeply with my words when he has never wronged me before? Why do I feel betrayed by his utterance of a word? I've trusted him with my life for all these years and he has never failed me…I trust him more than anyone I've ever known… Why should my trust in him falter now simply by a slip of his tongue? I would give my life for him, as he would for me-he's always looked out for me, taken care of me…he's always been like a brother to me…

"Severus, don't be alarmed that you do not know…it's quite common for things of this nature to be overlooked…" I try to speak in a soothing voice. Trying to quell the regret he feels. I'm not sure my words are more for his sake or for mine…perhaps I am selfishly trying to pacify the nagging voice in my own head.

"The difference is subtle, it lies in how the blood is given. In our blood, in vampire blood, lies our essence. The very core of who we are, and of what we are. It is a very special gift. When a vampire gives its blood to a mortal, it transforms them into one of us. The blood ties the maker with the fledgling. They will be bonded forever-it will be a relationship that knows no words, that knows no bounds, they become a part of you and you, a part of them. It is a bond that is closer then any relationship known to man-it is stronger then either love or hate." As I speak, flashes of a face appear in my mind. My maker…normally vampires find solace and family with their makers…but mine was destroyed before the bond between us could grow…orphaned yet again…

"When you slaughter a vampire and take their blood it is no longer filled with their essence; it is filled with contempt and anger. That is why the blood that sits in on the shelf of your stores is of no use to us…it is devoid of essence. How can you expect a being that you have slain to willing give you the greatest gift it holds? To give you its very soul? Every drop given willingly contains a piece of us. Many a foolish vampire have given their blood willingly to a mortal only to be betrayed. There are many slayers that pose as confidents lulling us into a false sense of trust, only to take our gift and use it against us... With a fraction of our soul at their disposal, and a bit of dark magic, they can control the vessels, our bodies. That is why there are so few of us now. We have been hunted for centuries but it is our lack of trust for mortals that dooms us…" My voice trails off as I reflect upon the fate of my kind. I pull myself out from my flurry of thoughts.

"It was years ago, when I discovered a text in a small forgotten book. It told of the wondrous healing ability of vampire blood; how a drop of it could heal the largest gash, how a drop of it could stop any pain…I was intrigued. Although the Wolfsbane Potion can do with out the blood, it seems rather cruel to withhold it. For without the vampire blood the patient would still suffer the immense pains of transformation-the tearing of their skin, the splitting of their sides... Do you understand now, that to deny me this right, you not only condemn others to suffer needlessly, you condemn me as well? Knowing that an innocent would suffer so terribly because of me is something I could not bare…" A silence fills the room. I can't hide behind my explanation any longer. I wait for him to say something…to make the first move.

"Kaida, what I said earlier…I didn't mean for it to come out that way…I didn't mean to insult you. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you…" His words hang in the air. The sorrow and regret in his voice hovering like clouds of remorse.

"I know, Severus…I know…"

Taking the small vial, I fill it with my blood. Inside the crystal body of the phial, glows a crimson heart. I take Severus' hand and place the small vial into his palm; folding his thin fingers over its fragile body. "There are very few people in my life that I trust…" He cradles the vial lightly in his palm, as he gazes upon it with a look of amazement, he looks upon it as though it were sacred. "There is enough blood in this vial to help countless people. Guard it well, for with this blood I not only give you the power to save these tortured souls, I give you my very being…"

He looks up at me-a look of surprise upon his thin face, I smile softly. He takes his fist from my hold and places it over his heart. I think he understands now…


	12. chapter 12

A/N: Hello Everyone! I just want to quickly thank, _BlackKat99, Yavannie, lilyfan, Neoma, Dark Vampiresss, The Grim, EyesofEmerald, Aerandir, and HolsyEvans _for taking the time to review my little fic. I know I do this at the beginning of every new chapter, but that is only because I am so thankful to each and every one of my reviewers. I am truly honored, that you would all take time out of your busy day, to read my meager words. Thank you again! Ninde Annare

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Chapter 12:

As I stand in the center of Severus' dungeon office, I feel myself cringe slightly. The room is cold and unwelcoming; it is a harsh change from Remus' office-which is so warm and inviting. Severus has gone to put the phial of my blood in a safe place. I begin to make my way towards the door; I feel uneasy here. I open the door slightly; it creaks and moans from the motion.

---Foot steps scrambling on stone floors---

"Kaida, you aren't leaving yet are you?" I turn to see Severus standing at the mouth of his storeroom, hair slightly disheveled.

"I'm afraid so Severus… That is unless you have anymore questions?" My mind has already begun to wander to more pleasant places; thoughts of books awaiting me in the library fill my mind. I watch his eyes dart back and forth as he reads my words midair. He moves slowly towards the swell of light flowing from the fireplace; his shadow hunches menacingly over his form.

"Kaida, there is something you should know… about Remus…" At the very mention of his name, my wandering mind is dragged back to the dungeons.

"Oh? And what would that be?" I try my best to sound nonchalant, all the while my mind races with possibilities. Remus is such a mysterious man; a part of my past that I know nothing about. A part of me longs to know more about him, to know his past, to know his thoughts, while another, wishes to remain aloof. My face gleams with curiosity as I wait for him to divulge his secret.

"Well, Remus is…he's…" He searches my eager face for a sign to proceed. I smile at him, urging he on. There is something playing on his mind…something big; I can tell by the way he purses his lips. With a great sigh, as though his best-laid plans had been burnt to cinders, he tells me, "…He's a git for standing you up…"

_He knew?_

Shocked, I struggle with words to make amends for my insensitive organizational skills. "Severus, I'm sorry…I was so exhausted when we talked last night…I didn't mean to…" I fumble with the words. He looks at me with this unchanging expression, and suddenly a vestige of a grin flutters briefly across his tired face.

"It's alright Kaida. Your other engagements are not of my concern." His voice is tired and strained. His face remains emotionless, but there is annoyance in his eyes. Not wanting to aggravate him further, I bid the Professor 'good night' and turned to leave.

"Kaida?" I look over my shoulder as I open the groaning door of the dungeon.

"Perhaps, you could come visit me again tomorrow night?" His voice had suddenly taken on an amiable disposition that few have ever heard. His voice was tender and kindly, such odd traits to be found in such a stern man.

"I'm afraid not, Severus. I have already made plans for tomorrow…I'm sorry…"

"With Remus, I presume?" His sickly sweet voice gave way to his naturally harsh timbre. Slightly taken aback by the sudden change in his demeanor, I excuse myself and retire from the icy ambiance of the dungeons.

As I rise from the beastly twisted stairs of the dungeons, I catch the beautifully silvered light of the moon. It beckons me to bathe in its glow. Quietly I creep to the monstrous front doors of the school. With great effort, I heave open a door and slip out into the allure of the night. The rich smell of the grass and greenery forces out all my thoughts…all that remains is this moment. The dew of the grass beads around the hem of my robe, a thrill of escape fills me. It has been so long since I've ventured from the stone body of the school. It has been so long since I've seen the night sky, free of marble frames, and obstructions. I gaze up at the sky and feel myself become lost in its obsidian.

My heart wants to burst forth from me. I feel my senses become keener with the passing of the moon. A recklessness consumes me; I want nothing more then to run, to enjoy the chase…to hunt…

_Why do I feel so tired? The night is young and yet…I feel myself grow faint…light headed…why am I so cold…why do I feel so full of grief and sadness? Everything is fading…disappearing…I'm falling…what's happening?_

I look up from where I had fallen into a crumpled mass…to face a cloaked figure. Its face hidden from view, I can hear its labored breath…a dementor! I've faced them before, and they've never shown any interest in me, why now?

_Memories…they want to feast on your memories…they want to suck the happiness from you…they hunger for it…run…run…Run while you still can!_

I fight to stand, but its form looms over me…forcing me to the ground; I see its ashen hand come forward. It grabs hold of me; its touch sends icy waves of convulsions through my body. I struggle against its grip, if only I had my wand… I feel my strength failing me, my body is starting to grow limp…it's trying to suck out my soul…

_What's that on the horizon? _

I see the morning light begin to rise above the line of trees. I'm doomed. I have to break free of this creature or be lost forever in the heat of the morning light. I thrash violently in its grasp.

Suddenly I feel something inside me rise. Something inside me has awakened. I feel a surge of a once forgotten power swell inside me. The dementor releases me suddenly; does it sense the change in me as well? I feel my hands change-claws in place of nails. I feel my mind clear-the desire to survive engulfs me; I lunge forward, claws drawn. I swipe at it, driving it back as I bolt for the door. I slide into the foyer of the school, as I scramble to shut the door behind me. I lingered at the door longer then I should, for the morning light has started to burst through the dusty windows. Clutching the collar of my robes I pull it over my head, covering as much of my skin as possible. I run as quickly as my legs will carry me, through the lambent gauntlet. I feel the skin on my hands burn like a torch had been put to my skin. I run to the end of the corridor, into the awaiting shade of the windowless hall adjacent to it. Once in the safety of darkness, I looked at my hands-the skin is red and sore, peeling in places, blisters are scattered here and there. But despite the monstrous changes that the faint morning sun has done to them, they are still only hands-the claws have disappeared; melting back into the unseen depths from which they came. To think that the muted light of early morning had done this.

I made my way through the school, choosing my path carefully in order to avoid the piercing sunlight. I finally arrived at my chamber; with pained hands I grabbed hold of the doorknob. The cold brass against the burning of my skin was almost comforting…almost…if only the nerves of my hands weren't exposed and stinging. I pushed the cover of my coffin onto the floor. Then gingerly, I set my delicate frame into its bed of petals. I began to drift into a slumber…the wounds on my hands bared little consequence as they would heal quickly over the next few days; my vampire blood had once again saved me. My eyelids were heavy with a longing for rest, desperate to find a sleeping refuge. My mind on the other hand, was erratic with questions.

_Why had I become so voracious earlier this evening?_

_Why had I been bombarded with all those feelings once I set foot outside the castle's walls? _

_Where did that sudden surge of strength come from?_

_What is happening to me?_

Questions continued to swirl in my mind at a dizzying pace. I had to know more…why was this all suddenly happening? But the need for slumber was too great…I would soon succumb to its grip…tomorrow…I will know more…tomorrow…

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A/N: I will try my very very best to update before the week's end; but if by chance, I can't I will compensate with a longer chapter! Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Ninde Annare 


	13. chapter 13

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I'm in a state of utter and complete elation! Over a 100 reviews! I never thought I would see the day! Now for the all-important 'thank yous': (bare with me, this may take a while)

_lilyfan: _I'm terribly sorry that you found the last chapter to be confusing...I hope that this new chapter will make amends.

_The Grim:_ Thank you so much for faithfully reading and reviewing! (pats large black dog on head)

_EyesofEmerald_: Where to begin? You've been one of the major driving forces behind this story. I thank you for all the kind words you have given me. And thanks again for betaing for me, when no one else would!

_Riaelfgirl_: I'm glad to see you come back to my little fic! I will try my best not to disappoint

_gallandro83:_ Aren't you a clever bloke? You seem to have hit the proverbial nail on the head when it comes to Kaida and Severus. I had tried to email you to answer some of the points you raised but your email address seems to be down. If you are interested please email me.

_PaarsKonijn:_ Thank you for all the kind words and for continuing to review.

_Titou Moony :-p:_ Welcome to my little story! And thank you for reviewing!

_browneyedgirl2004:_ Thank you for reviewing! And you don't have to thank me for reviewing your story; it was a pleasure!

_The Parrot has ceased to be: _I understand perfectly. Thank you for reviewing, each and every chapter! I can always count on you to say something nice!

_WotcherTonks:_ Yes, Remus stood her up the same night she went to see Severus...it's the same evening, it kinda dragged out though so I broke it into pieces. I have a tendency to do that. And Welcome back!

_Aerandir:_ You've been diligently asking for the school year to begin and for the students to return. Rest assured that in the coming chapters I will move into the school year and maybe even have Kaida encounter some of them;) Thank you for reviewing both my stories-it was very kind of you!

_Neoma:_ Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 12!

_Padfootrulz011: _Welcome back! You were my first reviewer for "Why Do You Stare?"! You have a very special place in my heart for that. I was a tad worried when you stopped reviewing...I thought that perhaps my story had started to go down hill or something of the like. But now that your back, I feel oodles better.

_angelriseng85:_ Thank you so much for being my 100th reviewer! And welcome to my little story! I hope that you will continue to find it interesting and enjoyable!

Thank you one and all for reading my fanfic! I can't thank you all enough! I don't know if I deserve all the compliments and kind words that you have all given me, but I will do my very best to not disappoint you!

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Chapter 13:

Books scattered around me create a fort of solitude. I feel safe amongst this sea of words. I flip through the books at a frantic pace. The hunger I felt the night before has not left me; but now I hunger for knowledge rather then blood. Each book has so little to offer me-like an edacious vulture; I pick through their remains hoping to find a sliver of information.

----The sound of a heavy book cover slamming shut echoes through the empty library----

Nothing! These books hold nothing but scraps of molded paper! This library has been my fountain of knowledge for years, and now when I desperately need to drink from it, it runs dry… There must be another source…somewhere… I gather the books in my arms and begin to place them back on the shelves.

---The sound of a door opening-creaking softly---

Someone is here. I can sense them. I follow the line of bookshelves. Someone is sitting at my table.

"Remus?"

"Good evening Kaida. I had a feeling I would find you here."

"Old habits die hard…" I said feebly. Despite the dark veil of night that filled the room, he smiled. "None of these books have what I'm looking for…"

"And how would you know that? It's obviously too dark for you to read…or are you just drawing this from memory?" He says teasingly. __

_Doesn't he know what I am? For someone who claims to be well acquainted with the dark arts he is quite blind! Perhaps I should tell him… Perhaps another time…_

"It's true, I've read these books countless times. I had been hoping to find something new that perhaps I had overlooked."

"If you've grown tired of these books, you are welcome to mine." Brandishing another enchanting grin, he offers me the crook of his arm. I reach out to wrap my arm around his when I suddenly remember the state of my hands. I have bandaged them the best I could but they're still tender. He waits patiently for me to take hold of his arm. I swallow hard, preparing myself for the sting of my wounds; I reach out and gingerly take hold of his arm. I wince with pain, thankful that the darkness hides my grimace upon my face.

As we walk down the twisting corridors I notice the flickering dance of the candlelight. To think that the night before, I could have extinguished the life of a student as easily as a candle's flame…I shudder at the thought of what could have happen.

"Something wrong, Kaida?"

"It's nothing, Remus…just felt a bit cold…"

"Not to worry, I've got tea for two in my office and a nice crackling fire going" His voice is so comforting…gentle, with a steady timbre, I could listen to him speak forever. Such a wonderful voice.

"Tea for two? Were you expecting me?" I ask coyly.

"Not so much expecting, as hoping that you would" He pushes open the door of his office to reveal a familiar sight-his mismatched tea set arranged carefully on his desk, the smell of tea and biscuits and the unmistakable crackle of a fire. I watched as his lithe form moved in the firelight; he turned to gesture for me to sit by the fire. I settled myself on the dusty rug that lay before the heat of the fireplace. The room filled with the familiar chatter of porcelain cups and saucers, as Remus brought them towards me. Offering me a cup, I noticed his hands were far steadier then they had been during our first encounter-there was a hint of distraction in him. His mind was definitely elsewhere.

Pretending to take a sip of tea, I studied his handsome face-it seemed to radiate with a tired wisdom. On their own accord, my eyes began to trickle down from his face to his neck-its skin was beautifully pale and tight. My gaze lingered on the small cuts that covered his neck; they seemed to pulsate with blood. They glistened seductively-I wanted to touch them…to caress them…to brush my lips upon them… His body seemed to be covered with these small lacerations…I wanted to press my lips to all of them… Upon realizing what my wandering mind had conjured, a chill ran down my spine, as my face began to blush furiously.

Were those thoughts the product of some vampiric instinct or could they have been the fabrication of a female mind?

I was at a loss as to whether I had wanted to seduce the gentle professor or if I had simply wanted to feast upon his blood. Feeling thoroughly awkward, I tried to direct my mind to less…hedonic thoughts.

"Remus?" He lay on the carpet, his elbows supporting his graceful frame, as he tilted his head to face me. Exposing his neck to me in a most sensually nonchalant manner.

"Yes?"

Control yourself Kaida…Well stop looking at his neck already! No, don't look at his chest…His eyes! Look into his eyes! 

I look deeply into his eyes, desperate to clear my mind of this blood lust. His eyes glow with an amber light-I've never seen such brilliance in mortal eyes. There seems to be something there…something below the surface of his calm face…

"Is everything alright, Remus? You seem to be a bit…moony…" His elbow gave way as he lost his balance-I must have hit a cord with him, he seemed to have been caught off guard.

"Moony?" He said in a hushed voice.

"Yes, moony. You know, 'distracted', 'preoccupied'; whatever you want to call it, there's something not quite right with you tonight."

Chuckling softly as though finally realizing the humor in a forgotten pun, he tells me, "It's nothing…"

"Nothing? Then you must have a lot of 'nothing' in that head of yours." I smile teasingly at him, hoping to encourage a loosening of his tongue.

"Is that so?" Rising to my playful taunting, he flashes me a roguish grin. "Then I take it that you don't want to be bothered by the rhetoric of an empty-headed fool now would you?"

"On the contrary! I too, am a fool! And what better an audience for a fool than an even greater fool?" He laughs at my words-a wonderful mirth-filled, flirtatious laugh. He shakes his head slowly, like an adult would to a playful child.

"No, you were never a fool… If anything, it had been your brilliance that had drawn me to you." His mischievous grin gave way to the shy curling of his lips, that I had become so well acquainted with on our first encounter. I feel my cheeks flush with heat at his compliment.

"Really Remus? Do you think that this flattery will get you out of telling me how you got my journal back?"

"Not at all! Would you like me to tell you now?"

"Yes, please do!" I felt like a child on Christmas morning-eager to see what awaited me. I shifted my legs so that I could sit comfortably cross-legged, facing him. He rose to his feet and took a few steps back, as he prepared to begin.

"It had been a dark and stormy night at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Our young hero, Remus Lupin…"

"Our 'young, _handsome_ hero'" I said, surprised by my own boldness-my face continued to glow as I covered it with the sleeves of my robe. He shot me another toothy smile before he continued.

"Our young, _handsome _hero, Remus Lupin, was waiting patiently for the love of his…I mean…his lovely lady-friend, Kaida Nox, in the school's vast library." He smiled sheepishly as he bit down on his lip gently.

"He had done so every evening since his first year at the school. He had come to look forward to these evenings, when he would quietly sit across from her, studying. Tonight would be the last evening they would spend together; for it was their last year at Hogwarts. She arrived on time, as she always did. But to Remus' dismay, she was in tears-distraught that her beloved journal had been…uh…pilfered by the evil Professor Acacia. Upon seeing her great unhappiness, Remus felt his heart sink into his stomach-he hated to see her this way. It was then that he devised a plan to rescue her treasured diary. Excusing himself, he ran to find his friend, James. James had a marvelous cloak of invisibility, that would allow the wearer to become…uh…well, invisible.

Remus put on the enchanted cloak and ran to the dungeon office of the dreaded gorgon-of-a-woman, Professor Acacia." He proceeded to gesture with his hands, acting out the different movements of his story.

"He slipped into the room quietly, to find that the professor was not in the room. He searched diligently through all her possessions but could not find the journal." He shook his head with mock-sadness.

"He heard the door open, Professor Acacia entered the room. He stood quietly in the dark corner next to her fireplace. Shortly after her arrival, the lovely Kaida made an appearance. Remus stood in the shadows, searching the remainder of the room with his eyes. He finally found the journal-it had been hidden amongst the kindling of the fireplace. Upon realizing what Professor Acacia had been planning, Remus quickly tried to pull the journal out from the debris. Remus had managed to pull the journal out only seconds after Kaida had unknowingly set it aflame. His hands were burnt but he had saved the journal. He dare not go to Madame Pomfrey for aid, for they would know what he had done…" I was then hit with a flashback. I remember seeing his hands bandaged so tightly later that night that he could hardly turn the pages of a book he had been studying from. He had told me that they were burns from a "potions-related-accident".

_Poor dear Remus, what would possess you to do something so foolhardy?_

I heard his sweet voice and was lured back to the rest of his story.

"It would be years later that he would reunite Kaida with her precious journal. The end." He bowed to me, much like an actor would to his audience. I clapped loudly in response, wincing at each clap. The blood from my wounds began to bloom on surface of my bandages. Suddenly he lifted his head from his deep bow, almost as though he had caught the scent of my blood-which would be preposterous, as mortals don't have such a keen sense of smell!

"Kaida! Your hands are bleeding!" His voice had lost its cheery, singsong quality; it was now riddled with shock and worry.

"It's nothing, Remus…" He takes my hands carefully into his. He begins to remove the soiled dressing-I flinch as he pulls it away from my open wounds. I heard him draw his breath in sharply upon seeing the misshaped mass that had once been my hand.

"Kaida, what happened to your hands?" I had never heard someone speak so imploringly.

"It's nothing…it was only a 'potions-related-accident'." I say it so softly that I thought he might not have heard my words. I hope he understands that I do not wish for anyone else to know of my injury.

"I see… Well, there's not much I can do for a 'potions-related-accident'…I can however, get some clean dressing for it." His eyes twinkled with an unspoken sympathy. He moved towards the door. "I'll be right back."

I hear his the cadence of his swift feet echo on the marble floors of the corridor. As I sit in this empty room, I feel a sense of, for a lack of better words, _amour propre_ fill me. His lavish attention seemed to trigger something inside of me_. _This feeling engulfs me and has left me with a longing. A longing to leave Remus' office with my scent, so that perhaps he may think of me through his tedious day-a gentle reminder that I was there and that I will return. I remove the amaranth that nestled in my hair and throw it into the hungry mouth of the fireplace. The flames lick the delicate petals, and the room is soon bathed in its eerily sweet fragrance.

Soon I hear the rhythmic pounding of his feet; he bursts into the room with an arm full of bandages and gauze. He has left the door ajar.

"Where did you get all of that?"

"I nicked it from the Hospital wing. Here, give me your hands." I watched in awe as he wrapped them quickly and carefully. Upon noticing my jaw drop he shrugs airily and tells me, "I've done it before…"

I thank him and look out the open door. The sky has taken on a dangerous shade of amethyst-the sun has started to rise.

"It's very late Remus…perhaps we should continue our research tomorrow night…"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Allow me to escort you to your room…" He walks me to the door of his office. I stop abruptly, realizing that he may see my coffin if he were to escort me to my chambers.

"Thank you, Remus, but I should be fine on my own…" He leans gracefully on the doorframe.

"Are you sure now, Kaida?"

"Positive." I lean over to him slightly and kiss him softly on his cheek. I leave quickly but not before I see him blush a violent shade of red. I hear him quietly sniff the air. I see he's caught my scent. Let the chase begin.

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A/N: I will try my best to post promptly. It will really depend on the response I get for this chapter and also time. 


	14. chapter 14

A/N: Hello Everyone! I just want to quickly thank: _PadfootPrevails, gallandro-83, browneyedgirl2004, titou moony, PaarsKonijn, lilyfan, The Grim, Aerandir, and Pixie89 _for kindly reviewing chapter 13!

I'll be honest with you all, I've been sitting on this chapter for some time now...I woke up this morning unsure as to what I should do with this chapter...if I should post it or if I should toss it... I hope I made the right decision...

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Chapter 14:

_Quietly…I must wait quietly._

_He will pass soon…_

_He mustn't see me…_

_He mustn't hear me…_

_He mustn't know I'm here._

_A man walks by my caliginous__ eyrie…poor fool! I swoop down on him, sinking my talons into his supple flesh. He struggles against my grasp-my claws dig deeper into his flesh. The air is now filled with a metallic semblance. My fangs flash dangerously in the slivers of light that pierce my shadowy trap. He screams; he calls for help, as he bleeds-as the floor is stained with burgundy anguish. I sink my teeth into him. His blood pours into my mouth-it is bittersweet and warm. Ecstasy, undiluted and pure, rushes through me. I can hear the beating of his heart slow, as mine races. Swallowed up in the sound of its beating, I wait, I wait for it to stop. His body has gone limp against mine-it is no longer warm against my body, as life slips away from him. I push him away from me-satisfied. His body falls into the moonlight, his umber hair flecked with silver falling in disarray around his livid face. His eyes are open, stark and dead-even the color seems to have been drained from them. As I step over the body, I glance back on my fallen prey…_

_Remus?_

_Remus!_

_No!_

_What have I done?!_

My eyes fill with tears as they flutter open from their slumbered haze. My skin is drenched with sweat. I push off the cover of my coffin-its cavil echoes through my abode. I sit, shuddering at what had just transpired in my mind. The visions of blood and his limp body cloud my mind's eye. I don't know what frightens me more…the fact that I had killed Remus or that I had enjoyed it. I cringe at my own blood lust.

I rise from my coffin to gaze upon the calm murk of the night sky. Stars dot the shadowy body of the night like little white wounds. Even the moon looks malevolent, its edges sharp like that of a scythe.

My eyes drift away from the violent night sky to settle on a gnarled tree near the edge of the forbidden forest. It is covered with gashes from the lashings of time. Something beautifully pale shimmers in the moonlight. A unicorn! It has been so long since I've seen one… Perhaps it is because unicorns only visit the pure and innocent; things I've lost over the years. I feel my age start to weigh down my tired mind. I feel so old…I can't remember ever feeling young, not even when I was a child. No…wait, I do remember moments of feeling young, carefree and happy…they're moments that I have shared with Remus. _Remus…_

Absentmindedly, I find myself wandering towards my coffin. I dig through my grave of petals to find the battered cover of my journal. Cradling its soft green covers in my arms I settle into a chair at my desk. I place my journal carefully onto the nest of parchments and papers that have accumulated over the years; that now eclipse my lectern.

I flip through my journal and stop at the entry I made the night before. I close my eyes and suspend myself from my senses, in an attempt to relive that wonderful moment when I felt bold enough to brush my lips upon his cheek. It was velvety warm, smooth and flawless. I blush slightly at the thought of him.

_Remus…I want to see you tonight…but I don't dare to…not after such a horrific vision…_

The sound of someone gently knocking on a wooden door

I jump slightly with surprise. I quickly seize the disorganized mass of papers and bury my dossier under them, hoping that their pale, pallid bodies can protect my words from prying eyes. I glance back at my desk as I make my way to the base of the stairs, at the top of which lies the door. Upon making certain that its little green cover remains unseen, I gather my voice and ask them to enter.

"Good Evening Kaida." It is Severus. He has yet again, adopted a sickly sweet tone. He bows his head slightly, as his lips curl into a smile. "I hope that I am not disturbing you…"

"No, not at all. I was actually on my way out…" My eyes dart back to the pile of papers. I would feel foolish if he were to ever read from it.

"I see…well, I shan't keep you then, after all, we mustn't keep Lupin waiting now, must we?" His words drip with sarcasm and distain, as his smile melts into a scowl.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not off to see Remus!" I meet his eyes defiantly. "I was planning on going on a walk…outside…" I feel a tingling on the back of my neck, as the hairs stand on end-thoughts of the dementors filling my mind. I lift my cloak from its hook, hoping that my bluff would send Severus on his way.

"Anywhere in particular?" His mouth broke momentarily from his scowl to grin quizzically.

"No, nowhere in particular. I had only been planning to get some fresh air…clear my head a bit…" I try to sound offhand. Like the thought had taken me on a whim.

"Then perhaps, if it isn't too much of a bother, you can show me where you've been gathering these lovely amaranths…" He gestures to one on my desk; its dark purple petals aflame on the white backdrop of paper. He moves towards it, picking it up gracefully before moving towards me-much to my relief. I lightly turn my face from him, casting my eyes to the wall as I place my cloak over my shoulders. I feel his hand tuck the amaranth's stem over the bend of my ear. I look at him, to see him smile timidly.

"For inspiration…" He says hurriedly. I simply shake my head, a forced smile upon my face and make my way to the door. As I move up the stone steps, I feel his hand upon my wrist. "Wait, Kaida…before we go, I have something for you." I watch as he reaches into his cloak. He suddenly flashes me a mischievous grin. "But first you have to close your eyes and put out your hands…"

I oblige, my eyes are tightly shut, my hands facing him, palms out. He greets them with a gasp of surprise. "Kaida, your hands! What happened?"

Keeping my eyes closed and my hands out, I answer nonchalantly, "I got caught in the early morning sun…there's really not much damage done…they're healing quite well actually." I feel him inspect my hands. He handles them carefully, like rolls of ancient parchment that are liable to turn to dust at the slightest touch. Once satisfied that the burns posed no immediate threat to my life, he continues with his little game.

"Will it hurt if I were to place something in your hands?" He asks anxiously.

"No, Severus, it will not hurt. I am not made of glass; I will not shatter at so much as a breeze. I'd like to think that I am made of much stronger stuff then that." I tell him teasingly. Though his concern does touch me, my curiosity has once again, gotten the best of me. I wait eagerly for his surprise. I hear his lips part slightly-possibly to accommodate another smile. His heart beats furiously in the background.

I feel my hands drop slightly; the parcel is heavier than its dimensions would have you believe. "May I open my eyes now?"

"Oh yes, please do."

I open my eyes to find a small box wrapped in absinthe-colored paper, it radiates with a life of its own-like an odd cuboidal creature it sits in my hand.

"I was planning to give this to you later, but I think that it would prove most useful for our walk."

I tear into its green skin, exposing the white bit of flesh below its glossy surface. The wrapping paper lies in shreds on my floor as I open the black heart of the beast. The hinges groan as I lift the box's lid. A glint of silver catches my eye. A silver flower perched on a black satin cushion. The flower appears to be…

"It's Monkshood dipped in silver."

"Monkshood? You mean Wolfsbane. Wolfsbane dipped in silver. The ultimate talisman against werewolves, if I am not mistaken…" My eyes dart upwards from the fragile metallic flower to look at his face. Shock and surprise fill the crevices of his face. His mouth seems to have dropped open slightly.

_What are you up to Severus?_

"How very observant of you, Kaida." He looks to have recovered from his initial shock. "I saw it in the window of a shop in Knocktur-I mean…an alley near Diagon Alley; I thought it would be an appropriate gift, being that you did discover the Wolfsbane Potion…"

"How sweet of you, Severus! It's lovely." I hear him exhale deeply and his heart slow to its normal pace-silly Severus, always worried about disappointing me.

I brush my index finger against the cold, dead metal of the blossom's petals and feel a shock run through my hand.

_It's repelling me? But why?_

The silver glows mysteriously in the moonlight; wanting to inspect it further, I pick up the delicate flower; a mild series of shocks is sent through my arm. I flinch slightly but they soon stop.

"Would you like me to pin it to your robe?" He asks shyly. He moves in closer and picks up the flower daintily.

Not wanting to be rude, I dismiss the mild shocks as static, and I agree. As I wait for him to pierce my robe with the flower's sliver thorn, I notice him swallow hard. He gently pinches the cloth above my chest; above my heart-again, he swallows hard. He secures it to my robe, upon being certain that it was centred, he steps back to admire his work. I tilt my head back slightly to show off the glistening silver upon the base of my neck. He smiles approvingly, as he offers me his arm.

We walk swiftly through the corridors, my cloak billowing behind me like a rogue shadow. I can see the sickle moon chase us, driving its curved blade into my mind-reminding me of my unnatural lust. I try to force the images from my mind, but they are still vivid, still dripping with blood.

Severus stops abruptly, he stands perfectly still as though turned to stone, as he listens to the silence of the night. I look on; the marble floors of the foyer are beautiful in the moonlight, like the surface of a milky lake, smooth, and calm with only the occasional grey ripple. We've arrived at the school's main entrance. The monstrous doors loom forebodingly over us. Its large wooden teeth, clenched-bits of metal wedged between each great incisor.

He takes hold of the formidable door handle, and with a great groan manages to open it. I can feel the fear inside me grow exponentially as the gap between the door and its frame widens. I am not certain as to what I fear exactly-if it is even the dementors that frighten me…or if it is something else. I look on as he checks the threshold for their presence; they seem to have wandered off at the moment. Seizing this opportunity, we slip out into the evening fog.

I welcome the numbing bite of the cool autumn evening, as it draws my mind away from the demons that consume it. The fog is thick across the barren field; it transforms the dense forest into black silhouettes interspersed thinly amongst an ocean of mist.

"Kaida, do you think you could…" I see him offer me his forearm.

"Of course, Severus…" I place my hand on his forearm and gently guide him towards the forest.

The grass is heavy with dew. The air is filled with the earthy scents of fall. The cool crisp air mingling with the scent of pumpkin leaves from Hagrid's garden. We walk past the quaint little hut and I notice that the windows still radiate with candlelight.

"I wonder what Hagrid is doing up at this hour?"

"He's probably still blubbering over that Hippogriff of his! Honestly, you would think that he would have enough sense to know that Hippogriffs are too advanced for third year students." His voice is devoid of all sympathy.

"I take it that the class didn't go well…"

"That is putting it lightly. Thanks to him and his hippogriff, Slytherin is short a Quidditch player; not to mention a good student."

"Poor Hagrid…" I hear Severus scoff quietly, and decide to drop the matter.

Hagrid and I share a common love for what we affectionately call, "interesting creatures". It is over this common ground that our friendship flourished. He is a kindly man; thoughtful and sweet-he is to me, like an older brother. I feel a ball of guilt in the pit of my stomach. If only I hadn't encouraged Hagrid to bring hippogriffs to his first class…I cannot provide solace with regret; I will make amends with Hagrid when I return from the Forbidden Forest.

As we near the edge of the forest, I notice something bolt towards the Whomping Willow. It's big, very big. I watch as its muscular form runs towards the tree, its ebony coat, a flash of dark lightening. Suddenly it stops; it stands, staring at me…a Grim! A wave of fog blows over it and it disappears. Could it be my imagination? Or could there really be a Grim? I pray that Remus is not the one it seeks.

We break through the line of trees, their trunks like a sieve, holding back the haze of fog. I hear the crunch of the fallen leaves under foot. The forest has been blanketed with an eerie silence, nothing seems to be stirring, the only sound is the echo of our steps. The forest is a mysterious place, full of dangerously "interesting creatures". Severus draws out his wand; he seems to be weary of what might lurk in the shadow of the forest. I know that nothing in this forest can harm me, and yet I continue to cling to my childish, mortal fears of the unknown. An aura of dark vivacity seems to have settled around me. It pulsates with an unseen essence. There is something amiss…something is wrong…

I quicken my pace; trying to reach the safety of the amaranth-filled clearing as quickly as possible.

"Kaida, is there something wrong? Why are we running?" He pants as we dodge low hanging branches.

"There is something out there…we must do this quickly…we must get to the clearing…I can't protect you from what ever pursues us with all these trees obstructing my vision…" I wrap my hands around his wrist as we weave through the multitude of trees.

We break the final line of obstructions to find ourselves in an open clearing. The moonlight shatters the leafy canopy of the forest, and bathes the clearing in its fulgurant glow. Waves of amaranths cover the forest floor.

I direct Severus to the amaranths, as I survey the clearing. I see nothing…nothing seems to be out there…but I can feel its presence. Its semblance is heavy; I feel myself being crushed under its magnitude…my chest fills with a frigid foreboding. I fight to keep my balance, but my limbs seem to have failed me…I hear someone call out my name, as I fall.

"Severus…" I hear my own voice calling to him, but it sounds like nothing more then a whisper. I feel his arms around me as I collapse to the ground. A veil casts itself around my thoughts as I begin to drift in out of consciousness.

_Amaranths…I smell amaranths…_

_Severus? _

I see his face briefly before I fade out of consciousness, yet again…

Suddenly I feel my body jerked upwards, the sound of tearing cloth filling the void of the night….

I hear someone breathing heavily…my body is flushed with heat…I feel a great pressure upon my chest…My eyes flutter open to find Severus upon me, a laboured breath against his lips, sweat beading on his brow.

I rally my strength and push him from me. I see him fall backwards from my attack. I will my weakened limbs to run. I look down to find the front of my robe torn open, my skin exposed to the night.

Clutching the front of my robes I flee, until my body finally collapses from exhaustion. I lie in a heap of black cloth and panic. I hear his approach…he cannot be much farther then a few metres from where I lie. I feel my once indifferent heart become engulfed in mortal fears. For the first time in decades I feel terror, as his form looms over me.

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A/N: A bit of a cliffhanger isn't it? I will try to post as soon as possible, but as always I could do with some inspiration (hint, hint)-reviews are a wonderful place to start;) 


	15. chapter 15

A/N:

Hello Everyone!

I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting! But before we begin, some 'thank yous' are in order: _EyesofEmerald, lilyfan, Padfoot-rulz011, The Grim, wotchertonks, Aerandir, Riaelfgirl, Aerlalaith, Yavannie, Dark Vampiresss, The Parrot has ceased to be, Paars Konijn, and esta-gr. _Thank you all for reviewing chapter 14!

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Chapter 15:

"Kaida…" He tries to cup my face between his hands. The tattered stripes of my robe cling to left hand. I knock his imploring hands away with one fluid motion of my arm. I feel what little strength I have in my limbs fade, as I fall to my side. I can feel his arms around me…to think that I once felt safe in them…now they are like poison upon my body…

"Don't touch me…" I whisper, as mind is dragged under the surface of the conscious world. The forest disappearing into evanescence.

_I have to keep running…_

_I can't stop…He'll catch me!_

_These halls are so narrow…_

_There's no where to run…_

_He's coming…_

_No!_

_Get away from me!_

_No! _

_Don't Touch Me!_

_No!_

My eyes fly open. I am no longer in the Forbidden Forest…I'm in my room, in my coffin, a cloak draped over me. My head stills pounds with perturbation, as I lift the cloak to find myself in a torn robe. I had hoped that it was all just a nightmare. I pull the cloak around me, as I feel my façade of strength crumble and surrender to my tears. I sit up and pull my legs towards my chest as I weep.

I hear someone rise, I turn quickly to see who it may be, my eyes fall on Hagrid. His head is tilted in sympathy as he reaches out to hold me. I feel like a wounded bird in his hands. He coos softly, trying to comfort me, trying to stop the tears.

"There, there, Kaida…. it's all over…yer safe now…" The flow of my tears begin to slow, as I look up into Hagrid's reassuring eyes. I see his mass of shaggy hair shift, as he smiles softly. He pats my head gently with his massive hand. He takes out his spotty handkerchief and holds it to my nose, waiting for me to blow into it. I stare at him blankly. Chuckling, he hands me the handkerchief. "Sorry, 'bout that… d'you mind if I go check on Buckbeak quickly?"

I shake my head. At this point, I just want to be alone…

"You sure?"

I nod…my voice seems to have failed me; like it did in the forest…

"If you need anything, send Severus to get me." He gestures to a hunched mass at my desk.

_Severus? Severus!_

His head between his hands, his elbows buried deep in the mass of papers. I feel a hot surge of anger well inside my shattered spirit. My voice seems to have returned to me, full of rage.

"How dare you come into my room!" My voice rises to a fevered pitch, breaking slightly as it rose higher. He looks up from my desk. His face has taken on a sheen-I'm sure they are remnants of the sweat that once beaded along his brow. He looks at me with an empty look of confusion. "Don't you dare look at me! I never want to feel your eyes upon me again! How could you Severus? I trusted you!"

Feeling my strength return to me, I lunge forward, grabbing a hold of his robe, twisting it into my fists as the dull thud of wood echoes through the room. He lies limply in my grasp, as I shake him vigorously. He has an air of apathy around him. His gaze falls upon my face-eyes dead. I feel Hagrid's hand pull me from him. "Stop it, Kaida! Yeh don't know what yer doin'… Give the man a chance ter explain." With Hagrid restraining me, that is about all I can do.

"C'mon Severus, tell 'er…no time to be humble! Out with it!"

I watch him open his mouth as if to speak…they move wordlessly. Slowly, he finds his voice, with a slight tremble to his words, he tells me, "You fainted…"

Is that all you have to say! That I fainted? 

"Severus, 'best you be startin' from the beginnin'" His head is bowed, his shoulders hunched, his arms slacked-had I not known better, I would have thought him a puppet.

"Guess it'll be up ter me ter tell yeh. Well, I was out walkin' Fang, when I saw this bright light. I came runnin'. Yeh were on the ground and Severus was tryin' ter drive back a mess o' dementors. But his partonus wasn't strong enough. Those filth dementors started ter close in on yeh. So Severus, put himself in between yeh and them. He tried ter shield yeh from them with himself. Bravest thing I ever saw. For some reason they wanted yeh. Then I saw Severus throw something inter the forest; they chased after it. That's when I saw yeh run into the forest. Severus chased after yeh-he was scared yeh'd run inter them again. I tried ter help…"

I shake my head in disbelief, as my anger languished-more question consuming my thoughts. _He tried to protect me? But why had he torn my robe open?_ At this point, Severus spoke; he seemed to have pulled himself together during Hagrid's story. "It was the pin…"

"The pin?" I ask, notes of confusion dispersed amongst my words.

"The shopkeeper at Borgin and Burkes told me that the pin was a talisman. It had been enchanted with a charm that would protect the wearer against evil. It was supposed to absorb evil, and drive away lycanthropes. I didn't know that it would suck the happiness from the wearer to power itself…." He paused as his voice broke. "I just wanted to protect you from him…to keep him away…I didn't know that it would attack you too… I didn't think that it would attract them…" He looks up at me, with those same imploring eyes that I had seen in the forest. They seemed to beg me to believe them.

"Yeh see, Kaida? It wasn't Severus that attacked yeh-he tried to protect yeh. It was the pin. All that happiness in that pin musta made them hungry dementors crazy. Yer lucky Severus knew what to do…"

I look into Hagrid's face, his black eyes twinkling as he nodded slowly-willing me to believe. I try to approach this situation with what little logic is still at my disposal.

_The story makes perfect sense…I didn't actually see Severus do anything, they were only little clips and flashes…and I was so confused and weak, I could have easily assumed a whole slew of things to have happened…yes…it's very logical…it makes perfect sense…_

_And yet…logic provides so little comfort to me…_

I cast my eye onto Severus-he does not move from the little void he has created around himself. His shoulders are still curving inward, his head still bowed. In that instant, he seemed to age tremendously; as he gave into sadness-I could hear his heart beat slowly and irregularly, as though it were unsure if it should go on.

"I'm sorry Kaida… I just wanted to give you something…something to symbolize my feelings for you… I never meant to hurt you…" His sullen expression fills me with guilt and yet I remain weary of him.

"Don't apologize, Severus…" My words are warm and soothing, but my tone is icy and dead. "Thank you for defending me…" I turn from him and settle myself on the cold stone floors. I feel exhausted but my mind remains alert. I feel an amalgam of emotions-guilt, sadness, remorse, and thankfulness, forged together by the fires of anger. My thoughts are still hot with rage, as I try to regain composure, as I try to cool them with logic.

Severus still hangs his head over my desk, staring at nothing. I don't know what to say. I don't know how I should feel. So much has happened…I see Severus in totally different light… It is not so much the fact that I was wrong that keeps me stationary. It is more the fact that I am still coming to terms with what I saw tonight.

I had always thought that I understood Severus; that I knew everything about him-every aspect of his personality, every feeling he could experience. But tonight, he was a paradox.

I never thought that I would ever be frightened of Severus; but tonight I felt sheer terror at the sight of him. I know now, that it was a misunderstanding…but the fact that he has the potential to do so…it sends shivers down my spine.

Perhaps my deification of him is what leads me down this path. His indifference to life was something I wanted. I wanted to look at life with contempt…to keep it at a distance…I wanted to be like Severus, always in control. But tonight, he fell from grace and exposed himself to being only human. Something I fear I too am guilty of.

Severus…we are more alike now then ever before, dear brother… 

I rise from the safety of the floor and walk to Severus. His forearms rest shoulder-width apart on the paper-strewn surface of my desk, his fists clenched lightly. I place my hand over his, slipping my fingers between the curl of his fingers and the curve of his palm. He squeezes my hand, silently lamenting the evening's events. He looks up at me. I stare into the obsidian of his eyes, their watery surface glowing with emotions. "I thought I had lost you tonight…I was so scared that I had lost you forever…."

"For a moment you did…" I whisper sombrely, "…but I found my way back…"

"It's bin a long night, we best be gettin' some rest…" Hagrid rose from his seat on the stairs and ushered Severus out of my chambers.

My eyes follow them as they disappear past the wooden door. As I turn to my desk, I notice watermarks dispersed upon the sheets of paper. The once uniformly lined words now bleed and run. I brush aside the damp rolls of parchment to reveal my journal. The ink upon its pages bleed as well, like a watery dagger had been plunged into their inky hearts.

Could Severus have been crying? Could he have been crying for me? 

Leaving the journal amongst the papers, I crawl into my coffin. Tonight has been riddled with ironies that even my tired mind cannot ignore.

_In one night, I had turned from hunter into prey._

_In one night, I had watched an idol become mortal._

_In one night, I had become lost._

_In one night, I came to understand._

As I lay in my coffin willing myself to sleep, I thought about Severus-I thought about his mortality. As I pondered the implications of the change I saw in him tonight, I came to realize that it is his humanity that frightened me. That he was no longer infallible. That he was human. It is not Severus that scared me-it is being human! It is feeling things I cannot control…it is the surrender to emotions…that is what frightens me…

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A/N: I will do my very very best to update as soon as possible. I've been feeling rather lack-lustre lately...I don't know how long it will take for me to find my muses and produce another chapter but I will try my best not to keep you all waiting....I should have something for you at the very latest in a week... 


	16. chapter 16

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I'm terribly sorry to have kept you all waiting. I hope you will find this chapter to have been well worth the wait. But before we proceed, I'd just like to quickly thank those kind enough to review chapter 15:

_WotcherTonks, The Grim, EyesofEmerald, Neoma, Titou Moony :-P, browneyedgirl2004, Riaelfgirl, Aerandir, Yavannie, The Parrot has ceased to be, PaarsKonijn, Aerlalaith, and esta-gr._

Thank you all so much for reviewing! I truly appreciate the time you take to read and review my little story!

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 16:

Night has fallen, and yet I do not wish to rise. I want to remain in the safety of my coffin until all the events of last night fade from memory. But it is of no use; my idleness acts as perfect portkey for my wandering mind to travel back to last night. Grudgingly I lift the cover of my coffin to hear something slide across its top. With a loud thud, it hits the ground. Crawling out of my crypt, I peer behind it to find a large, leather-bound book. A small white card lies abandoned beside it. The card reads, in thin, curly emerald letters:

_It had been your Maker's wish that someday this book would come to be yours. Use it wisely._

I turn over the card in search of more words but they are not to be found. _Odd_. I pick up the book and study its cover. It is bound in burgundy leather, and embossed with a golden lion. The leather is soft with a fine grain.

Taking a seat at my lectern, I open the book and inhale the sweet smell of age and ink…and blood? A small yellowing envelope falls into my lap. My name graces its front in long, sweeping letters. It has been sealed with a rigid but ornate 'A' moulded into ebony wax. I break the seal, relishing the light crack it makes as it crumbles. I pull out the letter and read the beautifully written calligraphy:

_Dearest Kaida,_

_It is with great sorrow that I write this letter to you, for in mere hours I will have to leave you. The slayers have found me; they will descend upon me just before sunrise-I have seen it in my dreams; I know it is my destiny. This is why I must leave you; I cannot risk them finding you…killing you. _

_Do not worry yourself over my fate, for I plan to walk into the morning sun; I refuse to fall prey to them! It is in these last few moments of life that I wish to reminisce, to remember happier times, to remember how you became so dear to me. _

_Being the clever girl that you are, I'm sure you have noticed that this ink reeks of blood. I have taken the precaution of writing my words in a mixture of my blood and ink so that only your eyes may feast upon my words. Only those who have my blood and essence coursing through them will ever see these words. Now let us begin._

_Firstly, you must know that you are the only one I have ever created. For centuries I was content to live on my own; that was before I found you. I'm sure you didn't realize this at the time, but I had been watching you for seven years before I was certain that you were the one. _

_I saw you for the first time in Diagon Alley. You were shopping for school supplies, alone. I found it odd that a child your age would be left to their own devices, but then I saw your beautifully sombre eyes of yours and realized that you were no child at all! I followed you that evening, as you darted in and out of various shops, and was taken by your strength and maturity. That is how it all began. _

_It had been my intention to take you that night-to feast on you. I followed you home; I followed you to your prison. I saw the sadness in your eyes as you crossed the threshold of your cage, as you willing accepted your father's abuse. How I longed to take him, to shake him violently as he did you. But I could sense that that was not what you wanted; so I refrained from killing him. I watched you die slowly. I watched as he tore you down at every turn, and for the first time in all my immortal years, I felt powerless._

_It was only when I saw your suffering that I came to appreciate your spirit. I began to follow you; I wanted to protect you…there was not an evening that I would not be by your side. _

_I had been present for your sorting; I stood in the shadows peering in through a nearby window. I remember how excited I was for you. I was certain that your bravery would surely win you a place in Gryffindor. I had hoped that you would honour my house with your brave heart. But it seemed that your ambition and desire to rise above your father's scorn was far stronger than your courage, for you were sorted into Slytherin. This of course, threw me, as Gryffindors and Slytherins were sworn enemies of old. But that was only momentary, for ultimately, my feelings for you were too strong. _

_For the next seven years, you ensnared me with your wit and beauty. I watched you with great fascination and came to realize that I loved you. I watched you grow and flourish at Hogwarts only to die again in the summer. I wanted to free you from your cage; to watch you soar to greatness, to rise to your rightful place in life…but I did not… It would be you that would free yourself from your shackles. _

_It was the evening after your graduation that you escaped. I watched with a heavy heart as you struggled to survive on the streets-I wanted to help you, but I had nothing to offer. _

_As the days passed you grew weaker, you were starving…dying slowly yet again. It was only when you collapsed for the third time did I come to you. I wanted to end your suffering…to end my own; I couldn't bare to watch you in so much pain. I tried to cloud your mind with happy thoughts, wreathe your senses with visions of elation, but you would not allow it. Most mortals beg for me to cover them in a veil of illusions before I take their lives, but you wanted to stare death in the face. So much courage in such a fragile mortal shell, it seemed unnatural._

_As I drank from you, your thoughts became mine and mine became yours. You asked me to take your memories away, to stop the pain of your past. I drank deeply, trying to rid you of this bane, but your mind remained strong-it refused to surrender. That is why your memories of the past seemed fractured and broken-I had failed to cleanse you of them. _

_I watched your lithe body grow limp as I siphoned the life from you; it was then that I felt a pang of selfishness. You deserved so much more; you deserved to live…I wanted you to live. I wanted you to regale me with your wit, your beauty. I wanted you. That is why I created you. You gave my existence meaning again-in you I found salvation. Who would have known that only days after your creation, the slayers would find me?_

_This book that I give to you is the product of decades of discovery. I began writing this book long before you came into my life, long before I had a purpose. I had started writing it in order to record our people's ways. In just the first chapter you will learn more than humanity will ever know of us. _

_I loathe myself for leaving you like this…for leaving you with only a book to show you the way, but this is how things must be. Know that I love you-that I have always loved you and will continue to do so even when my body is reduced to ash. I do not want you to be saddened by my passing; rather I want you to revel in this new life. Honour my memory by knowing happiness and love._

_Good bye my dark angle, it is through you that my cursed soul has found deliverance._

_ Forever Yours,_

_ Adelais_

I touched his words with my fingertips, brushing them lightly. My eyes sting as a fresh wave of sadness descends around me. He knew me before I even knew myself…he loved me so completely that he was willing to die for me. I wonder if I will ever know such love again.

I wanted to weep for Adelais…I wanted to weep for his sacrifice…. but the tears would not flow. Though his words were tender and sweet, my heart refused to fall back into mortal habits-perhaps it is still reeling from the night before.

I returned the letter to its folded-paper home before placing it in the safety of the burgundy covers. I turn to the first page and am filled with awe. Adelais spared nothing, every imaginable aspect of vampire life was documented; from the clothing we preferred to the manner of capture-everything was divulged. I stared at this vampiric Rosetta stone, the ways of my kind displayed in all its bloody truths-finally my questions would be answered.

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A/N: I will try my very best to post soon, but it really does come down to inspiration and motivation;) So please review everyone, I do enjoy hearing from all of you. And feel free to email me at anytime-always glad to get emails from readers!

Ninde Annare


	17. chapter 17

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I am truly sorry for the lateness of this update! As many of you know, I have been tossling with my muses lately-trying to will them to give inspiration. It's been an interesting struggle and it has yielded this. I hope that you will find that it was worth the wait. But before we begin, I would like to humbly thank the following people for reviewing chapter 16 (I sorely needed the comments and am truly greatful to all of you):

_EyesofEmerald_: Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement.

_WotcherTonks:_ Thank you for continuing to read my story and for aways reviewing.

_The Grim:_ Thank you for always reviewing my chapters and I will definately check out "In the forests of the night".

_The Parrot has ceased to be:_ Thank you. You always know just what to say.

_browneyedgirl2004:_ You have definately inspired me to write! Thank you.

_esta-gr:_ I am truly flattered that you would think of my story so highly as to add it to you favorites.

_GrEeN DrAgOnFlY/BlackKat99:_ There is no need to apologize, the fact that you have continued to read and review time and time again, is more then I could ever ask for.

_The New Dark Artist: _Thank you and welcome to my little story. I hope that you will continue to read and review.

_Aerlalaith:_ Thank you for always reviewing! You will notice that I will continue to reveal more and more about vampire, as well as, werewolf culture as the chapters proceed.

_lilyfan:_ I hope this chapter will answer some of the questions that you have about Kaida's nature and thank you again, for always reviewing.

_Riaelfgirl: _I'm sorry for that cliffhanger, I had no idea where I was going to go with the next chapter...so it was a cliffhanger for the both of us:D Thank you for continuing to review.

_Padfoot-rulz011_: No need to apologize, I understand fully what it is like to have a semi-functioning computer. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

_Yavannie:_ I hope that this chapter will provide enough intellectual sustenance to qualify as a "feast".

_Dark Vampiresss:_ Thank you for all the kind words you've given me over the whole run of this story. I hope you enjoyed your holiday:)

_Lillei:_ Thank you and Welcome to my little story! I hope that you will continue to find it entertaining and that you will continue to read and review.

_HolsyEvans:_ I'm glad you enjoyed Adelais' letter-frankly I wasn't sure if I was going to include it in the story at all...I was worried it might be too cliché. Thank you for reviewing.

_Chantel J: _Welcome back and thank you so much for reviewing!

Thank you to one and all! My mind is still swooning from the number of reviews I've gotten. I don't think that even in my most manic state could I ever fathom that I would recieve over 160 reviews-I am truly not worthy of your praise (but nonetheless, I enjoy recieving them; )

Thank you again,

Ninde Annare

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Chapter 17:

I would spend the rest of that evening reading my Maker's words-committing them to memory. I devoured his words with a fervour matched only by my desire to know more. As I read Adelais' words I came to realize that all the years of tireless research about my kind had amounted to nothing…I knew nothing of vampires…I knew nothing of myself… I wrapped myself in Adelais' words; I retreated into a chyrsalid-refusing to immerge until I knew what I was.

I left the safety of my chambers to find a place where I was certain I would not be disturbed. As I walked by Remus' office I felt a great longing…I longed to be with him, to be near him, to touch him…but until I was certain that my dream had only been a dream I could not risk it. I scribbled a note onto a card and slipped it under his door-it simply read: _Forgive me, Remus_. I walked away swiftly before my feeble heart could persuade me to do otherwise.

I continued with my isolation, denying all my presence. Every night I would retreat to a new location in the school; every night I would leave Remus a note of apology and suggestions for his class. It became a routine, and so it was for a month.

Tonight I've retreated to the Southern Tower. I perch myself on the wide sill of the window; the moon's brilliance tore through the grey of the storm clouds igniting the room in a muted luminosity. I hear the gentle tapping of raindrops upon the glass; the steady beating produces a hypnotic rhythm almost like the soft beating of a heart. I stare blankly at the curly lines of blood and ink, like water the words washed over me but left nary a mark.

* * *

The Bond 

It is often thought that vampires keep harems, coteries of random victims waiting for us to feast upon them on a whim. This act is to vampires as promiscuity is to mortals-sullied and empty. Unfortunately, many of our ilk have taken to this lifestyle; but there are some that cling to the romance of tradition.

The act of drinking blood is not a violent act; by all means, it is far from it. The drinking of blood is a sensual process. Blood is precious to us-sacred. It is this feeling of sacredness that leads some vampires to drink from only one-the Lamoure. The Lamoure is one whom the vampire loves so completely that they want to have that mortal's quintessence flowing through them…to have a part of their lover with them always. For many vampires, it is their mortal wives or husbands, their lovers, someone significant to them.

Why subject your beloved to the pains of blood drinking? You may ask. Blood drinking can be painful or it can be pleasurable…it is the vampire's discursion. We may wreathe the mortal in visions, pleasing their other senses, acting like an aesthetic. The pain of the bite simply melts into pleasure and passion. The Lamoure are not unaware of what is happening; on the contrary, for a brief moment they experience the acute senses of vampires-allowing them to become fully enveloped in ecstasy. It is a sensual act of giving, for both parties. 

* * *

I paused, as I entertained the idea of a lover…the idea of having someone with me always. Only one person came to mind, _Remus_. If I were ever to take a lover it would be him, and only him. He fills me with a joy I have never experienced before-it is like being a bird and only just realizing what your wings are for, the joy of flight. I feel myself become lost in thoughts of Remus…his wonderful smile, his gentle voice, his presence… I shake my head, in an attempt to focus my mind…to will it to continue reading…

* * *

Metamorphosis 

As you may have noticed, vampires have often been depicted in mortal literature with a large variation between one author's descriptions and another. This is partly due to sloppiness on the part of mortals but can also be attributed to the fact that there are 3 stages in which we vampires can exist. These are known as: Plumatus (The Fledgling), Potor (The Drinker), and Messor (The Reaper).

With the passing of time, a vampire not only becomes more beautiful but also more dangerous. Like the calm of twilight passes into the danger of daybreak, so do a vampire's instincts, growing more dangerous with time. It is in our nature, in our base metal, to kill; with each passing stage this nature becomes more predominant until, ultimately all that is left is our true forms.

The first stage is one that all newly formed vampires will enter into, Plumatus, more commonly known as, the Fledgling. The fledgling although the most homely of all vampire forms is far fairer then any mere mortal. They wane in the twilight of mortality and immortality. As such, the fledgling exhibits many mortal traits, such as the warmth of mortal flesh-which remains supple and soft. Their bodies still cling to their mortal nature-something that will eventually fade with time, as they come to adjust to the dark gift.

The fledgling well feed on the blood of animals; starting with small creatures, until they build enough confidence and skill to drink from humans. The fledgling will only need to feed every month or so, drinking only a small quantity of blood, as they are weaned off of mortal food. A fledgling may ingest mortal food but they will find that it does not satisfy them, as it does not contain the potency of blood. As such, Fledglings generally do not pose a threat to humans.

The fledgling stage can last an indefinitely long period of time; they must first 'graduate' from animal blood to mortal blood before they enter the second stage. The taste of human blood awakens the vampiric instincts that would otherwise remain dormant. It is essential that the fledgling first learn to control their hunger before they enter stage two, should they fail to do so, they shall become an uncontrollable plague upon all in their presence-slaughtering several humans in one sitting.

Stage two is known as Potor, also known as the Drinker. The Drinker will need to consume more blood than that of a fledgling. Their bodies are undergoing a physical change and require more sustenance then their fledgling forms. Their bodies will lose its warmth, their beauty will increase exponentially and their fangs will become more prominent, as will their claws. The Drinker will wear beauty and serenity like a silk robe, hiding its true weapons under the folds of its cloth.

The Drinker will need to feed either upon several victims or on one several times-taking small mouthfuls of blood at each sitting-to satisfy their hunger. I must make it clear that as vampires, we are not to take the lives of mortals. We take from them only what we need to sustain ourselves- no more, no less. It is an unspoken promise that our kind has made to our prey; one that we must never break. Should we break this ancient promise, we will become nothing more then murderers, devourer of souls.

This vow is almost as sacred as the banning of magical blood. This brings me to a most important point: No vampire shall ever feast upon another creature of magic. It is cannibalistic to feast upon our kin. Any creature of magic is considered our kin, from the noble centaurs to the beautiful veela; we shall never drink from a child of magic. Unlike witches and wizards who simply wield magic, we are made from it-bore out of its mysterious core. Magic is in our flesh, in our blood, in our very souls. Not only is partaking of this magical blood sacrilegious, it is dangerous to the vampire that dares to do so. The magic within the blood of the beast, amplifies the power of our own magic accelerating our stages-forcing our bodies to become something our minds cannot handle, forcing them into the third and final stage: The Messor.

The Messor, more commonly referred to as the Reaper, is the bringer of death; they are the third and final form of vampires. It is very rare that a vampire should even enter this stage, as many Makers will deny their fledglings magical blood. However, for those lost fledglings who's Makers have abandoned them, the temptation of magical blood may be too great. I have been told that the blood of humans pale in comparison to that of a magical creature's-I suspect it is only a case of longing for the "forbidden fruit".

Know that once the forbidden blood touches ones lips ones soul will become cursed, damned for eternity. The infidels will be reduced to a shell of themselves, losing all reason and humanity. They will simply become a vessel for the hunger to wield, a tool of destruction. Reapers surrender to their blood lust, killing everyone around them in a futile attempt to satisfy their hunger. A Reaper will never know satisfaction; they could slaughter a village of people and still feel empty.

Pray dear child, that you will never know the emptiness of the Reaper.

I know that this may all play heavily upon your mind, but do not be deterred from feeding. It is vital that you do not, for a vampire in a weakened state is easily overpowered. Remember that this world is full of wizards that mean us harm; that wish for nothing more then our destruction.

* * *

I look back on Adelais' words as they sink into my subconscious and disappear from memory. My mind is filled with thoughts of Remus; it has been a month since I've seen him…. I reread the passage referring to fledglings.

I have never touched human blood; therefore, I am still a fledgling! How wonderful…I can see Remus again. I do not have to fear my vampiric instincts awakening…I do not have to fear my dream! That night in his office…those thoughts…they were not the result of my blood lust but of my…mortal lust…hmmm…perhaps there is still something I should fear…or perhaps something that Remus should fear. A smile stretches across my face, as thoughts of seducing the mysterious professor swirl in my mind.

* * *

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that chapter. I will do my best to update soon...but it is more likely that I will need another week or so to formulate the next chapter. But as you know, reviews have a way of forcing my hand to write faster;). I can promise you that it will be doubly long as this chapter-so if you are all willing to wait, I will try my very best to produce something worthy of your praises.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Ninde Annare


	18. chapter 18

A/N: Hello Everyone!

Firstly, I would like to apologize for the long wait; I hope that you will find this chapter to have been well worth it. I found this chapter quite difficult to write in my current state of inspirational drought-so I apologize again if you find it to be below my normal standards. Please bare with me as I thank everyone who had kindly taken time from their busy schedules to review Chapter 17:

_gallandro-83:_ Thank you for continuing to read and review. As I've said before, you are a clever bloke! I hope my email provided sufficient answers to the points your raised in your review.

_Aerlalaith: _Thank you for your kind words and for continuing to read and review my little fic.

_Lillei: _I am flattered, not to mention, honored that you think so highly of my work as to add it to your favorites. I hope I continue to meet(and perhaps even surpass) your expectations. Thank you for reviewing and for all the kind words.

_WotcherTonks: _I am absolutely elated that you have been able to see vampires in such a positive light-t'was my intention to try and guide you lovely readers to that point. It's reviewers like you that keep me writing. Thank you.

_Riaelfgirl:_ In answer to your question: I haven't the foggiest where these ideas come from. They seem to just come to me; desperate to be put into words. I thank for continuing to read and review my story.

_The Grim: _Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and compliments! [pats large black dog on head]

_browneyedgirl2004: _Thank you for your lovely review! I always enjoy hearing from you! And there is really no need to thank me for including you in my 'Thank You's'. If anything, I should thank you for all the kindness you have shown me!

_The Parrot has ceased to be: _Thank you for not only reviewing but for pointing that spelling error out to me. Please forgive me for my sloppiness, I had intened for it to read "homely" but I must have mistyped the word. Funny how one letter can change the whole meaning of a word.

_Chantal J:_ Thank you for continuing to read and review! I truly apprciate it.

_esta-gr: _Thank you! You are really too kind.

_lilyfan: _Funny how you envy me for my imagination; I envy you for your written style! Thank you for continuing to read and review!

_kiwaussi:_ Welcome back! I haven't heard from you in so very long. I had thought that perhaps my story no longer interested you-I'm glad that I was wrong! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

_Neoma: _Ah, such a clever girl! I shant say more, as I might ruin the story you! But thank you for you reading and reviewing!

_Aerandir: _Thank you, thank you! You are just too kind! I can always count on your review to lift my spirits!

_GrEeN DrAGoNfLy: _I have such wonderfully brilliant readers! I added the passage from Adelais' book so that you lovely (and undoubtably clever) readers could deduce Kaida's current stage. It is not obvious to her as she was (1)unaware of the blood's origin, and (2) because she had forgotten that she had sampled the mysterious blood. Now, I won't say more, except Thank you for reviewing-I do not want to give too much away, now do I? And to answer your question, I did create the information in Adelais' book.

_EyesofEmerald:_ I am always flattered when such gifted writers (such as yourself) take time out of their busy writing schedules to review my story. I can't thank you enough for all your kind words and also for continuing to beta for me when others have refused. Thank you!

_Dark Vampiress:_ Thank you! I am greatly relieved that so many of you lovely readers found the vampire ideology to be interesting-I was worried that perhaps you would find it boring or cliche. Thank you again for continuing to read and review!

And to all my silent readers, thank you for reading my story. I hope that someday you will feel that my story warrants a review from you; until then, I will do my best to win you over. Thank you, dear readers for your continued patronage-there are no words to express my gratitude to you all. Well, enough of my rambling...without further ado, Chapter 18.

Thank You all again,

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 18:

_Hunger._

_Fangs…_

_Claws…_

_Tearing…_

_Screaming…_

_Bleeding…_

_Death._

I force my sleepy eyes open, determined to rid them of their murderous midnight marauding. I find myself surrounded by the safety of my coffin, and yet…I feel so exposed. These dreams have awakened something inside of me that shakes me to my very core…

These dreams of death have haunted me mercilessly for weeks now; they wait in the shadows of my mind…biding their time…waiting for the perfect moment to spring forth…to capture my defenceless dreams. It is when I surrender to sleep that I become their captive…it is when my limbs are bound by torpidity that they force me to watch my bloody metamorphosis.

In these dreams I succumb to my vampiric lust…in these dreams I lose myself. I watch myself savour the taste of blood…I watch as I revel in the sensuality of the life I drain from my victims…I watch as I relinquish my humanity… Something that I must admit, I have wanted for so long…

The visions from my dream still resound in my mind, as I lie in my coffin listening to the irregular beating of my cursed heart. A symphony of senses surrounds me-the calm of the darkness like the gentle lull of chimes; the soft satin lining of my coffin like the melodious call of the syrinx… My mind reads these silent notes, and as though on cue, the screaming scent of amaranths make their presences known-their voices heard. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by images…images of that night in the forest when everything seemed to stop. I feel myself drowning in the eerie fragrance of amaranths, as it pulls me back into that moment…that brief moment when I felt mortal again… I push open the lid of my coffin, desperate to escape the mysterious call of memories.

_I don't want to remember that night…I don't want to relive the fear I felt…_

I gasp for air as my body and mind are thrown back to that evening. I shudder as all the emotions I felt that night return to me. All the sadness of my past revived, but not the memories-like ghosts from my mortal life they bear down on me. I was mortal that night, on those amaranths, when all my weaknesses were thrown open for all the world to see. I allowed myself to be afraid, to feel weak…to lose control…

Shaking my head, I try to drive these thoughts from me. But it is too late…my mind has already begun to play the familiar tune of my mortal song. It was that night in the forest that prompted its composure. It was that night that prompted me to retreat into isolation-my Maker's lexicon was merely an excuse to pursue it. It was the frailties I felt that night- the chorus of this canticle- that had induced such a longing to be alone.

For so long I had thought that I had become more creature than human. I had hoped that this Dark Gift had lent me a skin of decadence; where emotions and humanity would decay and fall way from my now lifeless body. But on that night, it became all too apparent that that was not the case. A part of me is still human-the worst part of all: _my heart._

It is shocking to think that within this immortal body still beats the fragile heart of a human. I spent much of my mortal life trying to destroy that part of me-what my father called my "bleeding heart". I tried to cauterize it with a façade of jadedness-a failed experiment.

Jadedness is an acquired taste, one that my father had taken quite a fancy to. He would use this jadedness to rule my life with an iron fist. There was no aspect of my life that was beyond his grasp-the clothes I wore, the classes I chose, the people I associated with; they were all tailored to his preferences. As a result, my mortal life became imbued with poignancy. I was slowly drowning in sadness and sorrow. I found myself constantly struggling along the surface of my depression in a frantic attempt to stay afloat; but as time passed the effort of the struggle became too great and I started to fall away. I allowed myself to slip below the icy surface of my depression, to sink far enough into it that I stopped caring. Those were the darkest hours of my existence; but only after I arrived in this void did I see the light…it was only then that I realized that the control I longed for could be found in my indifference.

The world around me was beyond my control, but my emotions were all my own. I began to deny myself emotions-I would refuse to allow myself to become angry or to feel sadness. The more I denied myself the stronger I felt. My father's words began to lose their effect-their sting numbed. I realized that a wound that refuses to bleed is nothing more then a scratch-his words could not hurt me if I did not have the capacity to feel. I had stumbled upon a silent method of rebellion; one that not only defied his power over me but also protected me from his incursion. Indifference, in my mind's eye, was synonymous with control.

I became enraptured with the notion of neutrality. To think that indifference could allow one to keep the pains of life at an arm's length, away from its claws of chaos-it was utterly exhilarating! But after my conversion…after I changed, my emotional barricade began to crumble. My immortality had not brought the one trait that I had wanted: insouciance. It was then that I met Severus. His apathy drew me to him. He seemed more immortal then I did-suspended from humanity he was a silent observer. I was fascinated by his mastery of his emotions-he seemed to have a halo of emotional hegemony. I began to idealize him; I modeled my histrionic health after his. Perhaps that is why my guise of impassivity shattered the same eve as his-further proving that we are made of the same metal.

Suddenly, I am drawn out of my soliloquy by a silent pang of hunger. It has been more than a month since I have fed-I had been so intent in my complete isolation that I had forgone drinking my potion. For a fortnight I have felt this esurience; it is a hunger that I have never known. I must see Severus tonight, if I am ever to satisfy this need.

I dangle my slender legs over the edge of my coffin; my toe outstretched as it tentatively touches the cool stone floors. As my foot melts into the gray of the granite, I feel my legs tremble with assiduity. After a month of starvation, my body has finally risen up in protest to my unwavering mind-my body quivers with quakes of rebellion. With ferment steps, I wade through the muted moonlight towards the door, only to find that the assistance of a nearby wall imperative. I feel its cool embrace as I follow it out into the corridors. The walls hold my languid body as I make my way through the winding halls to the dungeons. The candlelight flickers tauntingly as I pass them, as I am unable to extinguish their fiery ebullience.

My mind swoons from the addled nature of hunger. I round a corner to find the stone serpentine stairs of the dungeons coiled before my feet. They twist and turn before vanishing into the sympathetic shadows. I slip into the inky blackness and follow the steps into the belly of school. I am soon greeted by the atramentous presence of Severus' office threshold; my hand tentatively hovers over the dark wood of the door. I feel reluctance hold back my hand, stopping it from striking the dark wood with my pale knuckles, as doubt casts its shadow over my tenebrous mind.

_What will Severus say? I accused him of…something he did not do…something he would never do… What if he cannot forgive me for my insolence?_

_But you must feed. Your body longs for it…your body needs it… _

_A part of you wishes to see Severus again… to make amends…_

---The soft, crisp sound of knocking---

I hear the click of the door and feel my heart quicken its pace. With each minute turn of the doorknob; my heart thrashes more violently in its bony cage. As the door opens, a pale, milky light pours out, covering Severus' form with a soft halo. I see his eyes widen at the sight of me…shock.

"Kaida?" Despite his obvious surprise, he stands aside, wide-eyed but nonetheless courteous. He tilts his head forward in welcome as his left hand gracefully signals for me to enter. With my strength fading, I take a diminutive step over the threshold as I lean on the doorframe. My legs tremble with exhaustion; uncertain of their stability I angle myself onto the wall directly next to the door. I see him catch a glimpse of my mousy movements.

He closes the heavy wooden door, his eyes still upon the floor as he does so. Absentmindedly, I lean to my right, as the door brushes my arm.

_Why does he avert his eyes from me?_

I hear the soft swish of his robes as he turns towards his desk. The room glows with a subtle luminosity; the chartreuse jars behind his desk seem to have captured the candlelight within their glass bodies as they sparkle malignly. The room begins to darken as Severus replaces the tapered, white candles with broad, ebony waxed columns. He lights them with his wand; and soon the room is filled with an unearthly-yet comforting-blue brilliance.

I watch as he carefully pulls out a chair opposite to his, still denying me his gaze, he signals for me to take a seat. Gathering what little strength remains in me I try to take a stride forward, but something holds me back.

_Could my body be immobilized by some subconscious turbulence? Fear? What could possibly be keeping me from approaching him? Does my body sense danger that my mind has yet to understand?_

I see Severus' eyes dart towards me…to see me standing perfectly still, with what must have appeared to be no indication of movement-a defiant stance. I feel the hunger inside me grow, as my limbs weaken-threatening my equilibrium. Suddenly I feel myself slide down the cool stonewall, as the life from my limbs vanish. Unable to support myself, I wait for the gelid granite to grace my cheek.

It is an odd sensation to be completely aware of your surroundings but be unable to respond to it-it seems almost surrealistic. The atmosphere has taken on a dream-like quality, as I watched myself fall forward… I hear Severus' frantic feet pelt the stone floors repeatedly as he runs towards me-they sound so distant and muted. I watch him drop to his knees as he catches me in his arms. My heart flutters slightly against his touch. I wait for that frigid moment to fill my chest like it did the last time he held me in his arms…but the moment does not come; in its place is a feeling of immense warmth-a sensation of sanctuary.

I rest my cheek on his shoulder as my limbs lie dead around me-all these years and only now do I notice their broadness and strength. He cradles me in his arms, holding me tightly as though I would vanish if he were ever to relinquish his grasp. His robes smell of sage and sandalwood-how appropriate that his scent carries the aromas of both wisdom and protection. I feel my torpid body fall farther into the safety of his arms. I feel his heart beat quickly against mine-which seems to have slowed to almost a complete stop.

I turn to face him and with a feeble smile, whisper, "What would I ever do without you, Severus?" He smiles shyly. Suddenly he draws himself away from me-realizing the intimacy of his embrace. He still holds me, but now there is a barrier-an invisible wall of awkwardness. I watch him rise from my lowly roost; the softness of his earlier posture now lost in his stern stance. His eyes dart back and forth, as he searches the room for invisible witnesses. Leaning forward, he offers me his forearm for balance. Straining, I manage to rise to my feet. His eyes flash as he looks past me-towards the door. He reaches for the brass doorknob.

_Does he wish for me to leave?_

Somewhat perplexed, I wait for his invitation to abscond. I turn slightly to make my exit, disheartened by the turn of events.

"Kaida?" His voice trembles.

"Yes, Severus?"

"If you don't mind…" He leans towards me, his cheek brushing mine-color rushing into his pale complexion. I feel his hand snake around me, and with a fluid motion I hear the swish of cloth. He takes a step back and with a timid smile tells me, "Your robe was caught in the door."

_My robe was caught in the door!_ Here I was utterly confounded as to why my body had refused to function in Severus' presence; questioning myself about how I felt about him, if I was still not ready to see him…wondering if I was a fool for thinking that things could be as they were… When all that was amiss was my robe, my robe getting caught in a door! I could just die from both embarrassment at my foolishness and sheer relief!

My lips contort into a sheepish smile as I stifle a laugh; Severus' pursed lips seem to be breaking into a grin. His once somber face has taken on a softer expression-the sharpness of his seriousness smoothed over by what appeared to be a wave of relief. It seems that both of us had expected the very worse to happen tonight-something terrible that would shake our relationship down to its very core. Who would have thought that rather then a grandiose explosion of emotions, we are met with the simple, and rather mundane act of getting one's robe caught in a door? With our serious façades rapidly crumbling, we break into lightened laughter.

I watch my paragon of emotional perfection lose himself in this moment of relief- thoroughly charmed by this rare sight. My silent gaze catches his attention, his laughter stops; his expression hardening-he has reverted to his statuesque persona. Feeling the air become stagnant around us I try to fill the silent void in our conversation. "It's been so long since I've heard you laugh…" The curl of his lips seems to flatten out at my words.

"It has been along time…since I've felt this way…" His voice sounds so weary and tormented. He turns his back to me as he wanders towards the golden glow of the fireplace. Placing his forearm on its stone mantle, he rests his forehead upon his arm-dysphoria hanging heavily around him. The listlessness of his left hand, the gentle curve of his neck as he bows his head…all beckon me to go to him.

"I know that feeling…" Slowly I cross the room, my speed hindered by my weakened limbs.

"Do you?" There is a hint of optimism lingering in his words. He continues to stare into the fireplace-the amber flames dancing wildly on the blackened wood.

"Well I do now…had you asked me two months ago, I would not have been able to even fathom the very idea of it all…"

"Two months ago…" His voice strained as he tries to recall what had changed during that time.

"It's an odd feeling isn't it?" I say softly-vocalizing my thoughts.

"Very…"

"It's so thoroughly terrifying…and yet…wonderful…" His head rises from its locale-a sign that I have struck a cord in him. Silence infiltrates our colloquy, as I pause-dwelling on my words.

_What has always fascinated me was how some people seemed to so effortlessly melt into life-instantly finding their niche amongst the havoc. Those individuals are to me like beautifully colored birds full of life and vitality. I wanted to hold this vivacity in my hands, to feel the energy of its wings beating against my grasp-but then there had always been the fear that I would crush the dear bird in my exuberance._

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Does it frighten you? …No…of course it doesn't…. how silly of me to even ask…" I force a laugh, trying to break the awkwardness of my question.

"It does… It's foreign to me…"

"There are too many feelings; and they are all so complex… I get so confused… I don't know what I want anymore…" Suddenly he turns to face me. His face still somber and serious but now laced with, what almost appears to be, adoration.

"Follow your heart…" He whispers. He looks deeply into my eyes, his face inches from mine, as he cradles it in his hands. I feel his breath upon my face.

"But that is exactly my problem, Severus…my heart cannot be trusted…" He pulls back, suddenly realizing that something was amiss. His hands fall away from me, as his eyes search mine for an answer to his wordless queries-there is a whisper of desperation in his stare. I gaze into the obsidian of his eyes-a quizzical look upon my face.

"Kaida, you must be famished…" He abruptly turns away-derailing our conversation. I feel my stomach tense in response to his words-the subject of our parley fading from memory.

"A tad…" Not wanting to subject Severus to the vulgarity of my hunger, I unembellished my need. My hunger is great tonight…greater then it has ever been. I feel my stomach twist and writhe in pain, as the sedative effects our conversation begin to wear off. I watch anxiously as he removes a small cauldron from the licking flames of the fireplace-a golden goblet in hand. With the cover lifted the room begins to fill with the intoxicating scent of blood.

I watch hungrily as Severus dips the goblet into the onyx ooze. I settle myself into one of the moss-colored cathedras by the fireplace, as he hands me the goblet-my hands trembling with anticipation. The chalice is warm as it quivers in my grasp like a small golden creature waiting fearfully for my coup de grace. I bring its golden rim to my lips, drinking deeply, filling my mouth with liquid ecstasy. The metallic taste of the potion is exquisite-a bittersweet sensuality that sends a wave of pleasure through me.

I drain the chalice; only to find that it has not satisfied me-it has only succeeded in further whetting my appetite. Severus has perched himself in the cathedra next to mine; he appears to be lost in his thoughts-oblivious to my presence. Taking this conversational pause in stride, I help myself to more of this ebony elixir. Within minutes I have reduced the cauldron's contents to nothing…yet I hunger for more…

Not wanting to seem ungrateful to Severus by asking for more, I settle myself back into my cushioned niche. Leaning on the armrest of the chair I try to engage Severus in another conversation-his silence now becoming the subject of my attention. What could he possibly be reflecting on? I find the workings of his mind to be rather intriguing; many see Severus as cold and calculating, but few can see beyond his exterior. There is a spark in Severus-something that makes him more then his façade would have you believe.

"Severus?" I whisper his name softy, not wanting to startle him by my sudden urge to converse.

"What is it, Kaida? Not satisfied with one cauldron are you? You just have to have another one, don't you?" He hisses bitterly.

Taken aback by his sudden outburst, I find myself at a complete loss for words. With my mouth agape, I stare back at him-shock blatantly registered on my face.

"It seems to me that you only come to me when you are in need of your potion… Rarely, if ever, do you approach me for other reasons-unlike with Remus, whom you seem to swarm at every given opportunity! You should be more grateful to the hand that feeds you!"

He has chosen his words well; I feel the strength of their sting upon me. I cannot deny that as of late, I have wanted to spend every waking moment with Remus-craving his company. But Severus is sorely mistaken to think that I am so puerile.

"Is that so, Severus? Is that what you think? That I come to you merely because I am in need of your services?" I try to contain my anger; to maintain my neutral front but the outrage I feel continues to grow. It has reached a fevered pitch-I find myself surrendering to it.

"Did it ever occur to you that I could easily brew this potion myself? That I could be completely self-sufficient and save myself from having to tolerate your animosity?" The roles now reversed, he stares wide-eyed at me-lips pursed as though trying to prevent further absurdities from stumbling forth.

"Did it ever occur to you that I could be using these monthly feedings as an excuse to talk to you? Do you want to know why I only come to you once a month…why I only come to you when it is time for me to feed?" With his mouth slightly open, he nods.

"It is because I don't ever know what to say to you! Despite what you may think, I respect you Severus and I cannot fathom why you would want to waste your valuable time exchanging pleasantries with the likes of me! I choose to return to you every month because…you fascinate me…we are so similar that it frightens me a bit…another reason why I choose to have large intervals between our meetings… " My voice trails a bit, as my mind tries to comprehend the flurry of words that has just spewed forth. I have not only just given into the emotions that I have been denying myself for so long; I have also just bared some of my most intimate thoughts to Severus. I feel my face flush with both embarrassment and anger.

What I have feared has occurred and yet I am none the worse for the wear. On the contrary, I feel a sense of absolution. Not only has this surge of emotional liberation filled me with a sense of release; it has also exposed some of my deepest thoughts and feelings. The 'grandiose explosion of emotions' that we have both been dreading has finally come to pass.

"I had no idea…that…that's how you felt…"

"Well it is… And if you honestly find it such a bother to make my potion and have to deal with me on a monthly basis then I will do it myself." I rise from my seat, and prepare to leave. Severus' accusations have thoroughly irked me-not to mention drain me of my energy.

"No, Kaida…don't go…" He grabs hold of my wrist as I try to thunder past him. "Please stay…I don't know what came over me…I'm sorry…" He looks up at me, his eyes filled with regret.

"Alright…but only for a little while…"

Hours pass, I have drained yet another cauldron of onyx ooze in the wake of our conversation. The subject of which has changed several times over the last few hours, from the newest discoveries in Herbology, to the latest goings-on in Quidditch. We flutter around these topics, careful not to settle on the subject of The Defence Against the Dark Arts-for obvious reasons. He actively avoids discussing the pass as well-for reasons unknown. Our conversation is laboured; Severus seems to either be trying desperately to prolong the life of this dying conversation or he is trying to compensate for his outburst earlier-either way, it is desperate. Despite the forced pleasantries, Severus' attitude has definitely lifted, I dare say, he might actually be enjoying himself. Looking at the time, I realize that the sun will be rising in a matter of minutes.

"Severus? I don't mean to be rude, but the sun will be rising soon…"

"Oh, well, at least allow me the pleasure of escorting you back to your chambers…" His voice has taken on that unnatural timbre again-it is far too sickly sweet.

"As you wish…"

Leaving his office, we walk silently towards the stairway leading out of the dungeons. Unlike the lavishly decorated corridors of the school, the dungeons were drab-a very appropriate location for the Slytherin common room. Looking around, I find the all too familiar stonewall that secretly hid the entrance to the emerald abode of Slytherin. I wait at the base of the dungeon stairs as Severus runs ahead to extinguish the candles on our path.

I move swiftly out of the icy dungeons and into the warmth of the school's main corridors. We walk quickly through the halls-the sky turning a dangerous shade of lilac. Severus has once again tried to initiate another conversation-he is struggling to think of a topic to discuss. He finally settles on the topic of Sirius Black's escape from Azkaban. My attention becomes divided, as we near Remus' office-I had not intended to spend the entire evening with Severus; I had hoped to see Remus tonight. I catch snippets of Severus' comments.

"A natural born killer…was a prat in school…I hope they perform the kiss on him…deserves it…I'd love to be the one to bring him in…"

As we passed Remus' office, a small white card comes fluttering out from under his door. I watch as it slides across the surface of the cool marble floor, halting at my feet. The card glows beautifully in the remaining moments of moonlight. Careful not to crease its soft paper body, I pick up the mysterious little card, Severus stands next to me, craning his neck to see what has been written on the card, all the while commenting on it. ("How childish…passing notes…really!")

The card appears to be a QuikCard, a magical note card that records your words on paper as you dictate them-the same cards I have been using for the last month to leave messages for Remus. In long elegant black letters, the card reads:

* * *

_Dearest Kaida,_

_Tomorrow will be the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year, as I'm sure you already know. I was hoping that perhaps, you would like to join me._

_ Waiting eagerly for your response,_

_ Remus_

* * *

Cradling the card in my hands, I whisper my words to the pallid card. Magically my words appear in thin black letters.

_

* * *

_

_Dearest Remus,_

_I would love to accompany you to Hogsmeade-but I am afraid that simply is not possible. I am terribly sorry…_

_ Apologizing profusely for her response,_

_ Kaida_

* * *

Folding the card over so that Severus cannot read its contents I seal it with a kiss and send it under the door again. Severus eyes the door angrily before finally continuing on his way. I linger by Remus' door, wondering if he would be upset with my response. The seconds stretch on; I can see the sun's glow just beyond the line of trees. Just as I am about to depart, the small pallid card makes its reappearance-it reads:

_

* * *

_

_Dearest Kaida,_

_Apologizes are not necessary. Though I miss your company dearly, it is not appropriate for me to try and force you to visit me. I would much rather you do so by your own will._

_ Patiently waiting for pleasure of your company,_

_ Remus_

* * *

Severus waits impatiently at the corridor's end, indignantly tapping his foot-his arms crossed. Quickly I bring the card to my lips to record my rushed message.

_

* * *

_

_Ever-dearest Remus,_

_Once again you have charmed me thoroughly with your sweet gesture, and once again I find myself unable to deny you my company. I will find you tomorrow night, after the Halloween feast. Until then take comfort in knowing that I too have missed your company._

_ Goodnight,_

_ Kaida._

* * *

I tuck the card under his door, pausing briefly to hear his response through the polished wood of the door. As I rise, I catch the unmistaken sound of his blissful sigh.

* * *

A/N: I hope that you all enjoyed that chapter. I am still searching for my muses and as you know, that greatly hinders my literary proficiency. So I beg of you all to grant me more time. I hope to update within a weeks time or so. Please do not abandon my story-have faith that I will produce something worthy of your praises. As you know, reviews have the ability to light the way-aiding me in my hunt for a muse. So please, review-cast a light in my dreary search...and aid me in my hunt. 

Ninde Annare

P.S. I love recieving emails from my readers; so if any of you have any questions or comments or just want someone to talk to, you are more then welcome to email me.


	19. chapter 19

A/N: Hello Everyone!

Before I continue I just want to quickly say: Thank you all so much! I can't believe I've hit over 200 reviews! I never thought that this could ever happen! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting for so long. I know this chapter is rather short there is a good reason for that. This is actually only a fraction of the original chapter 19. You see, I had a sudden burst of inspiration the other day which sent me writing at a feverish pace. The end result was a rather lengthy chapter (it stands at roughly three-thousand odd-some words, which is quite alot considering that I am not even half way through the chapter itself!). So rather then keep you all waiting for another week or so, I decided to post a piece of it.

Afterall, I did promise to have something up for you all in a weeks time and I do not like to break my promises-especially one that I have made to my faithful readers. So bare with me; I am doing my very to get through this writer's block as quickly as possible. But before we begin, I just want to quickly thank the following people for reviewing chapter 18:

_WotcherTonks:_ First of all, Thank you so much for reviewing! Secondly: Who says that wishes don't come true? I have a very good feeling that Remus and Kaida will eventually get their "moment in the sun" (no pun intended...) Thirdly: You are really too kind! I haven't considered writing anything original...I think it's due to my lack of confidence in my writing abilities. It just seems like such a monstrous task; one that requires more skill with prose then I currently have. But thank you nonetheless, for the kind words of encouragement!

_Chantal J: _Thank you for reviewing! I hope you'll find this update to your liking.

_The Grim:_ I added some romance into this chapter just for you! (well it's not exactly fluff...it's half-fluff...) I do hope you enjoy it! And thank you for reviewing, not to mention giving my literary ego a nice pat on the head:D I really needed that!

_The Parrot has ceased to be: _Goodness! Where to begin? Thanking you seems to be a good start. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'm completely and utterly flattered by your compliments! I never thought I'd see the day when someone would use the word 'talent' in reference to my writing. Thank you for your lovely review!

_lilyfan: _I wish I had a rule like that! It is true that the longer I pour over a chapter the more polished it becomes. I tend to re-write several portions of a chapter until I feel that it flows smoothly...so perhaps they do get better with time...but then again they could also get worse...it's hard to say. I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 18! And I hope that this one (although rather short, like my earlier chapters) will meet your expectations. Thank you again for reviewing chapter 18!

_Neoma: _Now, you raised quite a few good questions in your review(s). I'm just itching to tell you but I'll have to hold off on that. But don't worry, you will get your answers very soon. I've incorporated them into the upcoming chapters. Thank you for not only reviewing chapter 18 but for pointing out my oversight of those details! Oh, and I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 18.

_Riaelfgirl:_ I'm so very glad that you enjoyed chapter 18! And I thank you for continuing to review my little fanfic time and time again! I really do appreciate it!

_Aerlalaith: _I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting and I hope that you will find this chapter (small as it maybe) to be worth the wait. Thank you so much for continuing to review my meager little story.

_uremia: _Welcome to my little story! I'm sorry that you find the pace of this story to be rather slow and the vocabulary to be strenuous. I hope that you can trust me when I tell you that: (1)things will pick up, and (2)I have taken your review to heart. Thank you so much for your review! I hope that you will continue to read and review.

_browneyedgirl2004: _Thank you for the lovely review/compliments! I feel bad posting this 'tiny' little chapter after you have so kindly pointed out that my chapter lengths have been improving... I'll try to make up for it in the upcoming chapters.

_Yavannie:_ As always, you have managed to present me with a review that is not only kind, but also eloqently written! I am absolutely elated that you enjoy the subtle incorporations of PoA. My intention is to write this fanfic in such a way that it has the potential to run seamlessly along with the original works. Thank you again, for continuing to read and review.

_PaarsKonijn:_ Welcome back! I'm always glad to see people return to my story. I hope you'll continue to read and review. And thank you so much for being my 200th reviewer.

_EyesofEmerald:_ Thank you so much for reviewing! And thank you for the compliments! You're always so generous with them! lol!

I can't seem to thank you all enough for your encouragement and continual patronage of my humble little fanfic. I will do my best not to disappoint you! Thank you all again!

Ninde Annare

P.S. This chapter has not been beta-ed so I apologize a head of time for any rough patches you may encounter.

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Chapter 19:

_"Oh Remus! I've waited so long for this…" He smiles lovingly, as he stares deeply into my eyes. _

_"Kaida…my love…" I feel his lips brush briefly across mine-teasing them with their delicate caress. I feel the warmth of his words upon my lips, as he whispers, "Take from me not only my love, but my very being…"With that he deepens his kiss. I melt into his arms, as our souls merge into one._

_I unleash a flurry of amorous advances; kissing…licking…nibbling…a trail of affection from his lips, over the curve of his strong chin, down the soft pale dune of his throat; finally resting over the pulsating ridge of his neck. Carefully I tilt his head to the side. I feel his hands fluttering over my body-a most welcomed sensation that sends quivers of ecstasy down my spine. _

_His pale skin glows with an inner light...with life… I watch as he exposes his neck to me-tempting me with the beauty of his body. Slowly I wrap my lips around the tender flesh of his skin-my fangs sinking into his creamy flesh. My mouth begins to fill with the warmth of his body, the radiance of his soul…it is sweeter then anything I have ever taste. His eyes flutter with pleasure, as a moan escapes from his lips. I feel his body tense beneath mine before going limp-dewy drops of passion embracing his skin. I kiss his neck softly sealing the wound before licking my lips as though to savour his scent as well. His skin is perfumed with the intoxicating scent of mistletoe and jasmine. His scent reveals volumes about his personality-mistletoe is symbolic of protection, hunting and love, whereas, jasmine represents love and prophetic dreams._

_How apropos. I have hunted for the safety of his arms, and the warmth of his love for my whole life. And now like a beautiful dream, we have been brought together. I gaze into his beautiful face; he smiles weakly, his energy spent from our exchange of lusts. Only one thing remains to complete our rites of passion. I run the keen edge of my claw along the base of my neck, allowing my crimson soul to spill forth. I watch as he eagerly presses his lips to my wound. I feel the mounting pressure of pleasure build inside me as he drinks of my being-his kisses running along the ridge of my collarbone. _

_Tangled in the lovers embrace, we revel in the pleasures our blood provides-we are now one; bonded together until the end of time itself. Suddenly a golden glow envelops us in an intense heat-one that even surpasses our passion. I watch as he falls lifelessly out of my arms. My skin burns with an unimaginable pain, but it is nothing compared to the sight of my beloved Remus lying dead at my feet. Tears spill forth as my body becomes ash, to be scattered across the earth, so that even in death I cannot be with my love. With a great effort I curse the sun for denying me my lover's presence, before bursting into ash and flames._

I awake-still reeling from the monstrous images that consumed my slumbering mind. Desperately trying to remember the contents of my dream, I cling to the fragmented visions that have been trapped in the folds of my mind; but like water they slip from my grasp, dissolving into the sea of thoughts that cloud my consciousness. The only remnant of my nightmarish struggle is a vision of the sun transforming my body into ash-a thoroughly frightening thought…and yet…it seems as though there was more, for I do not find death to be at all terrifying. In fact as a mortal, I often prayed for it to come.

My eyes still sting with the desire to sleep; allowing them to close, I begin to slip into that blissful state of half-consciousness. I feel my mind wander deeper into the shadowy forest of my most dreaded dreams. I try to turn back but soon I find myself standing in the twilight of languor and cognizance. But before I can cross this threshold into the slumbering unknown, my reverie comes to a halt as the distant sound of laughter forces its way into my psyche. It pierces the silence that hangs in my crypt, breaking the bonds of torpidity that surround me.

I lift the cover of my coffin a crack, determined to find the source of the offending cachinnation. The laughter is clear and undiluted by the walls of my chambers.

_Could someone have found their way into my abode? Could they be standing over my coffin?_

I push the lid of my coffin to the floor, to find…no one. The laughter continues to filter into the cavern of my chambers-their source hidden from me. I follow them up my stairs; they seem to be radiating from the corridor just beyond my door. Could it be that I am merely detecting the sound of the students' excitement? Never have I heard anything with such clarity-I briefly marvel at the keenest of my hearing, before my attention is drawn back to the forbidden conversation that lies behind the sanctity of my den. With a guilty pleasure I eavesdrop on their blithe conversation-sharing their esprit de corps.

As their conversation progresses I find myself becoming more and more enraptured by their innocence. A longing to join them takes me. A longing to stand amongst them-to be surrounded by the flurry of mortal scents and activities that lie just beyond my door…just beyond my grasp. Suddenly the conversation ends, the group seems to have dispersed from their locale leaving me once again in the eerie silence. With a heavy sigh, I make my way back to the loneliness of my coffin.

The melodious call of a nightingale draws me out of my self-pity and pulls me towards my darkened window. Rarely do I hear the call of birds, for often their songs fall upon my deaf, slumbering ears. Cautiously I draw back the heavy sable drapes that have for so long protected my keep from the deadly rays of the sun; I see the darkened sky. But it is unlike the night sky that I normally gaze upon; it still carries a whisper of dusk. A dark figure crosses the field; it moves slowly…lumbering as though a great weight has been set upon it. I watch as Hagrid moves towards the castle doors, his arms full of elaborately carved pumpkins.

Tonight is Allhallows Eve. Tonight is the Feast of the Dead. Tonight is the night I will return to the mortal world.

In the far corner of my chambers, a large antique wardrobe stands menacingly, its dark wooden doors gleaming with a mischievous glow. A plan begins to unfold in my mind-inspired by the devilish depository.

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that! A bit of a cliffhanger, isn't it? I will try to update before the week's end or at the very latest on Sunday. Please don't be angry with me, and please don't abandon this story. Thank you for reading, and remember: reviews make me happy, and a happy writer tends to be an inspired writer;)

Thank you again,

Ninde Annare


	20. chapter 20

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I'd like to first apologize for the long wait. My computer's functionality had decided to run off with my muses, leaving me not only uninspired but also unable to update. After much poking and proding, I have managed to induce it's cooperation long enough so I can post this chapter.

Now on to the _thank you's:_

_WotcherTonks:_ Thank you so much for reviewing chapter 19. It is true that Severus has feelings for Kaida-for reasons I cannot divulge at this time. But rest assured that you will know soon enough, as the to cause of Severus' infatuation.

_EyesofEmerald:_ Thank you for continuing to review! I'm glad to hear that my story still has the ability to capture your attention; I hope that this chapter will not disappoint you.

_Riaelfgirl:_ Thank you very much! As always, you flatter me with your kind words (words I don't think I really deserve, but nonetheless, thankful to recieve). I hope you find this chapter to be as engaging as the previous one.

_Dark Vampiresss:_ Thank you so much for continuing to read and review. And as always, you are too kind.

_Aerlalaith:_ I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 19, I do apologize for its length, and I hope that this chapter will make up for it. Thank you for continuing to read and review.

_Chantal J:_ Thank you. I hope you enjoy chapter 20!

_The Parrot has ceased to be: _I'm sorry about the length of chapter 19. It was rather short, I suppose I am reverting to my original style of short chapters. Not to worry though, chapter 20 is a tad longer, which I hope you will find to be satisfactory. Thank you for reviewing!

_Titou Moony :-P: _Thank you and Welcome back! I'm elated that you are enjoying the story! I hope you continue to read and review my little story!

_lilyfan:_ Thank you for reviewing. I believe this chapter will answer your question regarding Kaida's vampiric state! I hope you enjoy it and that you will continue your patronage of my story.

_The Grim: _Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed that little splash of "semi-fluff". You are always so generous with your compliments and kind words that it was the least I could do to add that little dream. Thank you again! And I hope you will continue to read and review.

_Yavannie: _As usual, you have submitted to me a most eloquent and beautifully written review. You have a wonderful way with words, an inspired play with prose; perhaps someday (soon?) you will grace us all with a story. Thank you for continuing to read and review my meager story.

_Neoma: _Welcome back! And there is really no need to apologize. Terribly sorry that I could not answer your questions-know that the answer is coming up (not in this chapter persay...but very soon). I hope you enjoy this chapter and that you will continue to read and review.

_esta-gr: _Thank you for reviewing and welcome back!

Now a quick note before we get on with the story, as you know I have broken up Allhallow's Eve into several pieces. This is just one piece of the of the evening. I had wanted to post it all at once but that would have kept you all waiting a ridiculously long period of time. The chapter as of this very moment, is far from complete, so please understand that it will take me some time to finish it off (especially with such a temperamental computer at my disposal). Thank you all for reading and reviewing!

Ninde Annare

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Chapter 20:

I make my way to the door of my chambers, listening attentively for the sound of feet. Satisfied that the hall was devoid of witnesses, I slip out silently. I move swiftly through the halls with a speed unknown to mortals. Within moments I find myself at the base of the dungeon stairs. Dressed in black satin, I melt into the shadows, where I wait quietly for my prey. A young girl approaches; she looks up and down the dungeon corridor before whispering the password to the dead ears of the wall.

_Silly child! You fear that your password will fall into the wrong hands, when really you should fear falling into mine!_

_How fortunate for you that I have not marked you as my prey…_

I watch as the damp stonewall that once stood so blankly before me, slide open, revealing its emerald-colored depths. I follow her into the secret abode. A familiarity washes over me-for seven years this was my home. I watch as the girl makes her way to the dormitories-she appears to be the only one here. I follow her, careful to remain within the safety of the umbrage of the darkened walls. She appears to be trying to hide something. The small vial of Bulbotuber pus in her hands does not escape my eyes. I watch as it disappears into the folds of her black school robes-she laughs maliciously, whispering to herself, "This'll teach that filthy mudblood!" She rushes past me, a look of impishness upon her face. I see that after all these years; things have not changed in the slightest. But I am not here to hand out judgments; there is something I require.

At the foot of a nearby bed lies a battered trunk-my quarry. I run my hand along it's worn edges, tracing the intricate metalwork with my fingers-this is no ordinary trunk. Dark green dragon's hide has been stretched across its wooden body; the corners cradle nests of pewter snakes…a status symbol in the guise of a trunk. This overly ornate trunk only serves to further prove that in this house power, prestige and lineage are everything.

I lift its densely ornate lid to find echelons of finery; lined neatly, ready to defend the social standing of their mistress. The trunk is filled to the brim with row upon row of heavy satin robes that eclipse all others, silk ties of silver and emerald as smooth and sleek as any serpent, cashmere sweaters so soft that they shame clouds…such fineries for a child! There are quite easily enough sets of clothes so that the fortunate owner need not don the same set more then once. I gently lift a set of clothes out of its luxurious cradle to reveal a cache of literature. Beneath this menagerie of elegance is a foundation of books-though the owner of this chest of treasures may be dressed well it appears that their mind may be lacking, as these books are brand new, their spines still stiff from lack of use.

The trunk shudders violently. I seem to have disturbed something. A handsome beryl book bound by, what appears to be, a belt convulses angrily against its bonds. With a firm grasp, I take hold of the book-my fingers running gingerly down its spine. It quivers briefly and then ceases to move. I remove its leather manacle; it falls open obediently. It lies dead in my hands; its pages have fallen open to a chapter discussing Vampires. I read the first line and find myself stifling a mirthless laugh.

_Vampires, also known as Vampyre, are beastly creatures that only mildly resemble humans. They are hideous creatures that feed on the blood of humans. They only hunt during the night, as sunlight will destroy them (vampires can also be vanquished by driving a wooden stake through their hearts). Garlic has been known to repel them, as will religious symbols…_

_(It continues for several more pages)._

Adelais was by no means mistaken; the Magical world, after all this time, still know nothing about my kind. Mildly amused by the book's content I turn to the cover. The title reads: The Monster Book of Monsters. A monster, am I? How droll. I set aside the little book, making a mental note to read it once I have accomplished my goal.

I remove my habitual attire of ebony, as I don the cloth treasures I have unearthed. The fabric caresses my curves, flattering them with their beautifully cut forms. Looking at the silver serpent that graces my left breast, I am filled with euphoria. The clothes fit wonderfully, despite the shortness of the skirt. I turn to face a standing mirror, frowning at the length of the skirt, I pull irritably at its hem-willing it to lengthen. My scrutinizing eyes are drawn away from the length of my skirt to my face.

Contrary to the common creed of superstition dictated by most wizard literature (The Monster Book of Monsters being no exception) we vampires do have reflections. It was once thought that mirrors reflected the image of those that bore souls. And according to popular belief, vampires are devoid of such things and would thus, also be devoid of a reflection. Preposterous, really, for even inanimate objects have reflections-and I for one, refuse to believe that a bureau has more of a soul then I do!

I study my reflection; finding its enigmatic appearance to be rather unnerving. Staring back from the silvery abyss of the mirror is a raven-haired seductress, whose eyes burn with a lust I have never known. I cannot deny that it casts a bewitching luster upon my eyes-giving them a power that innocence could not…a villainous charisma.

Scanning my reflection, I search for some part of my appearance that maintains the innocence it once knew…an innocence that has evanesced from my eyes. My body is pale and slender…as it has always been…nothing seems to be amiss…and yet…there is an air that surrounds my body…an alluring shroud…one that has the potential to ensnare the senses and fog the mind. I am in awe as to what the Dark Gift has bestowed upon my body, gifts given so gradually and in such small portions, that I had not noticed the transformation at all.

_Had my hair always shone with such a radiant blue light?_

_Had my skin always glowed with such a pallid luminosity?_

_Had my eyes always sparkled with so much passion?_

Instinctively, I touch my face as though to make certain that it is not an extension of my reveries. I am shocked to find that it is velvety smooth, completely devoid of all blemishes. I search my reflection for a sign of imperfection. The years have smoothed over my mortal flaws to produce something so beautiful that it is horrid to look upon. I have begun to lose my mortal luster-the radiance that comes with imperfection.

The last remnants of my mortality are slipping away…the calluses that once marred my hands have disappeared…what few wrinkles that gathered around my mouth and eyes have vanished…the memories of my mortal life rapidly evaporating. It was these physical flaws that kept my mortal song alive.

Each callus upon my hand was an epitaph of the trials and tribulations I had to endure as a mortal, each wrinkle around my mouth and eyes, ghosts of smiles and laughter that have long been lost. These mortal souvenirs have started to fade from me, in its place stand tokens of the Dark Gift. I've started to look more and more like an animated statue-cold, lifeless and grotesque. Malevolence has started to settle into the curves of my face-covering me like a dark mist would cover a vampiric Venus.

_What had I hoped to accomplish by donning this disguise? Had I truly wanted to attend to the Halloween Feast incognito or had I hoped to induce the return of my lost innocence?_

Looking at my reflection I am disgusted by my appearance-a vampiress in the guise of a Lolita. But before I can remove my borrowed skin of youth, I hear the familiar scrapping of stone upon stone. I grab the monstrous book that lay at my feet before rushing out of the dormitory-my satin robe tucked under my adopted veil. I settle myself onto a couch in the common room, desperately trying to look nonchalant. A group of girls enter, their giggles loud and boisterous.

"Oh Pansy! Draco will love those!"

"I just had to get these for him…the poor thing. His arm still hurts! I really hope that oaf, Hagrid, gets sacked for what he did to Draco!" A sinister smile flickered across her face at the very mention of Hagrid's possible removal.

Realizing that my rigid posture looked rather staged, I stretch out on the sofa, casually flipping through the pages, trying to create a look of relaxed boredom. The girls have obviously noticed me, as their conversation has suddenly come to a halt. A girl (I believe they called her Pansy) approaches, eyeing me suspiciously.

"And who are you?!" I am taken aback by the rudeness and defiance of her tone and quickly remember that manners are few and rare in the house of Slytherin. After a few moments of quiet shock, I find myself equalizing to the boorish atmosphere. She grows impatient with my slow response, and with one fluid motion she snatches the book from my grasp, tossing it across the room. The green lexicon hits the cold stone with a loud thud before scuttling off into the shadows. Rising to her animosity, as well as my full height, I stare challengingly into her eyes.

"Obviously, someone who doesn't like your tone." I hiss dangerously. Pansy's head barely grazes the bottom of my chin; I watch as she begins to shrink back, realizing the mistake she has just made. Typical Slytherin: all talk and no action.

She looks up at me and begins to tremble ever so slightly. I continue to hold my gaze, making certain that she understands her place. With quivering steps, she backs away as she signals for her bulky attaché to step forth…to defend her. The large girl does not move. Through gritted teeth she hisses, "Millicent get over here!" Another typical Slytherin tactic: why do the dirty work yourself when you can get someone else to do it for you?

A wickedness takes hold of me; leaning over the girl's trembling form I whisper to her, "I don't think Millicent will be able to help you this time…" A cruel curl forms upon my lips, as my cool breath brushes her tentative ear-her body goes rigid in response. The fire in her eyes that only moments ago, burned with a born supremacy now flickers in the wake of foreboding winds. She is frightened of me…and so she should be….

Her earlier display of malice has revived my Sixth Slytherin Sense. This sixth sense is one that all Slytherins will acquire before leaving Hogwarts. It is this sense that maintains order in this collection of the powerfully privileged; once again asserting that dominance means everything to a Slytherin. What exactly is this Sixth Slytherin Sense? It is the awareness of weakness. You must learn to find the frailties in others and to use it to your advantage.

At first glance, one often finds this hierarchy to be rather-for a lack of better words-primal and cruel, but in actuality it is the great equalizer amongst us. With this sixth sense those who enter this pit of treacherous snakes lacking the benefits of opulence can still survive by gaining respect through their sheer ballsiness. In the house of Slytherin, respect and fear are synonymous. _Strike fear in your rivals and they will have no choice but to respect you_-this girl will be no different.

Perhaps that is why she trembles…she knows what is to come if she refuses to bow down to my will…what her stubbornness will cost her…

She stares back at me with a look of would-be belligerence-a desperate attempt to save face. "If you think that you can scare me…" Her voice fails her as I move in, slicing the space between us from feet into mere inches.

"Oh, I don't think I can scare you…I know I can…" To prove my point I slowly wrap my hand around her throat-my frozen fingertips brushing lightly along her skin. My hold is gentle like an icy caress. I feel her swallow hard, as tears of fear begin to gather in her eyes. She breaks her stare briefly to cast her eyes upon her comrades-begging them for assistance. They look on with disinterest. Her friends have abandoned her, leaving her to her fate.

Waves of guilt and pity wash over me as one of her fear-filled tears roll down her hardened face-humiliation settling around her at her friends' betrayal. I release my grasp, but not before I can whisper to her a warning, "Listen well. I am feeling unusually forgiving tonight-which is very lucky for you…I don't think I need to tell you why… But for future reference, you would do well to keep a civil tongue in that head of yours when addressing me." I pull back from her ear, letting my words resound for a moment, before telling her in a hushed voice, "You should also consider acquiring a new entourage before you cross me again-maybe one that's a bit more willing to put up a fight. I like the challenge." With that said, I push past her, easily breaking through the wall of girls as I make my exit.

I hear their whispers as the stonewall folds back to its original position. "Who was that? Did you see what she was wearing? She must be from a really good family…Parkinson just had to blow everything…" They're far more concerned with my appearance and lineage then they are about their supposed friend's welfare. Mentally shaking my head in disgust I make my way out of the dungeons.

I addle through the well-lit corridors, my eyes stinging from the brightness of the lights- a pain I am willing to endure in exchange for this wave of euphoria. The halls are crowded with students bustling to and fro. I bask in the glow of their vivacity…their lively warmth, as I watch them with fascination. Many of them have just returned from Hogsmeade; they carry with them the scent of autumn, their cheeks are rosy from the biting fall breeze.

I feel my head swoon from the number of sights and sounds; I am surrounded by a bazaar of sensations. They are so happy…their conversations so joyous… I indulge in their blissfully carefree parleys-devouring what little fragments of them I manage to catch.

"Did you know that Alicia's got a new boyfriend? I saw them together at Hogsmeade!"

"I hope I got enough of these Ice Mice to last me until the next Hogsmeade weekend…"

"Did you see the Shrieking Shack? I'd hate to be there tonight!"

"I can't wait for the feast to start. I'm starving!"

Everything around me seems to pulsate with warmth and beauty-there is a splendor in the ordinary, a loveliness in the common. I stand in the center of this inferno of humanity, my senses drinking in the liveliness of the flames. These mortals dance around me with such vehemence that I cannot tear my gaze from them. They radiate with life, filling this often dead and lonely corridor with a brilliance that has melted my icy shell of immortality.

As I walk down the crowded corridor-gently brushing against the warm bodies I pass-I savor the sensation of anonymousness. Amongst this sea of students, I am no more then another black wave of cloth-a wraith amongst the shadows. The bodies that surround me are oblivious to my presence-too engrossed in their own worlds to even look upon me. I am free to silently observe them.

My eyes flutter felicitously around me, as I desperately try to absorb the wonderments that surround me. It is odd…I have been down this corridor countless times, and yet…now that is has been filled with life it appears alien to me; as though I am seeing it all for the first time. My gaze is suddenly drawn to one body, to one face-their piercing gray eyes drawing me in.

He stands betwixt two others-his lean frame belittled by the sheer bulk of his companions. Had I not known better, I would have sworn that he too cared the Dark Gift. He is pale, very pale not unlike myself but his skin does not glow with the immortal light like mine, it glows with the dulled embers of mortality. He has a rather attractive face, one that has been marred by life. Unlike his peers, he has already lost his innocent sheen-stolen from him before his time. As I survey him, I notice that he does not turn his eyes from me when I return his gaze; he merely looks upon me with greater interest.

_A most interesting morsel. _

I study him from afar, taking in his features one by one. There is something to this boy…something unsettling.

No longer satisfied by an exchange of glances from afar, he begins to break through the sea of bodies; making his way towards me. He flashes me a rather mischievous smile, I am intrigued by his audacity, and return the gesture. But before we can exchange words a body intercepts him.

Pansy Parkinson, so we meet again.

"Draco! We have to talk…" She grabs hold of his pale hands and proceeds to drag the young man away-his boulder-like attendants following sooth. I watch as he struggles against her grasp, as he tries to pull himself from the whirlpool that is Pansy Parkinson. No longer amused by the tussling pair, I turn my attention to my surroundings.

I had become so beguiled by the mysterious boy that I had not noticed that the corridor was rapidly emptying. I soon find myself being pulled into the direction of the Great Hall by a current of students.

As we approach the Great Hall, we are met by another stream of students. This narrow corridor seems to have shrunk by tenfold as the other body of scholars try to push themselves into the fray. House Prefects dodge in and out of the mass of bodies trying desperately to enforce order.

The close proximity of the rivaling houses mixed with the excitement of Allhallows Eve seem to have thrown the students into fits of daring, as a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff break into a scuffle.

"Not so pretty now are you, Mudblood? Maybe that'll teach you not to mess with Slytherin!" The sound of glass shattering against the marble floors echo through the halls, as silence falls over the masses-a muffled sob fills the void.

The House Prefects manage to push through the crowd. One of them gasps in horror before calling out to a house member, "Robertson! Call Madame Pomfrey! Quickly!" With that said she turns her attention to the Hufflepuff girl, who is in hysterics. Despite her loud moans and sobbing, I manage to make out the Prefect's whispered words, "Don't worry, I'm sure Madame Pomfrey will be able to reverse the effects of the Bulbotuber Pus…No, don't touch your face, the boils will burst…" The sound of feet pounding onto the stone floors echoes through the silence as Madame Pomfrey finds her way through the crowd.

The students around me rush to see the poor girl's disfigured face as she and Madame Pomfrey make their way out of the corridor. The atmosphere takes a definite turn for the worse as the students revert back to their boisterous selves- pushing their way through the dense crowd trying to find their respective cliques. Breaking free from the flow of activity, I push through the crowd towards the safety of the walls.

As I wade through the tide of student bodies, I see-through the corner of my eye- the young man that had caught my attention earlier. He weaves in and out through the mass of people, his bandaged arm pressed tightly to his chest. I try to push on, but find myself boxed between two monstrous young men, their arms barring me from changing directions. The corridor continues to empty around me until, only five people remain: Pansy Parkinson, the mysterious blond boy, his two attachés and myself. Sinister smiles play upon their lips as they corner me.

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that chapter. It is a bit of a cliffhanger isn't it? I hope you will all take a brief moment to review, as I am in desperate need to encouragement and inspiration. I will do my very best to add new chapter as soon as possible. Please be patient; I hope to have another chapter posted within roughly a week's time. Thank you for reading!

Ninde Annare

P.S. If you have any questions, comments/suggestions or if you just want to talk, feel free to email me.


	21. chapter 21

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I just want to quickly thank everyone who reviewed chapter 20! All those lovely reviews were just what I needed to get going on this chapter!

_Chantal J: _Thank you so much for the lovely compliment:) I hope you find this chapter to your liking. Thank you for always reviewing; I really do appreciate it.

_The Grim: _Thanks so much for reviewing! And not to worry, Kaida is not the type to go down without a fight;)

_Starcatcher-Girl: _First of all, Welcome to my little story! I'm always glad to see new readers. Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you'll continue to do so.

_WotcherTonks:_ Thank you for continuing to be such a faithful reviewer! I don't think I can put into words how much you all mean to me. I thank you for all the kind comments and compliments. I hope that you will continue to read and review! (oh! And not to worry, there will be a Remus/Kaida scene coming up...not in this chapter...but soon!)

_richellebelle10:_ Another new reader! Welcome! Welcome to my little story! Pull up a chair! I just want to thank you for reviewing and thank you for the lovely compliments! I hope you will continue to read and review! I love hearing from my readers.

_jojo: _Hello jojo! Welcome to my little story! I'm glad to have you aboard! Thank you for reviewing! I hope you will continue to do so; I look forward to your comments on this chapter and subsequent ones:)

_pirate grlEe: _Welcome to my story, pirate grlEe! Thank you so much for the lovely review and the generous compliments! I hope you'll continue to read and review.

_Neoma:_ I am honored that you think so highly of me! If anything I should be asking YOU for lessons! You are a marvelous writer, so full of talent and passion; it's truly inspiring! I doubt I have the talent (much less the stamina) to write an entire book...you on the other hand, look destined to.

_Titou Moony ;-P: _Thank you for reviewing! I hope I managed to clear up some of your confusion. Terribly sorry about the poor translations of those emails...I unforetunately do not speak the romantic language of french...sigh if only I did! Anyways, thank you again for continuing to read and review!

_Countess Vladislaus Dragu: _Welcome, Countess, to my meager story! I hope you will find it to your liking! Thank you so very much for reviewing! I hope you will continue to do so.

_The Parrot has ceased to be: _As usual, you are correct; the Slytherin who doused Bulbotuber Pus on the Hufflepuff was not Pansy. I am sorry about the cliffhangers...the chapter has gotten so long that the only places that seem to be appropriate chapter endings are cliffies. Terribly sorry! I will try to refrain from doing so in the future (no promises though) :P Thank you for reviewing! I hope you'll continue to do so:)

_Dark Vampiress: _Thank you! I was hoping you would all notice that. I am doing my best to write this fanfic so that it runs along the original story; crossing in places to create an air of possibility...that perhaps Kaida did exist and that Rowling simply forgot to mention her;) Here's hoping that I will be able to pull it off! Again, thank you! Hope you will continue to read and review:)

_EyesofEmerald: _I am always flattered when gifted writers (such as yourself) take time out of their busy schedules to read and review my pitiful little chapters! Thank you! Thank you for everything!

_Aerlalaith: _There is really no need to apologize. The fact that you are taking the time to read my story and review is more then enough for me...if anything I should thank you for doing so! Thank you! Thank you! I hope you mean 'strange' in a good way....I know it is odd to see Kaida this way. But that is somewhat my intention. I wanted to show a different side of Kaida, the side that allowed her to survive in Slytherin. I wanted to give her a bit more dimension as a character. Anyways, I'm rambling....Thank you for reviewing! I hope you'll continue to do so!

_dragonsgrl (lilyfan): _I love your new pen name! And thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you will continue to read and review!

Thank you one and all for reading, and for patiently waiting for this chapter! I hope that you will find that it was well worth the wait. Now with out further ado, Chapter 21.

Thank you all again!

Ninde Annare

P.S. A note to my silent readers: Please, if you are enjoying this story, review. I would love to hear from you; whether it be good or bad. Thank you.

* * *

Chapter 21:

They circle me; their eyes starved of sympathy. I stand before them, out numbered but not out witted. I know this game. I've played it before. This is a game of retribution, my cries of defeat: their prize.

This game is simple in its rules, the true challenge comes in their application-it is all in the execution. A simple slip of the tongue can cost you dearly; for in this game we are only as strong as our words. It is the verbal equivalent of chess; we battle with our words until our opponents are reduced to little more than emotional masses. Rarely is this game fought alone, as that goes against a Slytherin's nature-this game embodies the essence of my house.

This game calls upon all the virtues prized by Slytherins: a strategical mind, a strong character, and most importantly, a cold heart. This game is not to be taken personally; it is a game of restraint and patience. It requires the participants to maintain composure-to resist the allure of striking back. It is when one player gives into their instincts that the game is lost-it is when one player falls victim to their emotions that they fall.

I must admit that this game is one that I thoroughly enjoy. The exchange of words, the slinging of insults, the witty banter-this game brings out the best, as well as the worse in people. I enjoy seeing people at their most base moments, to see them before me as emotions tear through their body. I find it all so…_Invigorating_!

Emotions are so foreign to me. To be able to examine them displayed before me in their purest form is amazing. Perhaps it is a need to live vicariously through them…to be able to surrender to emotions… Whatever the reason, I find the stimulation to be wondrous.

I can feel my heart quicken with anticipation. I wait eagerly for it to begin-for the emotions to spill forth…for the chaos to ensue.

Parkinson makes the first move. She breaks the curvy path of intimidation to stand in front of me. Her lips curl into a wide smile, as smugness engulfs her once fearful eyes. "Fancy meeting you here!" Her voice reeks with mock-surprise.

"Indeed…though I doubt you would have had it any other way." I tilt my head in the direction of the two large boys to her left.

"Oh yes, how rude of me! Allow me to introduce to you my 'entourage', Crabbe and Goyle." Like trained dogs the boys step forward at the utterance of their names. "Come, come, boys! You mustn't be rude; shake the young lady's hand." Her smile widens to expose her canine teeth-an evil radiance playing upon them, as she leans over to whisper into my ear, "Enough of a challenge for you?! What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

Feigning a yawn, I bring my hand to my mouth-she winces at the sight of it. I can see the anger begin to build inside her. She glares angrily at me for inducing that momentary lapse of confidence in her-for striking the first blow. She signals for Goyle to step forth.

Obediently, Goyle extends his hand, a sneer upon his sullen face. I place my hand in his; I feel him quiver in the shadow of my icy claw. I stare up into his face as his massive hand clamps down onto mine. I feel the immense pressure of his grip as he embosses his callused hand upon my pale skin-as he tries to squeeze what little life remains in my manus. Had I mortal hands they would have surely been reduced to little more then a pile of flesh and dusted bones. Fortunately, within the porcelain finish of my hand beats a heart of steel.

With a look of eerie calm upon my face, I return the gesture. I begin to bring my fingers in, as I wrap my hand around his. I feel him struggling against the bonds of my hand; but like a snake with its prey ensnared in its coils, I have no intention of letting go. As I said earlier this is a game of intimidation, not one of mutilation; I have no intention to harm Goyle, I merely want him realize that in this game his brute strength is no longer an asset.

I watch as the sneer upon his face melts into a look of utter bewilderment. I smile pleasantly at him, as though it were quite common for one to triturate the hand of an acquaintance. Finally, his hand grows still as he is thrown into a stupor. In response to his surrender, I release him from my grasp. Pulling his now unfettered hand to his chest, he stumbles back-a look of fear and confusion upon his face. The corner of his left eye twitches with what I can only assume is nervousness.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance." I continue to hold his gaze with my own, thoroughly enjoying the effect of my smile upon his shocked face. He opens his mouth in response but no words escape his lips. The first pawn has fallen.

I turn to face Crabbe; my hand extended, all the while smiling sweetly. A look of panic washes over his pudgy face as I move towards him. His beady eyes dart to his broken comrade, as he continues to back away from my awaiting hand. Pansy grabs hold of his collar, twisting it in her fist as she pulls him down to her height. "What are you doing?!" She hisses threateningly. Like Goyle, Crabbe appears to have lost his ability to speak as he feebly shakes his head.

"Perhaps he's just shy…"

With an icy glare she hisses, "Perhaps…" Desperately trying to maintain her composure she releases Crabbe. Dumbfounded, Crabbe retreats to the flank of their cortege- trembling in the wake of my smile. And yet another pawn has been overcome.

"I see you haven't learned a thing from our last encounter…" I say with a sigh, my voice heavy with ersatz concern. With her confident exterior rapidly crumbling at the loss of her myrmidons, I fear that this game has grown stale. There really is no point in dragging it out. I take another blow at her decaying façade of aplomb, hoping to perhaps induce a final struggle from her, "Dull-witted girl, aren't you?" She glares at me, but continues to say nothing. Somewhat disheartened by her sudden loss of insolence, I take my coup de grace. I only need her to lose control, for her to give into her base instincts. I have no intention in harming her physically; I merely want to bruise her ego-I only want to prove my point. With that, I move towards her, as I tell her in a hushed voice, "Perhaps I should refresh your memory…"

She flinches at the sound of my steps; I hear her whimper softly as I close in on her now trembling form. "Do you know who I am?!" She splutters, as though her identity could keep me at bay.

"Should I care?"

"I'm Pansy Parkinson! Daughter of Adrian Parkinson and Jesimae LaRouse." She brandishes her pedigree, hoping perhaps to subdue me with her family's social status. I look at her with disinterest. In desperation she grabs hold of the blond boy; pulling him to her side, "And this is Draco Malfoy! That's right! Malfoy! Lucious Malfoy's son! Not so cocky now are we?! Scared, are you?!"

"Hardly. It seems to me that you don't understand the full implications of the events you have set into motion. You've crossed me for a second time this evening-despite my warnings…" I pause in mock-bemusement, "Perhaps I should speak more slowly...."

Parkinson is beside herself with rage, forgetting her fear she screeches, "How dare you! I've never been so…"

Growing weary of this venture, I try to bring it to a swift close, "Inane? Yes, I was rather surprised as well. To think that someone of your…_intelligence_, could ever manage to worm your way into Slytherin; it's mind boggling…"

"Are you implying that I am stupid?"

"Very good. Now that we're on the same page, perhaps you'll be able to take part in this conversation. I've been getting rather tired of carrying it all on my own…"

Her face burns with an angry blush as her mind works frantically to think of a response, "You think you're so smart! But you're not! You're just…" Her eyes dart from one face to the next; searching for inspiration-for an invisible implement of insult. Moments pass, with her slow wit becoming more obvious with each passing second, she takes a desperate strike, "...just…a bully!"

I am caught completely off guard by her rather ironic insult and for a moment I am at a loss. Quickly regaining my composure, I scramble to make up for lost ground, "I did not realize that quietly conversing was considered bullying. Did I scare you? For that was not my intent…"

"You didn't scare me!" She catches the folly of her words, seconds after almost uttering her surrender-of admitting that for a moment she had been frightened.

"Then what exactly have I done to warrant such a harsh accusation?" She stands before me, limbs trembling with anger. She opens her mouth to utter another insult but no words manage escape her lips. She stands positively convulsing with anger, her mouth agape, flushed with rage, completely flustered. The queen has fallen.

Malfoy, who has done nothing to stop my onslaught of his comrades, steps forward. Shaking his head with what appears to be disgust, he ushers his underlings away, "Pansy why don't you just go to the feast? Crabbe! Goyle! Go with her." He flashes me a vexing smile, "I'll take care of this personally."

He watches Pansy slink away, Crabbe and Goyle by her side; they soon disappear from view-swallowed up by the monstrous doors of the Great Hall. Malfoy turns to face me. I can feel his translucent gray eyes wash over my body-I shudder as I watch them move over me with an icy fluidity. Thoroughly disenchanted by his stare, I pull the front of my robes shut, denying his feasting eyes the glow of my skin. There is definitely something about this boy…something very unsettling… But I refuse to fall prey to the likes of this dark child. I cast a disinterested eye upon him; much to my surprise, he greets it with a sweeping bow.

"Draco Malfoy, at your service. And your name would be?" His voice is still young and fine. It carries beautifully through the empty halls-hanging in the air like the reverberations of a bell. But there is a coolness to his words; a detachment…it sends shivers down my spine…it ensnares my curiosity… Feeling my guard slip from me, I pull myself back into the game-I will not be made a fool by a child!

"Let's cut through the pleasantries Malfoy. I do have a feast to get to." I try to fill my words with the same numbness as his; making certain that he understands where I stand.

"All business aren't we? Well, if you insist; let's get on with it." That same vexing smile still plays upon his pale mouth. His smile is as enigmatic as his tone-though his lips curl in the same manner as most mortals' do when they smile, his lips seem to be lined with a villainous grace…a framework of wickedness. His eyes roam over my face, stalling at each of my unnatural features. His gaze soon falls upon my lips. He stares hungrily at them, as he licks his own. I feel the corner of my mouth recoil from his gaze, causing it to contort into an unintentional sneer. The welcoming allure of my face quickly melts away in the wake of my disgust. "Now, I'll be perfectly honest with you, I have no interest in 'fighting' for Parkinson's honor. The whole affair does not concern me; and I really do not see any point in pursuing the matter…however, for the purpose to maintaining allies I believe I will have to do something…" He grabs hold of my collar and pulls me towards him. "That is, unless you have something better to offer me… You know I would make a wonderful _friend…_" I mentally shudder at his words; my body, however, still remains relaxed and unscathed by his proposal. His face is mere inches from mine but I refuse to surrender to him.

Grabbing hold of his wrist, I pull his pale hand from the ebony of my robes. I cannot let the disgust I feel bubble over into my words-I must maintain a veneer of indifference or lose the game. His words are meant to distract me from my goal, to unnerve me…but two can play at this game. Pulling him forward, I whisper into his ear, "Though I do keep my friends close…I keep my enemies even closer…" With that said, I allow my body to brush briefly against his. I hear a moan catch in his throat as he quivers with arousal. The king has fallen.

Pushing him from me, I make my way towards the doors of the Great Hall. The look of confusion that momentarily rendered him speechless gives way to an intrigued smile. Turning back, I make certain that he understands his loss, "Oh and Malfoy, you should know that if another part of your anatomy should ever touch me again, I will have little recourse but to rip it from you."

"But of course. Until we meet again, my Shadow Lady."

* * *

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that! I will update as soon as I am done writing chapter 22; so please be patient. For all my wonderful readers who have cannot put me on their author's alert list, if you would like to email me your email address I will be more then happy to email you the next time I update. Thank you again for reading! Now if you would be so kind as to click the review button I would be most thankful!

Ninde Annare


	22. chapter 22

A/N: Hello Everyone!

A thousand apologies for not updating sooner. This chapter proved to be more mentally taxing then I originally thought it would be. This coupled with a tempermental computer is why this chapter has taken so long to get up. I am terribly sorry about the wait and hope that you are not upset with me as a result.

Now onto the _Thank You's:_

_pirate grlEe_: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 21. I hope you find that chapter 22 was worth the wait.

_Countess Vladislaus Dragu_: Thank you for reviewing chapter 21! I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, I hope that you'll continue to read an review despite my computer's tantrums.

_esta-gr_: Thank you for reviewing! It's true that a different side of Kaida is revealed in chapter 21. I wanted to show the side of her that helped her survive in Slytherin...what she had to become... I also wanted to show that, like Kaida, there's more to Slytherin then meets the eye.

_This Parrot has ceased to be_: Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 21; I was rather uncertain about its compostion. I hope you'll find chapter 22 to be as engaging as its predecessors. Once again, thank you for continuing to read and review.

_Neoma: _Thank you for always reviewing and for always knowing what to say to give my ego a bit of a boost. This chapter was written mainly to answer your questions-and hopefully entertain you as well. Thanks again for reviewing chapter 21.

_wotchertonks: _I'm so very glad that you so throughly enjoyed chapter 21! It is funny how Pansy and Draco tend to lose their nerve when their on their own, isn't it? Thanks again for reviewing!

_Lillei_: Welcome back! I hope you had a lovely time on holiday! There's really no need to apologize; I'm honored that you have continued to return to my story time and time again. Thank you, I truly appreciate the time you've taken to read and review my story.

_BlackKat99_: Welcome back! I've missed your comments terribly. You are one of the most gifted writers have I had the pleasure of recieving comments from-that is why I value them greatly. And it is not out of kindness that I review your stories, it is because they are wonderful! And you are very talented. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

_dragonsgrl:_ There's nothing wrong with being a tad cold-hearted;) Thank you for reviewing!

_Titou Moony:-p_:Thank you for reviewing! And you're very welcome; it was my pleasure to explain. I promise that there will be a Kaida/Remus scene coming up;) Thank you again!

_KaliedescopeCat_: Thank you for reviewing and for pointing out those literary errors. Terribly sorry about all that. And I am very flattered by your kind words. Praises from Ceasar! Thank you!

_The Grim_: Thank you for reviewing! I know Draco's appearence is not welcomed but you must admit that it does add a bit to the story. The potential for mayhem is rather intriguing don't you think? Won't say more then that;) Thanks again!

_Riaelfgirl: _Apologies are not necessary! I am just thankful that you choose to return to my story time and time again! You are one of the handful of my original reviewers and for that I will be eternally thankful. It's reviewers like you that keep me writting. Thank You. (And not to worry, Kaida will be meeting Remus shortly)

_Dark Vampiresss:_ Thank you! I was worried that it might seem out of character. Thank you for always reading and reviewing! You have no idea how much that means to me.

_EyesofEmerald: _Thank you so much! You've always read and reviewed my story and for that my gratitude knows no bounds! Thank you!

_Lady Rheena:_ Welcome to my little story! I'm always so happy to have new readers. I hope you'll continue to read and review-and I'll do my best to continue to entertain you! Thank you for reviewing!

_Yavannie_: Apologies are not necessary! You are one of my favorite reviewers! You are always so eloquent in your reviews that it never ceases to amaze me. I've never had the pleasure of having "adroit" used in reference to myself...I am truly flattered. You thank me in your review for writting this story; but it is I who should be thanking you for embracing it. Thank You.

_Aerandir_: Thank you for reviewing! And for goodness sakes! You are by no means a simpleton! You are a brilliant writer! That's right BRILLIANT! Now no more of that rubbish:)

_richellebelle10_: Welcome back! Goodness, you're making me blush! I don't think I could ever write a book...You are just too kind to think so highly of my work. I want to thank you for not only reviewing this story by for also reviewing "The Serpent's Shadow". That story means alot to me...being that it was my first one...and the fact that it went unnoticed for so long...Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope that you'll continue to do so.

Well, that's all of them! Thank you all! I don't think I could have continued to write this without your continued support! Thank you!

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 22: 

I linger in the monstrous doorway of the Great Hall in complete wonder at the sight before me. The warmth of the candlelight creeps over my body, gently melting the frost of Malfoy's presence from my mind. The pulchritude of the Hall quickly ensnares my senses, drawing my liquid gaze upon its bounty.

The massive chamber has been decorated in the colours of autumn twilight: orange and black; with lashings of gold interspersed amongst it all. It has been so long since I've seen the marvels of the Great Hall-since I've cast my gaze upon the night sky of the enchanted ceiling. The grey of the storm clouds above frame the glow of the Hall's excitement beautifully. It's foreboding nature, a sharp contrast to the merrymaking.

Still standing on the threshold of the festivities, I allow my eyes to not only adjust to the muted light, but also feast upon this vision. I look around the crowded room. The élan of the hall so pure…so undiluted that it engulfs my very being. Sending it into a fit of hallucinations-everything around me appears to be surreal in its beauty and complexity. The normally dead stonewalls now undulate with watery shadows. The black linens that blanket the ridged grain of the wooden house tables are like intricate webs spun of ebony-each thread seems to shimmer in the candlelight.

The students all chatter happily; the novelty of the decorations lost. They gorge themselves on the delicacies before them. Their faded silhouettes dancing upon the walls in time to the flickering hearts of the hundreds of carved pumpkins floating effortlessly above. Over the low hum of conversation, the distinct sound of wings and screeches loom overhead. Waves of black bats weave in and out amongst the cacophony of tangerine streamers and giant Jack O' Lanterns. But amongst all these sensations one remains the most tantalizing: the smell.

The lyceum has been bathed in a sea of ambrosial complexity. Invisible arms of redolence embrace me seductively, drawing me to their fragrant bosom of viands. The pungent smell of All Hallow's Pudding mingling with the savory scent of Cale Cannon bring back a flood of mortal memories that send my mouth watering. All around me, gold plates are filled with mountains of delectable delights-sirens beckoning me forth.

Leaving the safety of my roost, I make my way to the Slytherin table. A longing to not only partake in this meal, but to also become suffused with the liveliness of the bodies around me, pulls me to a seat at the center of the table. I soon find myself wedged between two young girls-I suspect that they are first years, as they do not have the glint of jadedness in their eyes that so many of the older Slytherins possess. From the pained look upon their faces, it is obvious that they are at a loss as to how they should behave. They try to mask their excitement with looks of would-be disinterest-I see they have begun their training in the art of Slytherin sobriety. _Never let life pleasures blind you to your goals, _another credo that is enforced in this house of the fiercely ambitious.

The girls dare not look me in the eyes, as I am not only an upper classman, but my borrowed robes tell them that I am of a higher social station then they are. They steal glances at me. I smile pleasantly at them; I want no part of this hierarchy. Finally one of the girls smiles weakly back at me. With her head slightly bowed as though to shield her from my potential wrath at her insolence, she introduces herself, "Hi…." She starts weakly, "My name is Moira Graves…I'm a first year…" She whispers her station as though it were some sort of dark secret.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Her face lights up as she smiles at me- relief blatantly registered upon her face. She waits politely for me to disclose my name. I continue to smile at her-I have no intention of revealing my identity to her, for my need for secrecy is far stronger then that of my civility.

Moira shifts awkwardly in her seat, somewhat flustered by the abrupt change in my demeanor. In an attempt to dispel the awkwardness of our verbal exchange she introduces her consort, "And that's my sister Lamya…she's a first year too…" I turn to face the dark haired girl. Grabbing hold of my hand she shakes it vigorously with an exuberance that I have not seen in many years. She smiles toothily at me, all the while squeaking compliments punctuated by, 'it's nice to meet you.' I laugh softly at her gaiety. Suddenly realizing her actions she releases my hand, as she and her sister blush with embarrassment.

"Sorry about that…it's just that we haven't really had much luck making friends since we've gotten here…." I watch as Lamya's eyes fall to her somewhat worn looking robes. Moira brushes the front of hers in an attempt to smooth over the graying patches.

Lamya smiles happily as she continues where her sister left off-her words heavy with optimism, "But we're not worried…we're going to make something of ourselves. Then pretty soon the others won't care about how our robes look and we'll have oodles of friends!"

_Ambitious little thing aren't you? That's what must of gotten you into this bleak house; that unwavering ambition. Poor child…if only you knew that they could never get beyond that…_

Lost in my thoughts I miss much of her idealistic spiel; managing to only catch the last few fragments of her swiftly spoken words, "…after all, we met you! I'm sure there's bound to be a couple of other nice people in the lot…" She continues to grin happily at me, as Moira nods in agreement.

My lips curl into a soft smile as I look at them. I can almost see an air of innocence surround these girls; they have no idea that the world is not as it appears to be. I find myself thoroughly charmed by their innocence and optimism-it is so refreshing to see such untainted souls in this nest of snakes. But there is a hard reality that sits below the surface of their rose-tinted world, one that will eventually rob them of this purity. For within a mere month's time they will be nothing more then broken girls; their innocence replaced with arrogance and their optimism poisoned with distain. It is the way things have always been in the house of Slytherin…it is the way it shall always be.

They continue to chat happily amongst themselves, completely unaware of what is to come. And who am I to disillusion this world to them? I am drawn out of my silent rumination by the enticing smell of the food before me.

Pushing a large slice of meat onto my plate, Moira chirps cheerily, "You have to try this! It's delicious! I don't have a clue what it is though…" she turns to her sister quizzically.

"It's roast beef…a muggle dish." Lamya manages to bark out between mouthfuls of food.

The aroma of the spices sends my acute senses reeling. But amongst all the heady herbs the scent that draws me in most is that of blood-the sweet, metallic fragrance of that dark ambrosia.

With knife and fork in hand, I slice through the soft bit of flesh upon my plate. The warm flesh seems to melt under the cold steel of my metal fang, releasing a plume of heat and the scent of peppered iron. My mouth waters with anticipation-this will be my first taste of _real _blood…

My lips have not been bathed in mortal crimson since my conversion-and Adelais was far from mortal. The potion, which has sustained me for so long-the Headmaster's eternal gift to me (also known as the Incruentus Elixir), is just as its name implies, _bloodless_. To be exact, it means "_without bloodshed"_.

It is very well possible that I may be the only vampire in existence to have survived with not so much as a drop of mortal blood. How is this possible you ask? This is a simple question with a rather complex answer.

As I am sure you are already aware, vampires are immortal. With the exception of the sun's rays, nothing can kill us. Even the sun's scorching light can sometimes fail to rob us of our immortality. The myths surrounding our extermination are as fraudulent as the accounts of our nature. Holy water will not burn me nor will religious relics. A stake through my heart, though rather painful, will not destroy me. Nor will a wreath of garlic repel me. These are by all means, tales told by fools to calm their paranoia; they hold no grain of truth. This is not to say that we are invincible; on the contrary, we have as many weaknesses as you do. We feel pain just as you mortals do; we bleed as you do. In fact, we have more similarities with mortals then we do differences.

Understanding that we are immortal will invariably lead you to the realization that starvation will not kill us-though it will weaken us to a point in which we are as good as dead. Our bodies, though immortal, are essentially cadaverous; it is the mortal essence in blood (the life it contains) that not only grants us strength but also animates our bodies.

However, blood is not the only source of this vitality. Everything that surrounds us is teeming with life-as Gaia had intended. Within the organic confines of flora is the gift of life. The true challenge comes in its extraction.

Only the most potent of ingredients can provide enough mortal radiance to sustain me. It is their potency that makes these elements extremely _poisonous._ For centuries, the world's greatest potions maters have toyed with theories of what these poisonous compounds could do-what potential lay hidden. Several speculated that what made the plants poisonous were high levels of life energy-so strong that it overwhelmed the human body. It would be Albus Dumbledore that dared to pull this theory from mere notion into reality. What much of the wizarding world has yet to realize is that these poisonous compounds are the most powerful in terms of magical properties. But with this gracious gift comes a sinister price: your life. For immortals this is a trifle, for our lives know no bounds.

The ingredients for the Incruentus Elixir reads like the pantry of an assassin. Incorporating the exquisite power of Belladonnas, Bloodroots, and Black Nightshade, as well as other prominent poisons. But these are mere trinkets when compared to the potency of the base. The base is created with the most deadly combination known to modern potion masters: Gorgon Hair and Veela Tear Infusion.

It is strange that a combination of only the most poisonous and deadly ingredients can breath into me life. As you know, Gorgon Hair and Veela Tears are conflicting elements-constantly waging war within the confines of a cauldron. Passion and fury tear through each of the two components; it is this passion and anger that lends me life. For life is nothing more then a passionate pursuit of experiences. And what better a guide then the raw passion of Hate?

Originally, the Headmaster's concoction called for Phoenix tears-a pearly liquid so full of unbridled love and respect that it is said to cure even the most fatal of injuries. However, it was not enough to sustain me…love does not carry the potency of hate. In fact, the phoenix tear served as an anti-venom to the other ingredients. When I drank of this potion, my body tingled with warmth. I felt safe and content…and yet empty….

Severus made modifications to the Headmaster's creation to accommodate for my needs. And for that I owe him my life.

The sight of the small pool of blood-tinged juices of the meat swirling upon the golden surface of my plate brings a hungry smile to my face. Sinking the pointed tips of my fork into the tender vittles, I bring the lovely morsel to my eager mouth. Savoring not only the wondrous taste of blood, but also the exquisite sensation of my teeth tearing through the softened meat, I surrender to the savageness of the meal. Never before had I noticed the baseness of eating. How violent the act is. It is the one time when the use of our natural weapons is acceptable. We rip and tear with our hands and teeth, reveling in the satisfaction of our hunger. But nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoy the sensuous annihilation of this divine delicacy.

The evening wears on in a blur of different culinary creations. With my hunger for mortal delights quelled, I turn my attention to the bodies around me. I bask in the warmth of the festivities, my eyes traveling from one happy face to the next; hunting for one in particular. Seated next to Professor Flitwick was my quarry: Remus Lupin.

He is angelic in his beauty, as the soft candlelight dances in his umber hair, setting his skin aglow with a pallid light. He moves his hands animatedly as he speaks to the petite professor-a silver sparkle emanating from his hand. I should be content to watch him from a distance; to be able to feast upon him with my eyes…but I'm not. I want to be near him, to unravel his many secrets, to revel mine to him…. There is no basis to my want…other then to please him…to bring him into my world. There is a longing to make him happy, to see him smile, to hear him laugh…to watch him live forever. But beneath this selfish desire is fear. Fear that if I were ever to reveal myself to him that I would lose him…it is a risk I cannot take…not with something so precious to me…

_Tell him… _

_I can't…it's too much of a risk… But that is the nature of love. It is a gamble. You risk it all for more…sometimes you win…sometimes you lose…but at least you'll never have to wonder what could have been…. But what if he doesn't feel the same way…_

_Does it matter? Will him not reciprocating your feelings really change how you feel?_

_No…_

_Then tell him…_

_Go on…_

_Tell him…_

I bid good night to Moira and Lamya, as I exit the Great Hall… There is much to be done before I am to meet Remus… My heart skips a beat from both fear and excitement, as I rush to my chambers. Quickly I cast off my disguise-allowing it to fall onto the cold stone floor. Slipping into my habitual black satin robe, I steady my now frantic heart, as doubt fills my mind.

_Adelais, give me strength…_

* * *

A/N: Well that's it! I hope you found that chapter to have been worth the wait! A bit of news, my computer will be going to the shop for a spot of repairs. I don't know exactly when I will have it back(I've have been told anywhere from a week to three weeks). I will do my best to update on a different computer but I make no promises (as I'm not sure I can keep them). Please don't give up on this story! Please be patient. If you would like me to email you when the chapter is ready then please include your email address either in your review or in an email sent to the email address on my profile. Truly sorry. 

Ninde Annare


	23. chapter 23

A/N: Hello Everyone!

I'm terribly, terribly sorry about the unnaturally long wait; but my computer is still in the shop and I've had to resort to making a deal with my local devil in order to post this chapter-a nasty proposal involving cleaning a litter box for the next century or so. A thousand apologizies to all my faithful readers who have been waiting patiently. I hope that this chapter makes amends for the rather long wait. I have been having doubts about this chapter; whether to post it or not...I hope I've made the right decision... Now onto my traditional _thank you's:_

_Chantal J: _Thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

_This Parrot has ceased to be_: No need to thank me, I absolutely adore your writting style. Simplicity is afterall, beauty in its purest form. And you are truly too kind to shower such kind compliments on me. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and thank you for continuing to read and review.

_Neoma_: Thank you for the kind words. As always you are a source of never-ending inquisitiveness, which I find quite admirable. You'll find that this chapter answers all but one of your questions; which I've chosen to leave open-won't tell you why now...but trust me, all will be revealed in due time. And once again, thank you for continuing to read and review time and time again.

_pirate grlEe_:Thank you for reviewing. I'm truly sorry I've kept you waiting; I hope that this chapter will have been worth the wait.

_wotchertonks: _Thank you! I've always thought that all too often Slytherins are written off all too sterotypically-that they are just plain bad. But I digress, thank you for reviewing.

_Dark Vampiresss: _Thank you for reviewing and for continuing to do so time and time again, I really do appreciate it. And I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long.

_BlackKat99_: Thank you for the kind words, but I'd have to say that you are horribly wrong! You are far from being a "little person" when it comes to writting; you are a brilliant author! Really you are:)

_The Grim_: Thank you so much for reviewing. I always look forward to your reviews, not to mention your updates:) Once again thank you, and I'm sorry about the wait.

_AstaraelUndomiel: _First of all, Welcome to my little story! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! I hope I won't disappoint you with this chapter. Thank you so much for reviewing!

_esta-gr_: _Superb?_ My work? Goodness! You're making me blush! You are truly too kind! Thank you so much for the generous compliments. And I will definately keep your postscript in mind when my computer comes back(hopefully soon).

_Riaelfgirl_: Thank you for the kind words. And it is a pity that they will end up being like every other Slytherin...but then again would that really be all that bad? Once again, thank you for reviewing!

_dragonsgrl_: Thank you! You're as usually far to generous with your compliments-much to my ego's enjoyment:) Once again thank you for continuing to review.

_Countess Vladislaus Dragu_:Thank you for the kind words. I hope this chapter does not disappoint you.

_Aerandir: _Thank you so much for reviewing! I know how hectic your schedule is; I'm truly touched that you took time out of it just to read my meager story. Thank you:)

_permanent_: Welcome silent reader! I thank you for your kind words and hope that this chapter will induce another review;) Thank you for reading and reviewing my story, I truly appreciate it.

_Lady Rheena: _Yes you are a most eloquent reviewer! Simple in your approach but you get your point across quite nicely:) Thank you for your kind words! I hope this chapter will not disappoint you.

_kiwaussi:_ Welcome back! I was worried that my story had begun to grow stale and as such you lost interest. I am truly flattered by your praises. Thank you for continuing to read and review.

_Titou Moony:-p_: I'm sorry I've kept you waiting; but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the events that are about to unfold in chapter 23...and subsequent chapters. Thank you again for reading and reviewing.

_Unauthorized Cuddler_: Welcome to my little story! As I recall, you reviewed "The Serpent's Shadow" as well. I am eternally thankful that you did. It was my very first attempt at writting and as such holds a very special place in my heart. I thank you for reading and reviewing and hope that you'll continue to do so.

Now, without further ado Chapter 23!

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 23:

Silently standing in the darkness of my abode I am overwhelmed by alternating waves of panic and excitement as they wash over my doubtful mind. I am in awe at the deafening sound of silence-its foreboding song filling the void. A storm has begun to brew in my soul; an angry sea of thoughts has begun to toss mists of fear-blanketing my emotions with a slick surface of terror. My mind grows cloudy with greying wisps of uncertainty; lightening flashes, illuminating my deepest desires for brief instances, adding to the haze of my ambivalence. Through all this chaos one sound-one sensation reigns supreme: the thunderous beating of my grotesque heart.

(An erratic heart beat)

Closing my eyes, I fight to still the frantic beating of my immortal heart-its own thunderous rhythm threatening the flow of this silent symphony. I can feel it slow as it surrenders to my mind. Without its unnerving chorus roaring amongst the cacophony of erratic reasons, my mind begins to clear. My boldness begins to grow in the absence of my frightened heart's stifling rampage. With a deep breath, I gather the dark satin of my robes in my hand, as I prepare to leave my sanctuary-to meet the fate of my unspoken words.

I open my chamber door...I open the gateway to another world.... Once again, I have crossed over from the dead of my hollow to mingle in the warm effervescence of the school's corridors. The empty halls ring with the ebullience of the feast, as I make my way to Remus' office.

The gentle patter of raindrops upon the windows guide me through the halls, as they draw my mind from its panicked obsession. The darkened windows seem to weep...to overflow with heaven's tears-an ominous sympathy. For tonight my robes may share the same fate...they may also be soaked with tears. In no time at all, I find myself standing upon the threshold of Remus' chambers. Tentatively, I strike the vapid wooden door-its indifferent call echoing softly through the aphonic office. Silence.

With one hand pressed against the rough grain of the ominous wood, I gently push open the door to find...no one. Cautiously I enter his office; the gentle fire light casting long spindly shadows upon the wall. A chill washes over me. The normally welcoming ambience of his office has evanesced, despite the lingerance of warmth.

Slowly I move across the room, as a familiar sight beckons me forth. Nestled between two other books; it sits unpretentiously, bidding me to touch its faded leather covers. Removing it from its wooden cradle I gently set it upon Remus' desk. I open its ancient cover to unleash a flurry of sensations. The crinkled yellow pages pressed against my fingertips; the smell of time and ink; the sea of dead Latin words waiting to be revived upon my lips-they call to me.

The book, simply titled _Remotis Arbitris_ (Without Witness), has fallen open to a passage, willing me to breath life back into its forgotten words.

* * *

I stand before you, in a form that allows me immortality. I stand before you, my body reduced to pools of ink and parchment, in a desperate attempt to lend life to my thoughts. 

I thank you, kind reader, for keeping my soul alive...for reading these words. I cannot endure more of this mortal torment.... soon I shall be dead; and the world will continue to turn with one less evil.

Let it be known that I am a werewolf. Yes...I am a werewolf, but by no means am I a monster... Shunned by my peers, doomed to a loveless life, I suffer silently the pains of my curse...my salvation.

For it is through this curse that I have managed to reach you. Would you have read my words if I were merely a man? I think not. You read my words because you long to know what goes on in the mind of a beast...you are sick with curiosity... And I shall torment you no longer...I shall sooth your fevered search...

You quest for a monster, for a beast of unwavering bloodlust. But you will not find him in these pages. It is true that in my other form I would happily rip out your heart; tear you limb from limb...but not now...not in this form.

You must understand that in my transformed state, only a thin thread of consciousness ties me to my sanity. Just as now, only a sliver of animal instincts remain imbedded in my mind.

Once a month, under the sinister gaze of a full moon will I be consumed by insanity...will I be a threat to you...to your family...to all you hold dear... Once a month, I am consumed by the need to transfer the curse, as it is the only time I can do so... I do not deny that I am a monster then...but not now...not when I am as sane as you... not in this human body. So why do you continue to recoil from my touch? To avoid my eyes? Do you fear that you may find humanity in place of what you had hoped to be beastly cruelty? After all it would be far easier to dash out my brains if all my eyes held were a hunger for death.

After all, I am as frail as any human. I bleed just as you do...I can die in the hands of a manticore or a vampire as easily as you. And I can die as easily by your hands. It is true that we heal at a remarkable rate-that is the only gift afforded to us by this curse-but this does not grant us immortality.

In reality we are nothing more then humans who once a month become wolves. That is all. We are not servants of Satan, we do not all worship the dark lord; nor do we practice the dark arts. We are like you. And with this said I bid you goodbye. As I leave this world, _without witness_.

* * *

His words fade into a pool of crimson stains. A fine black powder clings to the page- reeking of saltpetre, sulphur and charcoal: muggle gunpowder. An icy tendril surrounds me, at the realization of the author's violent end...it is all here...all contained in this one tome...his life...his death...stated simply in a passage no longer then a page in length.... In bemused silence, I mourn the loss of this fallen soul... 

He lived alone...he died alone...will this be my fate? No...how quickly I forget my immortality. How I envy you, dear writer, for you will know an end to your torment; while I am doomed to watch those I care for...those I love die...one by one...until all that is left is myself and emptiness.

_Oh Remus...how can I bear to tell you? _

_To bring you into my darkness?_

_Perhaps some things are better left unsaid..._

_But can I really live an eternity wondering what could have been?_

_Remus..._

The silent surface of the room is suddenly filled with a rippling roar, as the sound of wood upon stone pervades through the still of the atmosphere. The door stands agape. From the mouth of the chamber, Remus captures my gaze with his. My heart begins to race yet again; its inhibitions lost in his eyes.

The sound of his quickened breath surrounds me, as his lungs desperately claw at the cool air, willing it to enter their empty caverns. I can hear the steady pounding of his heart-it is a sensuous beat; so tangible I can almost taste its iron notes. His skin is flushed with the softest of pink hues, his brow laced in beaded sweat-he stands before me positively glowing with mortal innocence. How can I bare to drag him into my darkened world?

"Kaida..." He whispers my name so softly I scarcely hear it-his beautiful face marred with worry. He crosses the room with such fluid grace; I become lost in his movements. Soon I am pressed to his chest, as he envelopes me in his embrace. My words seem to catch in my throat as he wraps me in the safety of his arms...as I melt in the wake of his scent.

I've longed for this moment for so long...I've longed to find my salvation...I've longed for it, despite my uncertainty of its existence... I would freeze time to preserve this perfect embrace...to preserve the crystal clarity of this moment... There is only Remus; there is nothing beyond him...beyond my emotions...

I can feel my body become flushed with a feverish warmth, as my legs tremble weakly- my mind swimming in a sea of dulled senses.

_How can one man strip me so completely of my strength? _

_How can one man shatter the fortitudes of my mind so easily?_

His embrace has locked my arms to my side. I long to hold him in my arms...to return this intimate token...but I dare not shatter this moment with my clumsy gestures...

As suddenly as they had graced my body, they abandon it yet again, as Remus releases me from his hold. He pulls away from me. A cool breeze enters the room from an open window just beyond his door. The cold night air like thousands of needles upon my body; piercing my skin-that had only moments ago, been set aflame by his touch. Gently rustling by my robes, it drifts back from whence it came, carrying the shattered pieces of my perfect moment.

"Kaida, it's not safe for you to be here alone..." His eyes dart from mine to fall upon the open book that rests upon his desk. His eyes quickly meet mine again-uncertainty clouds his gaze. His lips curl into a subtle frown; disgust pulling at its corners. "Black's in the school, Kaida. The Headmaster has summoned us to the Great Hall..." He turns from me, as he begins to make his way to the door. I can feel a thin line of fractures creep over my glass heart-a break induced by Remus' suddenly frigid demeanour.

Why does it hurt so? 

_I've suffered the searing pain of rejection all my life...and yet now it burns with a new passion fuelled by the deadened wood of my soul. _

We walk silently through the halls. I watch his lithe form move with leadened limbs. Something seems to be weighing heavily upon his mind. His steps seem to be driven not by urgency but of avoidance-sending further chills of woe over me. I struggle to keep his pace but my legs-as well as my heart-are still weak from our encounter.

We pass by an open window. A gentle breeze pushes through the small opening, producing an eerie, yet soothing lullaby. My eyes begin to flutter shut as I swoon from the draught's icy kiss. With weakened limbs, I feel my pace begin to slow until finally I cease to move. My equilibrium wavers...will I fall?

_It's too late..._

_You've fallen...in the worst possible way..._

_Your limbs reject your mind's logic, for now they have a new master..._

_For now they are possessed by Eros..._

I hear Remus' footsteps suddenly stop dead, only to start up again moments later. His footsteps make nary a sound...

_Has he left me behind; disgusted by my weakness?_

His scent still looms heavily around me. I breathe deeply, burning his scent into my mind, for I may never breathe of it again.

_Remus..._

My eyelids are heavy with a desire to remain in the safety of their own inflicted darkness-to avoid the face of the one who could induce endless tears. And yet, I force them open...

With ailed eyes, I find him by my side, hands hovering timidly around my shoulders. He holds me with a gentle gaze, so delicate that no arms could ever simulate their embrace, "Kaida...are you alright?"

Weakly I smile at him... Weakly I smile into the face of the one who has bound my heart and ensnared my wits... "I could have asked you the very same question..." I reach out to gently cup his cheek in my frozen fingers. Despite their frosty touch, his face lights up into a brilliant blush.

His momentary shock at my query soon gives way to a delicate verbiage, "Always the observant one, aren't you?" Faint notes of sarcasm loom dangerously over his words. A tired smile creeps across his reddened skin. Taking my hand from his cheek, he holds it between his own. He presses something cold and hard into my pallid palm-covered with jagged edges it stings my hand. Gently he withdraws his hands, as he folds my stony fingers over the mysterious mound of frozen stingers.

He looks upon me with saddened eyes. Slowly I open my hand-frightened by what may lie within. With my fingers now unfurled I am greeted by a sinister silver sparkle. Nestled in my palm, crushed and mutilated but nonetheless whole in its maliciousness, the Wolfsbane pin has returned to haunt me yet again.

"Remus...." Once again, in the presence of this devilish adornment I am rendered speechless. The icy fingers of fear pluck the chords of my voice as it plays its paralyzing song.

"Why couldn't you have told me?" With liquid eyes, he studies my face; searching for the answers that my words deny him, "Is this why you've been avoiding me? Is this why I haven't seen you in weeks?" Though his voice rings with anger, there is a subtle pleading in its tone-a desperate clawing for unspoken answers.

A deadly pause finds its way into our colloquy. The silence is terrifying. Suddenly in a hushed voice-barely a whisper-I hear my words, "...yes...I can't deny it... This is why I have been avoiding you...." I hold up the baneful brooch, allowing the candlelight to wash over it, to illuminate it in all its unhallowed glory. "But it hasn't only been you...I've been avoiding everyone I care for...this _thing _has awoken something in me...something I had hoped was dead..."

I clutch the silvery monstrosity to my chest willing it to withdraw the poison it had unleashed within. I can feel it searing my heart with its fractured emotions; I can feel my walls of indifference crumble in its wake. Remus looks on with widened eyes of disbelief. Losing myself in my words, I unleash them upon him as Pandora's box did to the world; I unleashed my darkest thoughts, "...Do you know what it is like to have all you hold dear; all you hold hallowed and close to be rendered false? This...this _thing _awoke emotions inside me that I could have never fathomed..."

Resurrecting an apathetic façade he pushes on with his queries, desperate to find elucidation. "Spare me your worn excuses of fear...I've heard them all my life...been rejected by everyone around me...but I never thought you...you of all people...you who knew the sting of rejection so well, could ever do this to me..." He bites back his words as he struggles with his own demons...with his own emotions. I feel his pain, unbridled but not unwarranted. It burns in my depths, branding my soul with painful empathy.

"Remus, understand that it is not you I reject, it is who I've become. This jaded beast that stands before; unworthy to bask in your presence...it is this..." With the pin still in hand, I point squarely at my heart. "...This that I reject! There is nothing that you could ever do, or ever be that could spur my scorn. _Nothing._"

"How can you say that? Do you know what I am?" His questions do not appear to have been meant for my ears, they seem to be a product of disbelief at my unconditional acceptance.

Taking his hands within my own, I stroke them soothingly, "It's true, I don't know what you are...what you've become over the years, but that is something I wish to discover. Do not deny me the chance to unravel you, to disrobe your..." I smile coyly at him, in an attempt to lighten the crushing atmosphere. "...Your secrets simply because you refuse to acknowledge the fact that someone accepts who you are; what you are, unconditionally."

He withdraws his hands from mine and with them he takes the villainous trinket. Wrapping me in a soft cascade of faded black cloth he envelops me in his arms-words failing to express his feelings. I rest my head on his broad shoulders, as I listen to his heart beat in time with my own. I revel in its muted song...I revel in the rebirth of my perfect moment.

But like all ungrateful mortals, I question the source of my salvation...I question Remus... "How did you find it? How did you know it was mine?"

Unfazed by my ingratitude, he answers me in that same soothing voice, the same unwavering timbre. "I was out in the Forbidden Forest earlier today, hoping to catch some fish in the Lost Lake for my Grindylow when I found it." With a content sigh he proceeds, "I knew it was yours because it smelled of amaranths..." He rests his head on mine. "I spoke to Professor Flitwick about it during the feast, he said that it was beyond repair...that the charm had been broken...I'm sorry..."

"It's alright, Remus...it's done more in this state then it ever could whole..." I can't help but smile broadly. Who would have ever thought that something that caused me so much pain...so much strife could ever bring me such elation?

Releasing me from his embrace he pulls back to carefully pin it to my chest. I look at him quizzically, to which he answers simply, "So we never forget...." Biting his lower lip he smiles shyly as he takes my hand-as we make our way to the Great Hall floating on borrowed clouds of bliss.

* * *

A/N: Well, there it is everyone! I hope you enjoyed it, I'm still having doubts about it as I write this little note. I look forward to reading your responses to this chapter. In regards to an update, I will do my best to post as soon as I am done writing chapter 24 (which have yet to start). I make no promises in regards to time, as I don't know when I will be able to procure another computer. Please just keep checking back. Don't give up on this story. Thank you all for reading, now please don't forget to review!

Ninde Annare


	24. chapter 24

A/N: Hello Everyone!

A thousand pardons for the unusually long wait; this chapter proved to more difficult to conceive then I had originally thought. Life has been most beastly as of late; school has been filling my spare moments with hydras of education. Just when I think that I have managed to vanquish the hydra's head known as homework, two more spring forth...(sigh) such is my plight.

Life has also taken to showering this story with complications. Little do you know of the series of misfortunes that have befallen this chapter. Bear with me as I elaborate. The first version of this chapter (one of three), was saved onto a diskette, which my roommate promptly used as a coaster, thus effectively ending its literary life. Not one to be but off by this sort of minor set back, I went off in search of a computer, in the hopes of creating version two. As I was writing version 2, using a computer at my local public library, there was a power outage-and another version fell to another unseen complication. Somewhat disheartened by this unforeseeable accident, but nonetheless determined to write this chapter, I took to writing it by hand-to avoid any other technological accidents. This version too fell prey to another "accident", one that came in the form of hot coffee in a cafe. By this point it occurred to me that the fates did not want this chapter to come to be. I do hope I have made the right decision in releasing this cursed chapter to you and I hope that this exposition has earned me a pardon from my faithful readers-I do apologize profusely for keeping you all waiting.

Please bear with me just a mite longer, I would just like to quickly thank my lovely readers-those who have reviewed chapter 23 and those who have not:

_Titou Moony:-p_: Thank you for reviewing chapter 23, I do hope you enjoy chapter 24!

_EyesofEmerald_: You are truly too kind! Really you are! I do believe you've made me blush! :)

_The Grim_: I do hope this will appease you, oh great Grim of literary brilliance! I am truly flattered that you took time out of your busy life to review chapter 23!

_angelriseng85_: Thank you for the lovely compliments. I daresay, that you are too generous! But nonetheless, I appreciate them greatly! I am sorry that I've confused you...(sigh) tis the Bain of my poor literary skills.

_Neoma_: Goodness! So many questions! Now, in regards to the book, Remotis Arbitris, I can safely say without giving too much away that it was not written by Remus. At this time, I am sorry to say that I cannot answer any of your other questions; just know that all will be revealed in due time. Thank you for reviewing and for continuing to grace me with such kind words.

_pirate grlEe_: Thank you kindly for reviewing chapter 23. And just a quick note, I wouldn't count Severus out just yet if I were you;)

_This Parrot has ceased to be_: "Better than chocolate"? Goodness! I would have never thought that anything could possibly be better then chocolate! Perhaps you mean the other brown substance...the less pleasant of brown substances...but nonetheless, I thank you for your review and for continuing to review.

_Aerandir:_ Thank you so much for the compliments! It's readers like you that keep me writing:)

_Astarael-Undomiel: _I suppose that all writers fall prey to doubt every once and a while...but for psuedo-writers, such as myself, it is just a way of life; we hide in the guise of words and hope that no one will notice our poorly strung prose. I constantly find myself wondering if I am worthy of posting my works along side the brilliance of the other writers on this board. I am flattered by your kind words and I do apologize for keeping you waiting. I do hope this chapter will make amends for the unusually long wait.

_Permanent:_ Thank you! I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter:)

_Riaelfgirl_ : I feel absolutely terrible to have kept you (as well as my other long-time readers) waiting. You are too kind with your words and I've always thought that my mental lexicon was rather limited, but I thank you nonetheless for the compliment!

_Chantal J_: Thank you, Thank you! I'm sorry that you've had to wait such a long time for this particular chapter.

_elvesmagic010: _There is no need to apologize; I'm elated to just know you're reading my story. I do hope that you will enjoy this chapter. And once again, thank you for reviewing.

_wotchertonks_: Apologizes are not necessary. I am truly touched that you have taken time out of your busy schedule to read and review my story. Thank you; a thousand times: thank you!

_Subtly Cynical Kitsune:_ Thank you for the kind words! I am flattered that you would bestow them upon me, as I think that you are a brilliant writer-far, far, better a writer then myself. Once again, thank you.

_Dark Vampiresss_: Thank you for reviewing chapter 23! I do believe you will find Severus in this chapter-as requested. I do hope that you will enjoy this chapter. Once again, thank you for reviewing and for continuing to do so.

_Kani:_ Welcome to my little story! I'm sorry to have kept you waiting! I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter. And thank you for reading and reviewing:)

_Lady Rheena_: Goodness! You are too kind! Your words carry beauty, as well-they are eloquent in their simplicity and lovely in their nature. Thank you for sharing them with me:)

_Nerfi-Tiri_: Welocome to my meager story! Thank you for the lovely compliments. I do hope that you will enjoy this chapter and that you will continue to read and review. And once again, I do apologize for the lateness of my update.

_danfan14:_ Welcome back! I was so worried that you had lost interest in my story...that it had grown stale. I thank you kindly for reading and reviewing and for putting my worries to rest.

I would just like to quickly welcome the following new readers to my story (though I doubt that they have gotten to this chapter yet, I would like this _thank you_ to be here when they arrive at this point):

_Packed Flowers_

_Huor Elendril_

_Calixte Taylor_

_micartne_

Thank you one and all for reading and reviewing my story! Words cannot express how much your reviews mean to me. Please keep this story alive...please keep me writing by submitting a review-even if it is just to let me know that you are reading.

One final note, this chapter is in a rather raw form-much like past chapters. I do hope that you will forgive any mechanical errors that you should stumble upon.

Again, thank you,

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 24:

This moment...

This simple gesture...

This feeling...

This thought...

To put them into words...

To grant them immortality through the guise of ink would require me to bleed every last drop from not only my quill but also from my very soul. My world has become engulfed in the beauty of Remus' presence...lost in a haze...a mist of the unknown.... It is a primal redolence that fogs my thoughts-a deadly scent that sends my mind reeling. Beneath the delicious aroma of Remus' velvety skin lies the aesthetic allure of a beastly bouquet-a feral fragrance. I can feel my heart race in its wake; spurred on by the lusty scent. A purr threatens to slip forth from my lips...a sensual answer to the untamed howl of Eros. A shameful cry; and yet, it is but a quavering note amongst a diapason of longings.

Our hands are intertwined in a seductively innocent embrace. His palm is warm and soft against my skin; my hand seems to tingle in its wake. Perhaps it is the fact that it is so innocent, so unassuming, that makes his touch so bewitching. He gently strokes my hand with his thumb; unknowingly sending me into deeper fits of intoxication.

My mind scrambles to find words that would properly convey this sensation-I want to remember this moment always.... The quiver in my steps; the warmth of his touch; the feeling of utter contentment...I want to remember my...

...**_Descent into humanity_....**

_That's it..._

..._That's what Remus does to me...._

_He makes me** human**._

The very thought disgusts me...the thought of being frail...of being weak... of wanting something that you cannot provide for yourself...of needing someone. The whole concept is appalling to my nature. It is like a poison that has stripped me of my essence rendering me mortal; leaving me wanting.

_**Have you lost all reason?**_

_**Have you lost all logic?**_

_**Have you taken leave of your senses?**_

If only that were the case, if only I could take leave of my senses, for they are what have led me astray. They have allowed me to fall into this trap of humanity, into this emotional drain. They have tricked me into following them willingly, hiding the true face of mortality under their cloaks of falsehood.

My limbs harden in the biting frost of my ambivalence...of my surfeit-quickly sucking the softness of mortality from them. Sensing the rigidity of my hand, Remus tilts his head quizzically towards me. His eyes fall upon the clasp that binds us, upon our twisted fingers. With a nervous smile mingling amongst his words, he says softly, "Sorry...." Releasing my hand, he quickly wipes it down the side of his tattered robes. "My hands always get a tad...um...clammy when I'm all..." He blushes a lovely shade of pink as he struggles with his words, "nerves...just a tad nervous..." Remus smiles feebly at his clumsy attempt at exposition, gently biting back the pout of his lower lip. In that instant he seemed to glow with not only rapidly reddening skin but with innocence as well. And in the wake of this radiance, the frost of my immortality and indifference deliquesced-once again, leaving me exposed.

_I feel so lost...so lost in my own mind...my thoughts are so unclear..._

..._Everything is but a blur...a haze..._

_Except for you..._

..._Remus..._

_Dear Remus..._

_For you, I would fall..._

..._For you I would tear open old wounds..._

..._Risk burning them with the acid of my broken tears..._

_For you..._

_**How foolish you sound...**_

_**Like an invalid calling to the Gods for a dream...**_

..._**A fickled hope...**_

_**Is it worth tearing down your defenses?**_

_**Is it worth giving up all you've become?**_

_**All that has made you strong?**_

_**Just for this passing moment of infatuation...**_

_**Is it worth risking the pain to feel again?**_

_**These wounds of the past will never heal if you keep opening them in these pitiful attempts to find something that may not even exist...**_

...**_This coloured bird of paradise..._**

..._**This fowl of love...**_

Remus continues to walk silently by my side, unaware of the carnage of my thoughts. He seems to be lost in his own world-preoccupied by what appears to be doubt. Perhaps his soul carries gashes of time as well; wounds that refuse to heal, that loom over him casting doubt upon all his actions. Quietly, he whispers to himself, "Dumbledore knows about the Whomping Willow...But does he know that Black's a...." His musings fall on my deaf ears as the inquisition of my bewitched mind pulls me back into the depths of my uncertainty...as I slowly drown in a swirl of queries that scream above the silence of the halls.... as reality begins to settle around us.

_**Your love can never be...**_

_**You are creatures of different times...**_

_**You are dead...time has stopped for you...frozen forever...**_

_**While he continues to breathe...to live...to move in its flow...**_

_**Can you bear to part with him when the flow of his time stops?**_

_**Can you bear to watch as time ravages his body?**_

My pace begins to slow as the weight of my thoughts crush the swiftness of my steps. For a moment my vision flickers as though black moths have been placed over my eyes-fluttering their delicate wings of poisonous scales. The silence of the corridor begins to ebb away, as the massive doors of the Great Hall come into view. Bombarded by random snippets of conversation, my thoughts begin to waver and secede.

The professors have amassed and are chattering amongst themselves, waiting impatiently for the Headmaster's oration to begin. Blanketed in his own doubt-filled wraiths, Remus is soon engulfed by the dark cloth waves of the professors' robes.

I watch as Professor Dumbledore makes his way into the centre of the crowd; with a wave of his wand he conjures up a soapbox. Casually flipping it over, he perches atop its crumbling wooden frame. Standing at the flank of the congregation, with baited breath, I wait in the shadow of a statue for the Headmaster to begin his oration.

Those beyond my inner circle do not know of my existence. To them I am merely a legend...a ghost story that lives only in the fabric of their imaginations-an illusion I am more then willing to entertain. For if they were to know of my presence, panic would undoubtedly ensue.

My eyes, upon their own accord, search for Remus' lithe form amongst the sea of strangers. He stands just an arm's length from me. I bask in his shadow, admiring his allure. My left hand, addicted to the sensuous feeling of his body, reaches out to touch his broad shoulders. Tentatively it haunts his sybaritic frame-harrowed by carnal desires. I can feel the heat of his skin upon the palm of my hand as it hovers just inches away from its quarry. Suddenly an icy claw latches onto my wrist and pulls me aside.

I pull against the offending manacle-like manus. In that brief moment of struggle, the crumpled fangs of my brooch have managed to sink their sharpened tips into his forearm. They bite into him-tearing through his robes...through his skin.... He winces from the laceration but does not relinquish his grasp. Bringing his left hand to the wound, he stops the flow of blood; but it is too late, a metallic aura has already taken form. The bittersweet scent of his blood pours into my vampiric lungs-they hunger for its fragrance.

"Kaida!" Severus' voice is soft, allowing the deadly tone of his timbre to wash over me in beautifully terrifying manner. His face is flushed with a sickly blush. His skin is moist with mortal dew.

In an apologetic tone, I whisper, "Severus?! Is something the matter?" I fight to maintain a steady voice-the metallic aroma of his blood causing a crescendo of hunger to rise inside my depths. His blood continues to bloom upon his robes-a crimson sheen upon dull ebony.

He clutches me to him as he steers me away from the throng of professors, and into the umbrage of the stairs. His touch sends a shiver down my spine, like a gelid athame pressed to my heart. There is no warmth in his embrace; it is cold and vice-like-an eerie cage. And yet this fear is soothing in its nature...this fear that courses through me. There is solace in this familiar terrain-in this unlikely sanctuary. I swoon in the wake of the pungent aroma of his dark essence...in the wake of a frightened arousal.

I press my palms to his chest, in a desperate attempt to distance myself from his awkward coll...from the sickly sweetness of his blood. I can feel his erratic heart beat furiously against the confines of its bony prison. A beastly voice buried deep within my mind calls for me to wrap my claws around it...to tear it from him...to suckle upon its fibrous form...to drain it of life....

_**Give unto me your inhibitions...**_

_**Follow me into the darkness...**_

_**Into the realm of flesh...**_

_**And blood...**_

"How could you be so foolish?!" His words pull me from the lusty thirst of my thoughts. I look deeply into the hallow of his eyes; I try to mask their lustful gaze with a look of would-be confusion. "I found the robes...." The hungry flame that only moments ago burned inside me, now flickers and flatters in the wake of my panic...my fear...my asylum...

His breath is irregular; coming in waves of random gasps. Holding me at an arm's length, he studies me-his piceous eyes blanketing my body in a ghastly shroud. I shudder at his icy touch, at his edacious gaze. My trembling form seems to escape his notice as he pushes me against the chill of stony wall.

A soft cry passes over my lips as the biting ridges of the stone sink their dulled talons into my body. With arms at either side of me-barring me from the view of all that surrounds me, rendering me invisible, he continues, "What if someone saw you? All these years of secrecy and stealth would have been for nothing! What would possess you to take such foolhardy risk?" The soft hiss of his words resounds in my mind, as my body continues to tremble. "Could you not have waited for me in my office? I am flattered that you would take such risks to find _me_...but it would not have been worth being seen for."

_"...To find me"?_

With a sigh, he whispers in an unnaturally tender timbre, "Have you forgotten what they do to...to your _kind_?" His hold upon my shoulders tightens, as puce contusions effloresce in their wake. And yet, my mind is drawn to only one thing...above all the panic...above all the pain...above all the confusion, hangs the scent of his blood as it drips onto the cool marble floors. I can almost hear the hiss of the blood as the frost of the ground cools its fevered droplets. I hunger for this Mortal claret.... His left hand is smeared with his own essence; I long to run my tongue across their pallid surface...to lick them clean of the lovely elixir.... My body begins to convulse with not only my longings but also with disgust-disgust at my feral desires.

The low murmur of the Headmaster's words fill the cavernous void-the soft rhythm of his utterances, once the labored heartbeat of this assembly begins to wane until finally it dies. There is a moment of silence. I can feel Severus' ragged breath upon my face as I watch his darkened eyes dart from side to side.

Pulling me back into the snare of his arms he leans into the wall-shielding my trembling form from the eyes of the passersby. I feel his weight upon me and stifle a scream. It sickens me in a way I could have never fathomed, the feeling of his body upon me; the sensuous feel of his delicious heart upon the ice of my own, sends my insides writhing with a virile disgust. The sound of hundreds of hurried steps echoing through the hall almost escapes my keen ears, for the sound of my own erratic thoughts seem to drown out their cries.

_**Deliciously sweet...**_

_**Seductively warm...**_

_**You long to partake of his blood...**_

_**To drink...**_

_**To quell you thirst...**_

_No... _

**_Deny it now longer...surrender to your desires..._ **

_Never...I will never surrender to you...I will fight you until my last breath..._

_**Then it won't be long...**_

_**It won't be long until you are mine...**_

_**Until you become what you have always been meant to be...**_

Desperately, I search the room for some form of distraction...something to draw my attention from the agony of my thoughts.... My eyes flutter from one thing to the next-the gray of my surroundings does little to ward off my mind's grotesque colloquy. Finally they fall upon Severus' throat. I can see a tendril of reddened skin creep up over the tight collar of Severus' robes. It twists and turns, grows and burns, until finally his face displays its blooms in the form of a crimson glow. The hall grows silent once again. With the corridor now devoid of treacherous eyes, Severus releases me from his clutches. Stepping back, he pauses-the silvery glint of my brooch lures his gaze to me...the esurience call of my eyes ensnares his attention. A look of bemused pleasure washes over him, as his obsidian eyes flicker with the smoldering remains to his timidity.

Gently, with trembling fingers he reaches forth to stroke my flushed lips. His finger has been coated in his own blood. Tantalizingly close to my ardent mouth, it forces my lips open with an unseen sinew.

My name lingers on his lips; he thrusts it forth with a silky moan, "Kaida..."

The sultry sonance of his voice coupled with the heady scent of his blood, slowly tear at my inhibitions; carefully severing the thin threads that tie the logic of my mind to my unruly body. And slowly but surely my body forsakes my mind; surrendering its will to its unnatural instincts-mesmerized by the promise of blood.

_What am I doing? _

_**It's the blood...you hunger for it...**_

_I can't do this...I can't drink of Severus..._

_**Why not? He would make a most wonderful Lover...Drink of him and seal your fate...**_

No!

_**He was made for you. Perfectly suited to you.**_

_**A dark, tainted soul-not unlike your own.**_

_**Come now, drink from him...he longs for you to do so....**_

_**Drink...**_

_**Drain him of his mortality...**_

_**Fill him with your darkness...**_

_**And make him yours forever...**_

I force my eyes closed, shielding them from the dalliance of his blood...of his bait. A searing pain fills my chest. The hunger tears at my insides, as it claws desperately, trying to escape the caverns of my dead heart. This darkness within me is filled with animalistic desires...filled with corrupt longings.... It covets destruction and death...but above all it covets gratification. It is a siren's song...and yet, I refuse to yield to its grotesque demands, to surrender my mind to its perverse call.

"Urr...Professor Snape, Sir?" My eyes flutter open at the gentle rumble of Hagrid's voice.

"What is it that you want, Hagrid?" His words escape in a low hiss-spitting out Hagrid's name with venomous annoyance.

"If it isn't ter much trouble, the Headmaster would like a word with you."

With shifty eyes, he weighs his options and defeated he snaps, "Very well." Frustration hangs heavily upon his words. A low growl emanates from his throat, as he releases me into the calm of the silent sepulcher. He turns to follow Hagrid. Suddenly my hand darts forward, catching his wrist just as he is about to turn his back to me. A look of surprise quickly melts into intrigue as he whispers my name, "Kaida?"

_No, I will not allow this to continue..._

_**Silly child...**_

_**Has it not occured to you that you no longer have a say in the matter?**_

I pull back the black velvet of his sleeve to expose the sallow skin of his forearm's underbelly. A sanguinary slash sits enticingly upon his pallid flesh. My free hand snakes into his robe, over his heart, to nestle in his breast pocket. Slowly, almost seductive in its movements, it extracts an emerald kerchief-a gift that I had given him. It still carries my scent.

A moan catches in his throat as its verdigris form slithers over his chest. With rancorously slow movements, I tie it around his wound-sealing it with a swift pull of its cloth ends. He draws his breath through gritted teeth-pleasantly surprised by my aggressive aide. Blushing at his own arousal, he takes my hand, bringing it to his mouth he whispers, "Thank you..." In an act reminisant of chivalry, he brushes his parched lips upon my hand, "My Lady..."

The scent of his sickly sweetness evanesces and with it, it takes the haze that clouded my judgment. With the source of my torment sealed, I indulge him in his game, "The pleasure was mine, Dark Sir." Curtsying, I deliver the coup de grace and for the moment, defeated my demons.

* * *

A/N: Now that your literary thirsts have been quelled, I would like to deliver some most unfortunate news. My computer, who has been in the shoppe for the last little while, has taken a turn for the worse...to be exact, it is no more. A power surge has delivered the final blow to my ancient laptop and thus ended its 'life'. I will do my best to post as soon as possible...I cannot at this time give you a definite time as to when that will be but know that I will never stop writing this story...I won't give up on it...and I hope that you won't either. I will do my best to live up to all your kind compliments and praises, so please be patient, for I will post. Promise.

Ninde Annare

P.S. For those of you, who would like to be notified by email when I post my next chapter, please include your email address in your review or email me directly.


	25. chapter 25

A/N: Hello Everyone!

Where to do I begin? Well, I suppose a proper explaination as to why I've kept you all waiting would be a good place to start. Truth be told, the delay was largely due to a simple and quite common problem: writer's block. I've had the idea for this chapter and the one subsequent to it floating around in my mind for some time now...the problem was simply getting started. And once I did, I found that I couldn't even settle on a proper opening for the chapter. As time passed, embarassingly almost 3 months worth, I started to question whether it was good enough to have kept you all waiting for so long-I do so very much want to be worthy of your praises; which is what ultimately led to my procrastination.... Uncertainty can be a most dangerous thing. Please forgive me for the lateness of this update.I'm truly sorry that I've left this story for so long...my mind has been wandering and I daresay that new plots for new stories have begun to bloom-but I won't abandon this story, as I've said many a time. This story will know an end. I beg for your patience and though this chapter is shorter than the one preceeding it, take solace in knowing that the next chapter is being written as we speak and you needn't wait nearly as long for an update.

On another note, it seems that I have befuddled some of my lovely readers with regards to the happenings of last chapter. I don't know whether to attribute this confusion to my rather weak writing abilities (a very likely cause) or perhaps, I was so very brilliant (snorts with laughter) in my expression of Kaida's internal conflict/confusion that I managed to displace her emotions upon my dear readers (so very, very unlikely). I prefer not to explain my writing but rather have it speak for itself...I hope that any confusion that occurred will be remedied in the next few chapters.

Now, please bare with me, as I thank the lovely readers who took time out of their busy schedules to review chapter 24:

_elvesmagic010_: Firstly, thank you so very much for reviewing! And I do suspect that you will be seeing much more of Severus than in previous chapters. Thank you again and I do hope you will enjoy this chapter.

_This Parrot has ceased to be_: Goodness! To have my words compared to the wonders of chocolate is quite an honor! Thank you so much for the kind words, you have no idea how much they truly mean to me. I do hope you will find this chapter to your liking and thank you for reviewing.

_Bitter Twilight_: Thank you so much for your kindness. Your compliments are very touching and I do hope that you will not be disappointed with what awaits in this chapter. Thank you for reviewing and for keeping me going.

_KaliedescopeCat_: Yes, Kaida is in a bit of trouble. But truth be told, she has no intention of toying with hearts and hopefully it will become apparent as to what her goals/choice will be. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I do hope that this chapter will not disappoint you.

_Aerandir_:The"bold" Kaida can be a mite difficult to bear, and unforetunately you will be seeing a bit more of her in this little chapter. Thank you for your kind words and I do apologize for theunnaturally long wait.

_angelriseng85_: I'm so glad that you still find my story intresting...but after such a long wait...I wonder if that is still the case. Thank you very much for the lovely compliments, I hope you will find this chapter worth the wait.

_Neoma_: You never fail to brighten my inbox with your lovely reviews. But I daresay that you may be to generous with your praises. I thank you kindly for your compliments and hope that this chapter does your praises justice.

_dragonsgrl:_ Where do these ideas come from, you ask? To tell you the truth, I haven't the foggiest! They seem to just happen...I just stumble across them during my frequent trips into the blissful world of reveries. I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter and I thank you for your lovely review.

_Riaelfgirl:_ Thank you very much for your patience and understanding. I do hope that you do not find your confidence in my abilities to be misplaced with this chapter. I hope you enjoy it and find it worth the wait.

_The Grim_: Dear Grim, I daresay that you do not give yourself enough credit! You are a brilliant writer, I stand in your shadow with awe at your brilliance. I am truly flattered that you have continued to read my meager story and hope that you do not find this chapter to be a disappointment.

_EyesofEmerald_: Thank you very, very much for those words of encouragement, I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter and forgive me for the wait.

_Lillei_:You needn't apologize for your absent reviews; I realize that life canbe most draining.But I am glad to see that you've returned to reviewing as I do so love to hear from my readers. Thank you very much for your kind words and I do hope that this chapter will be to your liking.

_wotchertonks:_ Thank you for those lovelywords of encouragement. I am sorry that Kaida's feelings were a bit "mucky" last chapter but truth be told, I don't think that even Kaida herself knows exactly how she feels about either Severus or Remus. This is all foregin to her, but hopefully in the next few chapters all will be explained and clarified. Thank you once again for reviewing.

_Chantal J_: Thank you very much! I do hope that this chapter falls into the category of "keeping up the good work".

_AstaraelUndomiel:_ I've taken your words to heart and with a sharpened impliment of writing have managed to drive off the fates for the moment. I do hope that you'll enjoy this chapter and find it worth the wait. I'm very flattered that you enjoy my story. You, yourself have quite a way with words; have you graced us with a story of your own? If you haven't, I daresay you should!

_Why Do You Stare? fan:_ How incredibly flattering, a fan! And to have my chapter compared to a song by Linkin Park seems too good to be true! Thank you so much for the lovely compliments; I do hope that I haven't driven you away with the rather long wait.

_Flower of Scotland_: You have no idea how much your compliments mean to me; you are such an accomplished writer that I find myself envious of your abilities. I hope that you find this chapter to your liking.

_unmasked_: Thank you so very much for the lovely compliments. And you needn't thank me for reviewing your stories-which by the way are far from helpless! They are truly brilliant and I daresay you under estimate yourself! Once again thank you for the kind words and I do hope that you find this chapter to be worth the wait.

_missmee_: Thank you very much for the kind review! I hope you enjoy this little chapter.

_kiwaussi_: You need not ask for forgiveness, as I take no offense. And I thank you for the kind words. It is quite a relief to know that my writing has not gotten stale and that you still reader my meager chapters. Thank you very much! And you needn't worry that your review will be adding too much to my plate-I daresay, there is no such thing!

_Unauthorized Cuddler_: Thank you very much! To have portions of my chapters referred to as poetry is truly flattering. I do hope you enjoy this chapter!

_I-Love-Moony_: Welcome to my meager story! I'm quite flattered that you like my story, being that you yourself are quite an excellent writer! I hope this chapter is to your liking and that you find it to have been worth the wait.

_EripMav_: I'm trying not to...it's getting a mite bit harder now, being that I don't want to disappoint any of my readers. I thank you kindly for reviewing and hope you hear from you soon!

_esta-gr_: You needn't worry about story abandonment. I would never leave my readers hanging! I thank you kindly for your concern and kind words and hope that this chapter was worth your patience.

_Fethenwen_: I daresay you'll make me blush if you keep going on like that! You are truly too kind! I hope you'll find this chapter worth the wait and I welcome you to my meager story!

I thank you all for kindly reading and reviewing my story and hope that the long wait has not driven you from it.

Ninde Annare

* * *

Chapter 25: 

_Only moments ago he held my gaze with sympathetic eyes…._

_Only moments ago I longed for his heart to be mine…_

_And only moments ago he stood before me as prey…._

_But now all that lingers of my quarry is the warmth of his body upon the cool night air…and the emptiness of his scent…_

The delicious aroma of copper leaves ghostly kisses upon my lips-a haunting reminder of what could have been….

I blush furiously at the thought-a feeble attempt by my body to shed the loathing I feel towards it, to flush out the remnants of the demonic mask that had tried to possess me. To think that only moments ago, I would have willingly donned this mask, that I would have surrendered to darkness in exchange for a promise made by a savage seductress!

And yet I cannot deny the pleasure I felt…the power…the knowledge that for that brief instant his life was mine to do with as I wished. I would have happily donned its dark mask; used it to shield my eyes from the face of an incestuous crime… a vampiric rape. I would have all too happily torn open his skin and stolen a kiss from his virgin blood, all to satisfy my hungered lust….

I allowed myself to be governed by temptation…to be led a stray once again by my senses. The sensuality of this world will be my undoing, for even now, my senses tingle with anticipation…anticipation of the feast before me…a feast worthy of a monster… Before my feet a small crimson pool of Severus' essence awaits like an unwitting sacrifice laid upon an altar for a sanguine goddess. She lies within my cadaverous temple; biding her time…waiting for a moment of weakness…for my senses to betray me once again and awaken her from her slumber to partake in the grisly gift.

Repulsed by the offering, I gather the heavy cloth of my robes in my fist as I draw myself away from the edges of the treacherous pool. But as I do my hem glances over its surface, sending a soft scarlet shower across the innocent ashen face of the stone walls surrounding me-anointing them with the gentle fragrance of mortality.

At the mere whisper of blood, the beast stirs. I can hear it purring softly as its sullied form brushes against my heart, as it slowly claws at my lungs. Yet, I remain still, afraid that the drawing of my unnatural breath may awaken it from its forced sleep. I feel it rise and fall…hear its breath flicker as it awakens from its lull.

_**A soft, empty laughter resounds**_

**_Foolish child! Do you truly think that your will could ever be a match for instinct? _**

**_Never…_**

_**But I'm sure that you will soon learn the folly of your silly heart…**_

_**The once soft, empty laugh rises until it is little more than a series of malevolent cachinnations**_

The gentle dance of candlelight suddenly melts into a fevered fit-madly thrashing as foreboding winds tear at its fiery heart. Silently I watch and wait…I watch as a frenzy of shadows swoop down upon me, feasting on the fleeing forms of panicked light…. My head swims in a sea of trepidation…. Slowly I tilt back my weary head, resting it upon the stone walls-upon the satisfied belly of darkness. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to be consumed by the sound of nothing…to find sanctuary within myself. For within the darkness only one sound remains: the soft murmur of my…_two_ hearts? I hold my breath as I strain to hear it once more. Yes…_two_ _hearts beating_…I hear my own call out to the void and unmistakably there is a reply, another…_thump_….

A doppelganger. It rests betwixt my breasts, shadowing my heart's abnormal beat with its own unnatural coo. How odd that its heart speaks with a richer timbre than my own…perhaps it is because mine serves only to mimic life, where as, its heart is heavy with an ambitious hunger for existence. With each beat, I feel it grow stronger…more defined…with each beat, I feel a new wave of terror wash over me.

_Why am I frightened?_

_I am immortal…I lie beyond death's grasp…_

_**Oh, but there are things far worse than death…**_

_**Yes…**_

_**Far worse…**_

With baited breath, I stand-body rigid in anticipation. Baring the quality of stone, cold and stiff; my body slowly becomes enveloped in the languor of mortal numbness. As each nerve slips into torpidity, an odd sensation engulfs me…a sensation reminiscent to one I felt as a mortal.

Gradually the memory unfurls, becoming horribly clear…this feeling of numbness was the last sensation to fill my mortal body before I crossed the twilight of timelessness…before I became a vampire. I can almost feel my body dying around me again, as the silent darkness sucks the youth from each pallid cell like Adalais did so many years ago. A muted warmth begins to fill my chest-perhaps it is the inane mortal memories of my body, thrown into a fit of remembrance of what it was to be alive. It is a tainted bliss to relive my conversion…to know that I am beyond feeling….

The biting embrace of senseless memories is suddenly torn in two, as the gentle warmth within me becomes a blistering heat. The icy crypt of my veins feel as though they have been thrown open to the sun, liquid rays of light licking at their walls, lapping up my strength with a feral hunger.

_**The soft hiss of a cold (and oddly amused) voice full of mock-sympathy breaks the silence**_

_**Don't you want it to stop?**_

_**This pain?**_

_**Wouldn't you like to end this feeling of death? **_

_**Of torment?**_

_Yes._

**_Then do what you've always been meant to do…_**

_**Fulfill your destiny…**_

_**Satisfy your secret desires and…**_

_**Surrender…**_

_**The pain will stop.**_

_**I promise.**_

Bloody tears cloud my vision, bathing all I see in a crimson glow. Jagged shards claw desperately below the surface of my skin leaving conflagrant gashes in their wake. My blood boils with pain and fury; I loathe myself for flinching in gaze of mortal pain. I long to scream out my anguish and shake this beast from my chest; drive her away with a deafening cry but before my words can take form, blood rushes up from the depths of my body and fills my mouth with its muffled howls of indignation.

Swallowing my blood, I bite back my words to find that silence has once again blanketed me, its looming form hanging heavily around my still body, as these painful shards of my savagery continue to rake my skin…tearing into my flesh…into my veins with a maddening fervour.

The chaos that surges through the pit of my body has spilt over into my mind. It writhes with thoughts and feelings that are not my own. Images of blood pouring from open wounds flow into the darkness of my mind-a fountain of life bore from death.

Why do you insist on playing the martyr? On silently suffering for these blithely ignorant mortals? 

_**They will never understand the throes of immortality. **_

_**Time grants them the gift of salvation, for they will know an end to their anguish…**_

_**But you…**_

_**You will never know such comfort.**_

_**You will suffer until the end of time-all in the name of dying cause!**_

_**Do they care that you endure this anguish all for their sake?!**_

_**No.**_

_**They would love nothing more than to watch you burn in the infernal light of the sun- to smile maliciously into the hollow eyes of your chard skull!**_

_**Drink, dear child.**_

_**Drink and end your torment…**_

_**Show them the true face of suffering…**_

_**And I shall end this pain….**_

As suddenly as the pain fell upon me, it vanishes. Like fleeing harpies they leave my crumpled form to wallow in the memory of their assault; to remember that for an instant I was theirs…that _my heart _lay floundering in their tight grasp….

Clutching my chest as though to make certain that my heart has not abandoned me, I gasp hungrily for air, drinking in their coolness; desperately trying to relieve the burning remnants of my body's betrayal. The candlelight has returned to its silent waltz along the once shadowy walls, swiftly sweeping over their irregular face with formless feet, only occasionally stumbling over droplets of blood…

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I know it is significantly shorter than the previous chapter but I hope you will find that what it lacks in length it makes up for in exposition. Rest assured that the next chapter is on its way and should be posted very soon. Thank you very much for reading and I do hope you will review. Remember that reviews tend to sway my hand and have a wonderful way of presuading me to update sooner. Many thanks. 

Ninde Annare

P.S. I like to quickly remind you all, especially new readers, that you are more than welcome to email me with regards to the story; questions, comments or words of encouragement to get me writing, what ever tickles your fancy. All emails are welcomed:)


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